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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you believe in karma? They destroyed my life and got away with it

32 replies

Newmum1998 · 08/02/2023 08:38

To cut a very very long story short my ex is a drug addict and was abusive to me and our child. I left him and he took me to court for access to our child. He and his family all lied in court and made various false allegations about me and denied ex has any drug problems. The court believed them as I did not have proof of most of what happened as it mostly went on behind closed doors. His family know how bad he is though, he has stolen from them for years for money for drugs and they had to get CCTV at their house as so many people were at their door threatening them over money he owed them for drugs and their property has been vandalised countless times because of this. He is also unable to hold down any job due to his drug problems and his family know about jobs he has lost because he’s been caught taking drugs at work.
They also know he abused his ex girlfriend and saw him being abusive to me and our child but they lied and denied this of course.

My ex has walked away with lots of court ordered contact (including overnights) with our one year old child and I have to do handovers with his family. So I have to face the people that went to court and told so many lies about me every single week and they are awful to me during handovers to top it off. I’m very worried for my child’s safety as my ex is so volatile and has already put out child in danger so many times. My ex and his family are very very smug they have gotten away with it all and gotten everything they wanted in court. My life has just been destroyed and I just can’t believe it’s all real...

so my question is do you believe in karma? Because I really wish they would get some and the truth would finally come out.. this all feels like a nightmare

OP posts:
BobLemon · 08/02/2023 10:36

YABU. And your ineffectiveness is not very endearing. You’ve had some great advice on this thread, I hope you take it.

Isheabastard · 08/02/2023 10:46

I only believe in karma to the extent that things usually come out in the end.

So if shitty people keep doing shitty things then soon or later they’ll do something shitty enough that everyone finds out.

So if it helps, keep hold of that thought.

In the meantime, try not to give up. Can you video/voice record the handovers. Make sure everything is done as a text or email. So if x says ‘fuck you’, you send a text asking then not to say fuck you next time. Write down every incident/problem when it happens. Write down conversations when they are still fresh in your mind.

I agree with other PP your priority is to protect your son. I know it’s difficult and emotional, but you have to be strategic about this.

Do you have a friend or family you can talk to? I assume you did not think they would actually tell outright lies in court? Now you know what they are like, make sure that you expect the worst and foresee the worst connotation in everything they say and do.

I am divorcing and my ex has been running rings around me regarding assets, but I’ve been patient and he’s running out of diversionary tactics, he’s now accepting that he has to tell the truth.

I hope things work out for you, sadly you’ve lost this battle, but it’s possible you can still win the war.

LeonardCohenFanNo1 · 08/02/2023 11:21

OP I'm so sorry for all that has happened. I don't believe in karma but I do firmly believe that life has a way of working out ok, despite the challenges thrown our way.

I'm the grandparent of a child whose mother presents extremely well in court, whilst being a heavy cannabis user and a somewhat neglectful parent. If you met her you'd come away thinking what a lovely person she is.

My son has access and we as a family do our best to be the stability in DGSs life. He's an intelligent child and at 9 years old, is starting to figure things out for himself.

We never ever say anything negative about his mum. We just provide structure, have a regular bedtime, feed him homemade meals, take him on little adventures etc. As a result he loves seeing his dad and feels safe enough with him and us to tell us about stuff going on at home (we don't ask). While his mum isn't abusive, I'd describe her parenting as benign neglect. So he's clean and fed, he (mostly) attends school.

My advice to you is to document everything. Make notes. Do all communication via text or email. Grey rock his family. Make your own life as good as possible so as your DC grows, they'll know what a good calm loving home feels like. And will make choices based on that. Obviously if you have evidence of actual abuse or dangerous neglect then go straight back to court.

In terms of Karma, the karma in this case is that, if your ex is bothered to maintain contact (and I'd bet he won't!) your DC will eventually realise exactly what his father and his family are like.

You'll be fine, you're a good loving mum, children grow so fast. It seems like only yesterday since my son was in utter despair after the first court case. They've been back and forth to court a few times since as circumstances change, and some judges can be very biased. But my son has learned to be very clear in court and to take very precise notes of what each judge has said. Good luck OP.

Andypandy799 · 08/02/2023 12:22

@Newmum1998 sorry your having to deal with this crap and I don’t want to kick you while your down but did you not know about his drug usage when you had sex with him?

Justmeandme19 · 08/02/2023 17:46

Yes but not in the traditional way! I 💯% believe that what you put out in the world you get back.
I think too many people go to family court thinking their word is good enough! It's not you need proof and of course the opposite side are going to play dirty. I've been to court many many times, and got the right outcome for my children, but I went with proof. unfortunately you need to see every abusive act as potential evidence, so sct accordingly. Eg call the police, record it, have CCTV, have a 3rd party involve.

Nightynightnight · 08/02/2023 18:18

This is hellish for you but it will eat you up if you let it. For your own sanity and for your child's well being you need to focus on the things you can control. If you can get someone else to do hand overs do that, you don't have to be abused by his family. Let social services know your concerns. Don't give him any belongings. Literally take your child in the clothes he is wearing and nothing else. And just be a safe, warm, calm presence for your baby. I'm surprised he got overnights with a child so young.

Nightynightnight · 08/02/2023 18:19

And they haven't destroyed your life..... You are giving them too much power.

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