Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think workplace baby showers are inappropriate?

107 replies

CaribouCarafe · 03/02/2023 16:34

Context: One of the ladies in my team is expecting a baby soon and our (female manager) invited all the other women who work in the same team to a private working group to organise a baby shower for her. We all get on very well as a team and I am happy for her that she has a baby on the way.

I have nothing against throwing a general farewell "You're going on mat leave" type sendoff with everyone in the team invited (i.e. the guys too!) where we give a signed card, a group present and maybe have cake. That seems like a normal thing to do.

However, we all work remotely (in different countries) and this thing has transformed into a full scale event and since I'm the only woman on the team who lives near the mum-to-be I'm now expected to book a restaurant for her, balloons, coordinate the gifts etc.

...which brings me to the bit where I know I'm being unreasonable but is my argument against having baby showers at work - I've been struggling with fertility for 3 years. Work is one of the areas of my life where I didn't think I'd be confronted with it, and every day there's new messages about this "Baby Shower" (that's what they're calling it). It's like a punch in the gut every time I get a new message about it but there's no way I can ask to not get involved without just coming across as sour so I have to grin and bear with it. It's going to be a full afternoon of talking about the baby/playing baby-themed games etc.

I guess I was interested to see if other people agree that it's a bit of an odd/inappropriate thing to arrange at work or whether I'm just being a sourpuss?

OP posts:

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/02/2023 13:56

I worry that not only are they here to stay, but they’re being joined by more imports - gender reveal parties and the 1st birthday cake smash party.

billy1966 · 04/02/2023 14:05

OP,
You poor very nice woman.

What a truly extraordinary thread.

I genuinely find it unbelievable that your company promotes a value system of kindness as this is the most extremely intrusive inappropriate ordeal to foist on staff.

Talk about being tone deaf and lacking any self awareness.

Inclusion and diversity are the buzz words that the corporate environment is obsessed with, and any company worth their salt or HR department, would genuinely be appalled at this being foisted on staff during out of hours not to mind during working hours.

Also the invasion of this womans privacy is extraordinary too.

The person who suggested this is a moron and I think it should be flagged by HR as I think the company are vulnerable to a formal complaint being made.

You are entitled to a private life that is not impacted by bullshit like thiis.

silvermantella · 04/02/2023 15:03

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/02/2023 10:48

YANBU. Baby showers are inappropriate, full stop.

why?

Original poster

CaribouCarafe · 04/02/2023 15:14

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/02/2023 13:38

I know someone in another team where I work (big organisation) who went through something similar - she wasn’t asked to organise it but she was put in charge of buying the team gifts (yes, plural). When she took her manager aside and confessed her fertility issues and asked just to be allowed to do actual work that day and not have to participate in a 3 hour long baby festival, her manager accused her of trying to ruin mum-to-be’s special time. She insisted that the party was work and refusal to come was refusal to do work. She suggested colleague take annual leave if she didn’t want to work.

In the end HR got involved and it got super messy - as it should’ve, the manager was a total dick. Colleague didn’t have to go but she did transfer to another team so the team lost a member of staff.

Stuff like this is really difficult. Comparisons to houses or weddings aren’t really the same as people don’t organise a 3 hour house signing or wedding party in the office. Most people don’t mind getting a card/gift and expressing well wishes, but baby showers can be so attention-seeking and relentlessly performative in a way that other celebrations just aren’t.

YANBU OP, stand your ground! You’re likely not the only person who feels as you do and you’re standing up for them too.

Bloody hell, what a drama! Luckily my manager sent me a swift message back saying she understands that I might find it triggering and to mute or leave the Slack channels pertaining to the baby shower. I think I'd just quit on the spot if she acted the way the manager in your post did!

OP posts:

Offensiveapprently · 04/02/2023 15:17

I detest baby showers anyway and put them in the same category as gender reveal parties and Coronation street........utter tripe.

xogossipgirlxo · 04/02/2023 15:19

Baby showers are bonkers. Work baby showers is whole other idea of crazy. They would have to pay me to attend.

JKRfan · 04/02/2023 15:23

YANBU regardless of your personal history. Baby Showers are an American import along with the dreaded ''gender' (should be sex) reveals'' and when I was pregnant, I considered it 'tempting fate' to celebrate the baby at all until they had safely arrived after delivery. I didn't even have nursery furniture delivered until after the birth.
It is inappropriate to exclude the male colleagues and it should just be a 'leaving work' type event. She may or may not return at the end of her maternity leave.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5