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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP let friend massage him during outing

60 replies

Perridot · 05/02/2023 12:35

I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting here. Me and DP were out with friends. A mixture of men and women. He has a shoulder injury that’s very painful and he can’t do much with that arm at the moment. Just lifting it hurts. Anyway at some point he gets chatting to a friend of mine who works with animals and is familiar with the type of injury he has. I look over and she’s massaging his shoulder. It went on for a few minutes in front of everyone and there were some confused looks. We spoke about it after and I made it clear I thought it was inappropriate. He said he felt uncomfortable whilst she was doing it. I don’t get why he didn’t tell her to stop when she started? I would have just said no thanks it’s too sore. I would never let another man touch me like that especially not in front of my partner. He said he didn’t mean for it to look the way it did but I just feel annoyed and a little embarrassed. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
ladymacbeth · 05/02/2023 12:52

Perridot · 05/02/2023 12:35

I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting here. Me and DP were out with friends. A mixture of men and women. He has a shoulder injury that’s very painful and he can’t do much with that arm at the moment. Just lifting it hurts. Anyway at some point he gets chatting to a friend of mine who works with animals and is familiar with the type of injury he has. I look over and she’s massaging his shoulder. It went on for a few minutes in front of everyone and there were some confused looks. We spoke about it after and I made it clear I thought it was inappropriate. He said he felt uncomfortable whilst she was doing it. I don’t get why he didn’t tell her to stop when she started? I would have just said no thanks it’s too sore. I would never let another man touch me like that especially not in front of my partner. He said he didn’t mean for it to look the way it did but I just feel annoyed and a little embarrassed. AIBU to feel like this?

So you wouldn't go see a physio?!

tangerinetreesandmarmaladeskies · 05/02/2023 12:53

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:49

He felt uncomfortable.
Everyone is ignoring this fact.
Interesting.

He only said he was uncomfortable when OP told him she felt it was inappropriate.

jacult · 05/02/2023 12:55

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:48

Ask yourselves if you would really innocently massage someone’s partner in a group setting? You wouldn’t. I’m a licensed massage therapist who spent years in spas and wellness centres up and down the California coastline.
I would not do what this woman did because I know that, harmless and innocent as it may be, a) it’s showing off and b) yes, it raises eyebrows. It just does.

And crucially (!!!) your partner felt uncomfortable! Enough said.

Think it’s a bit different in the UK. My friend is an osteopath and often sorts us out when we are out! Not hoiking us on a pub table, but will sort out little niggles etc, their partner is a physio and will also pitch in too! Especially for something innocuous as a shoulder rub.

Hairyfairy01 · 05/02/2023 12:55

My only concern would be does the friend actually know what she is doing. Potentially she may be causing more harm than good.

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:56

Maybe he did actually feel this way. Maybe, and hear me out, he may be telling the <wait for it> truth.
He may not actually just be saying shit to keep the little woman happy(which seems to be the prevailing voice).

MaryDerry · 05/02/2023 12:56

If they started shredding their clothes off then I'd be raising my eyebrows.

But honestly sounds the friend was trying to help not seduce.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 05/02/2023 12:57

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

Hahahahhahahha you really made my day with comment. Love it

minihitch · 05/02/2023 12:57

I think it's weird that everyone was so uncomfortable about this.

dinochum · 05/02/2023 12:57

I was waiting for the comment about clothing removal or lube or laying him down an straddling him (whilst moaning like the forero rocher woman)

Nope. Just a friend helping out another friend on full view of their friends and partners.

YABVU.
or am I not prudish enough?

IsThePopeCatholic · 05/02/2023 12:57

If she works with animals, does she know anything about human anatomy?

minihitch · 05/02/2023 12:57

Would it have bothered you if it was a man?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/02/2023 12:58

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:56

Maybe he did actually feel this way. Maybe, and hear me out, he may be telling the <wait for it> truth.
He may not actually just be saying shit to keep the little woman happy(which seems to be the prevailing voice).

He allowed it to continue for several minutes with no complaints. Only until OP said she thought it was inappropriate, did he say he was uncomfortable.

FabFitFifties · 05/02/2023 12:58

He's an adult and could of refused and should of asked her to stop if he was uncomfortable. However, if he was happy to try, then absolutely fine to say yes too. Was she being somehow overtly sexual OP? If yes YANBU and strong words to husband would be in order. If not YABU.

minihitch · 05/02/2023 12:58

I would never let another man touch me like that especially not in front of my partner.

I don't get this at all. Do you hug male friends or relatives?

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 05/02/2023 13:01

Don't think OP will be back .......... she knows she is jealous, she has made herself look a bit of a fool as there was nothing at all to get so upset/angry about.

tangerinetreesandmarmaladeskies · 05/02/2023 13:02

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:56

Maybe he did actually feel this way. Maybe, and hear me out, he may be telling the <wait for it> truth.
He may not actually just be saying shit to keep the little woman happy(which seems to be the prevailing voice).

Maybe he did.

But if he was truly uncomfortable, why did he allow it to happen for several minutes? Why did he not say anything about feeling uncomfortable until OP pulled him up on it afterwards?

He had ample opportunity to say he felt uncomfortable - but stayed silent until OP told him how pissed off she was about it. Speaks volumes to me.

GyozaGuiting · 05/02/2023 13:02

With your line of thinking physiotherapists could never do their job!

IreneJones · 05/02/2023 13:03

YABU

WeWereInParis · 05/02/2023 13:03

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:49

He felt uncomfortable.
Everyone is ignoring this fact.
Interesting.

I ignored it because I felt like (from the thread title and OP's comment about wondering why he didn't tell the woman to stop) OP's main irritation is with him. Which I think is an overreaction.

Blueblell · 05/02/2023 13:05

It wouldn’t bother me

Coffeeandchocs · 05/02/2023 13:05

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:56

Maybe he did actually feel this way. Maybe, and hear me out, he may be telling the <wait for it> truth.
He may not actually just be saying shit to keep the little woman happy(which seems to be the prevailing voice).

The OP said:
He said he didn’t mean for it to look the way it did

This sounds like he agreed to the massage. If she’d started massaging his shoulder without asking for his permission how can he have not meant it to look the way that it did?

EarringsandLipstick · 05/02/2023 13:06

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

😂😂😂

GoodChat · 05/02/2023 13:06

Is she a trained masseuse and did she offer or just start touching him?

Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 13:06

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 05/02/2023 13:01

Don't think OP will be back .......... she knows she is jealous, she has made herself look a bit of a fool as there was nothing at all to get so upset/angry about.

I think there's more to the story....history or some details...I don't think she looks silly so much as it's a bit mysterious.

DaveyJonesLocker · 05/02/2023 13:07

It's a professional massaging an injury that causing considerable pain. Not like it's your friend rubbing him up because he said his necks a bit stiff. But I was a part of a sport for a long time and it's normal to have injuries massaged, it's not a sensual experience.

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