Who's at fault? Grandma or grandson?

[MARTENIK]

Hello,

Grandson (18) in first year of uni is retaking a few of his exams. Life at home with his older brother is tough (drug addiction), they constantly fight and the environment is unhealthy in general, not allowing him to study properly.
His mum calls his grandma and asks if he could stay at hers for a week, prior to his exam, to study.

Grandma emptied her old son's room to give him room to revise and have privacy.

Everything was going well for a few days. Then, one of the grandson's cousins was coming from abroad with their new baby. Traditionally, you have a two day long party for the baby. The first day is more of a religious ceremony and preps with close family and the second day is when the larger family gathers and everyone eats together etc...

Grandson had told his grandma that he had finished revising and had his weekend free.
Grandma and her children as well as her other grandchildren the same age as grandson went to the first day of the party but grandma didn't allow grandson to come, saying there was not enough room in the car and that his mum sent him there to study, and that he should stay home with his grandpa to revise and come with them the day after.

Grandson lashed out at grandma and his aunts and uncles when they came back.

Grandma has a history of not treating grandson's mum fairly.

Who is at fault?

So who are you in all this?

Depends what you mean by ‘lashed out’

I am the mum

So I guess YABU would be that my son is in the wrong and YANBU that my mum is

He yelled at them

Bit of a drip feed, however if this was planned all along and there was no room for grandson then he could have found his own way there

That is pretty disrespectful. If it was so important to him could he have not got himself there?

the party was more of a last minute thing, his grandfather forbid him from leaving. Plus they leave in a quite remote area and it's not that easy to get to.

Were you invited?

My nephew also offered to pick him up but grandma declined

Yes but I had work so couldn't make it until the second day

Does he always lash out if things don't go his way?

Grandson, I think. A young man shouldn’t be “lashing out” at his grandmother who has been doing him a favour.

He may have had a point (though the point of him staying there was that he was supposed to be revising) but this should have been discussed in a more reasonable manner.

A 2-day party sounds like the complete opposite of “studying quietly at Grandma’s for a week”. Think I’m on Grandma’s side, and your son should have come home if his revising was all finished. (Is revising ever finished?)

Your son has said his piece that’s the end of it surely?

He's usually very calm.
It's the fact that they took all his cousins besides him that upset him

They all called me complaining about him, they don't talk to him anymore and neither does he

If granny was in charge he wouldn't have had to resit his exams 😂

He was invited to second day, grandma was probably trying to honour your request of him staying there so he could study. I think grandson is being unreasonable and a bit bratty to think he can go along to anything

Were his cousins also staying with them to save money?

Grandma clearly has some sort of pole up her arse here. What she did was mean spirited. She's playing favorites. Not cool.

Yelling at everyone achieved the goal of alienating the family from grandson. You don't turn someone else's occasion into your chance to vent. He succeeded in feeding the unhealthy dynamic grandma has created in the family.

Not save money, study.

No idea how that happened....

I was going to say yabu because by lashed out I thought you meant he hit his grandmother!

I think the grandparents are in the wrong here and fairly cruel to the grandson, and if all he did was yell, it was justified.

They were all staying at hers

If he wanted to go to both days, and was invited, it was up to you/him to facilitate if he could spare time. Sounds like he created a big deal out of nothing.

but not to study no