Men are only really nice up until about 25

[Whichusernametocreate]

I remember my friend saying this to me when we were in our late twenties, years ago.
I’m now mid 40’s and kind of see what she meant
Is there something wrong with me in that I don’t seem to be seeing men in the same way anymore? I used to love men’s company, even though I’m a girls girl/woman’s woman, whatever you call it, I often found men better company in some ways..but now, I can’t help wondering what most of them are probably like deep down..the porn they probably watch or the way they may secretly view women etc
Is this a mid 40’s thing?

I don't agree at all. So many younger men are 100% focused on sex, attraction, their status (mainly defined by what woman they can attract)... even when I was young I used to think "Is there not more to you than this?".

Those same guys are much better company now they have married, got some achievements under their belts, and are no longer so... desperate. They can now use their brains for thinking, in most cases.

This wouldn't apply if you were looking for a relationship obviously, but that is a separate issue.

Sorry you don't know any nice men.

I know loads.

Perhaps it's your social circle that's the problem - rather than writing off half of the human race.

Is it the men who change or the women? What you find "nice" in a man at 25, a bit of flirting and maybe some chivalry becomes annoying as you get older.

That said I have 3 very good male friends in their 50s and find them all to be thoroughly good decent people. I wouldn't want to live with any of them but they're good company, kind, reliable, generous, respectful so I suspect that's more me than them.

No… I actually think my husband is nicer now personality wise than he was when he was 22 (which was when we first met… 20 years ago)

many of my colleagues and friends are men and are just as nice as they used to be

@QuertyGirl

Yeah you said "people are people". Which I took to mean you need to judge people on who they are not what sex they are?

I was just pointing out that the dynamics of sexual relationships means it's not that straightforward.

20 something men nearly always want something from you as a woman. And it's nearly always sex. And most of them aren't mature enough to remain in a committed relationship. Which is why romantic partners are so mismatched at that age.

I assume what the OP means is that quite a lot of men as they get older become a bit grumpy, very set in their ways and very exacting about how they want to live and don't like any kind of change or disruption to their routine.

Which may make them more reliable but also often means they are quite tedious.

Erectile dysfunction becomes more of an issue with age so probably YABU.

I sort of get it, when I was younger I saw men as more laid back and friendly & women had more potential for bitchiness. But now at 31, I much prefer women as company in general. I don’t dislike men by any stretch though, & I definitely don’t think about the porn they watch! I know lots of lovely men & some pricks too.

What crime statistics relate to people being emotionally hurtful? Ie “bitching” (not a term I like) for the sake of it, or gossiping nastily.

I always used to have lovely men friends. I'm a biker so mostly blokes in that world but I've noticed a serious deterioration in manners, courtesy and general treatment of women. I think its porn too. So much vile stuff out there.
I only have women friends now and a couple of gay male friends.

I think I know what you mean OP, but i think it's because women chill out a bit after their 20s, so I prefer their company more than I used to.

There is no need to 'imagine' this scenario. It is often front and centre.

That's usually down to health or lack of care for health.

Now I’m early 40s and I too wonder about their porn habits, general attitude to women, etc. My male friends who are more open about the way men think don’t provide any reassurance.

Maybe you too need to change your social circle.

I know all humans are fundamentally terrible, but I do think men are worse, as a sex class. I prefer the company of my female friends now.

Obviously fine to prefer the company of female friends, but what a weird statement "I know all humans are fundamentally terrible" is.
I mean, that simply is just not true.

I see what you're saying. They can get self satisfied and important. But it could easily go the other way and tbh women can do this too.

I think our eyes just become a lot more open as we get older.

It’s very sexist, but I’m kind of with you, OP. I used to have a lot of male friends and thought of myself as someone who preferred their company. Now I’m early 40s and I too wonder about their porn habits, general attitude to women, etc. My male friends who are more open about the way men think don’t provide any reassurance.

Well yes, sure, but it's not like those men only developed those attitudes and porn habits when they got older. It's just that the scales fell from your eyes and you started seeing them more as they are, as they always had been.

What the OP is really about, and your experience confirms, is the shattering of illusions.

Which tends to gets progressively worse with age

It does if they've been drinking and smoking, plied on weight, or excessive hrs at work.

Must be, but then with such sexist views they’re probably just keeping their distance.

What a strange and sad post!

Or even if they haven't been doing any of those things.

Youre talking about men in their 40s but say they change at 25 ? 😵‍💫

I only know men in their 30s or 60+. All nice except FIL who is a grumpy control freak verging on mysogynist and nasty enough for all the rest 😄 but he’s an exception.

So maybe it it’s the 40s crowd! I don’t know anyone in their 40s. Oh except one friend’s husband who yes is miserable but seems to be getting cheerier and I don’t know him well enough to write him off forever.

Not my experience AT ALL. I genuinely think that people who generalise others as boring or whatever are the ones that suck the life out of people themselves thus being the boring ones. Maybe not everyone else is boring OP. Maybe you are the boring one.

Imagine if they didn't.

As if men are typically interested in the company of older women! You're too funny!

The testosterone level drop around age seventy is well documented, leading to men being more bad tempered, the grumpy old man syndrome.

I know a few reasonable men, mostly 40+, but they're nothing like as emotionally well rounded as the women I know.