Too young for potty training?

[forfuckssake23]

Sorry for using AIBU but I'm just needing some advice.

DD will be 2 in April. So far she has shown very little interest in the potty I bought for her. She will stand inside, place toys in it etc, and play with it. But when I remove her nappy and try sitting her on it (usually I say "can you do a wee wee / poo poo on the potty for mummy?"), she just says "no!" and gets off again.

She will tell me when she's just about to do or in the process of doing a poo - she says "poo poo". So she knows it's happening. She just doesn't want to sit on the potty.

I've tried to get her used to it by saying "where's your potty?" and bringing it out etc, she calls it a "poppy"😂, so she will engage with it. But no interest in it other than as a toy, if that makes sense.

Is she too young for potty training just yet? I don't want to force the issue too soon, but equally I don't want to miss an opportunity to get her started with it, if that makes sense.

Any thoughts?

Thanks but I really wasn't looking for advice on how I engage with my child.

Well, this is AIBU . People will give you advice whether you want it or not.

but you wanted “traffic”

I'm asking about readiness for potty training.

Theres a whole Potty Training forum where you can ask about readiness for potty training.

i would advise don’t post in AIBU @forfuckssake23 if you are keen to avoid AIBU-like responses. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I only wanted advice on the correct age for potty training and here I am being patronisingly told how to talk to my child. Ffs.

If you wanted advice on the correct age for potty training , then post in the potty training forum!

People will literally pick you apart for anything on here won't they?

It’s AIBU. I don’t agree with the mentality, but this is what happens when people repeatedly post in the wrong forum.

I haven’t read all the pp’s but I trained my third child on the dot of two years old using the oh crap book/method and I’d recommend it. She really talks you through how to go about it, different steps, tweaks to the language you use that I found really helpful and troubleshooting as you go along. My eldest practically trained herself so I didn’t have much experience to draw on when it came to my middle child and we got in such a mess with him and had left it v late as we kept thinking he wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to repeat those mistakes and friends had used the oh crap method successfully so I went with it and I’m really, really glad we did. It’s not a magical day in three days type approach, it felt realistic and is quite funny to read.

@SavoirFlair

I've had plenty of helpful responses amongst the crap, but thanks for the advice.

@AsItWasInAnOwlsTree

I don't need advise on how to talk to my child. I really, really don't. So thanks but no thanks

Too young. Leave her for a few months.

*advice

Sorry, just to add to my post above, maybe wait a few months though as naked from the waist down works well initially and that’s easier when it’s warmer.

Is it too early, yes I think so. I don't understand why parents are in such a rush to train their kids before the age of 2. When they are ready it can take a few days if that otherwise it can lead to lots of accidents and more overall work for you.

I'd say keep talking to her as you are so lots of praise if she says she's done a poo and has actually done one etc. I'd put the potty away for now though and then maybe try again in a few months. Keep encouraging as you are and then reassess. You might well find that by summer she is talking more can discern that she needs to go and can pull her pants up and down. Also have a think about whether you want to go down the rule of big girl pants from the get go or pull ups, whether a kids toilet seat might be better than a potty (you can always get a step so they can sit) etc.

You will get some posters saying their baby trained at 1 but often if you unpick what they are saying, they are better able to pick up when their child is pooing or peeing and just pooping them on the potty or toilet before then. Often the child can't pull down their pants or pull them up say they are doing it all for them. It's fair enough if they are with them all day but not great if they drop them at gran's for the day or childcare who won't be as astute or looking out for when they need to poo or putting them on the toilets 15 minutes after they've had a bottle. That isn't successful potty training in my view because they aren't able to do it in different settings.

All of my friends who started potty training early seemed to have months and months of accidents. It looked awful so I waited until nearer 3 and DD was perfect within 4 weeks.

@AsItWasInAnOwlsTree

I am confident of this because I've had professionals tell me that the way I engage with my child is emotionally attuned, developmentally appropriate, and nurturing. I had intensive therapeutic input around this after suffering severe PND following her birth in which I believed (without good cause) that I was a shit unattuned mother who was letting my baby down. A therapist observed me with her and told me it was absolute rubbish and that I was very well attuned. She videod me playing and interacting with her and played it back to me to help challenge these negative thoughts I had of myself as a mother. A HV also told me that my then 18 month old was (I quote): "...clearly very securely attached, socially and emotionally well adjusted, and advanced in terms of her vocabulary - you're doing a better job than you think you are".

So again - I do not need advice on how to interact with my child. Thanks.

My first, it was a week before his 3rd birthday. I bought him some pants and a potty and said “we are not wearing nappies anymore, we are going to wear pants and use a potty”.

He said, “okay, mummy.” And he did. Dry day and night from that second on. I should have bought a lottery ticket that day because I know now that it was an absolute fluke.

Second child, she wasn’t as easy. same age, just about to turn 3. Flatly refused. Came out with the line, “I like weeing in a nappy, it keeps my butt warm”. Had to bribe her with kinder eggs. It took about two weeks but she had to wear night nappies for a couple of months.

My third is 2.6 years. We have a potty in the bathroom. She uses “I need a weeeeeeeee!” as an excuse to get upstairs to try and get in her sisters room.

I’ve tried before a bath and said “would you like to have a wee in the potty?” and have got “ew, absoooooooooty not, that’s ‘custing, ewwww” as a response. So we will see how this one goes.

Look, it’s totally fine to potty train your own child whenever you want. But it’s not true that doing it “early” means the kids aren’t properly potty trained/it takes longer/the kids have loads of accidents/parents need to run to the toilet all the time etc.

Both of my kids were fully potty trained within days before the age of 2. And the majority of my NCT group also did it around the second birthday (was during lockdown for DC1 and most of us did it at the same time). It is totally possible. But you won’t know until you try.

As an aside, I’ve met many parents over the years who insist their child is potty trained at 2 or younger.

What’s actually happening, is the child is mostly peeing their pants and getting changed multiple times a day.

And another one ☝🏻 🙄

Some kids are ready early my DD was a exceptional speaker and was potty trained by 20 months led by her and she had the understanding she’s now a average 13 year old so nothing spectacular my other two were 2 1/2 and 3 as long as your led by her no harm in trying but you saying she doesn’t understand the difference between pee and poo it doesn’t sound like she has the comprehension yet give it a few months and just make it as easy for yourself as you can it’s not a race

I’m just saying what I saw personally! I can’t comment on your children, I’ve never met them.

But the parents I knew who insisted their children were potty trained before 2 were all walking round with bags full of spare clothes and getting them changed all the time.

I’m glad you didn’t have that problem, but you obviously didn’t bring your toddlers to play at my house.

That’s exactly what I’ve witnessed @Iwantabloodypizza

3 minutes late this time!! You must get quicker at this 😄 tisk tisk

I used oh crap book and ignored the part about the ideal age.

I trained my son at 3 1/2. And he was largely dry in a couple of weeks.

We left it later as my son has speech delay and didn't think he was ready till then

I know, not my experience at all. If anything, the opposite. I was lucky that my first child sorted herself out using the toilet so young so I knew it was doable. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard parents discuss behaviour similar to the OP's child but discount potty training 'because they're too young'. Except it was absolutely the norm to potty train age 1 when everyone used cloth nappies!

I waited until my son as 3 and it was a breeze. Mainly because I was expecting my second and didn't want to tackle the potty 9 months pregnant! Plus I had granny help once baby was born. I know many who did it earlier and had lots of problems. I would say wait (what's the rush) and save yourself some sanity

I'd say a little early still, my ds showed an interest around 2. But never quite got the hang of it so carried on with nappies until he was ready.

Just before his 3rd birthday announced he was wearing pants today, and so it began. He was ready and wanted to use the toilet (skipped the potty completely) so we just went with it.

I think you are doing the right thing, keep actively talking about it and saying when you are a big girl/ boy you won't need nappies and you can use the toilet/ potty etc. Talking about it makes it less scary I think.

Do what you think is best ultimately

I know, but it’s just a bit of a pointless anecdotal comment isn’t it. If some parents persevere when their child isn’t getting it, they are just idiots. Unless you are assuming the OP is also an idiot, they are irrelevant. Fwiw my one NCT friend who waited til her child was 3 before potty training was the one who walked around for weeks with bags of wet clothes, but I don’t extrapolate from her to suggest that all parents who wait end up with problems.

If you try it at 2 and it works then fantastic. If it doesn’t work though you can always wait longer. Whereas if you don’t attempt it til 3 then you could have had your child in nappies for a year unnecessarily. Nappies are so bad for environment never mind the expense. What is there to lose by trying?