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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you do these walks if you were me?

129 replies

Whycantwebefreetolive · 02/02/2023 23:05

Feeling very anxious about dog walks recently, as a few others seem to be. I’ve been feeling it more the last month or so, not sure why.
I live near to some open fields and woods leading down to the beach.
We go as a family (with Dh) to take the dog in the woods at the weekends and feel safe.
During the week, Dh isn’t home until it’s dark, he’s tired in winter by then and we don’t want to take Dd, 4 out in the dark.
During the day I often take Dd and the dog on my own into the fields part by my home, it’s very open, but with no one around. We’ve always enjoyed it, but I often feel I can’t fully relax. The other day I just started to feel really anxious and just hurried Dd (in a fun way, she didn’t know I was worried) and the dog back home. Then I felt really crappy and also annoyed that I feel scared there.
There’s a road that runs along a little further away that often has the odd car/can down.
I don’t know..I’m wondering if I’m putting us at risk going here?
It’s so nice to have this space we can just walk to at the end of the road. I sometimes drive Dd and our dog to a more open place with people to walk, but we enjoy it by our house.
Would you go or it’s too risky?

OP posts:
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 10:54

It depends on the life you've already lived. That 'something terrible' has already happened to me so I'm far more cautious than the average person.

Yes I feel the same. I was dragged into an alleyway and assaulted by a stranger late at night when I was a young superfit student. It taught me that an average sized woman stands no chance against an average man. All the self defence training in the world, pepper spray etc means fuck all when one punch would probably render you unconscious. It doesn't rule my life but I certainly don't enjoy walking on my own either when it's dark or in remote areas. The chance may be small but I was that one in a whatever victim and you can never quite shake it off.

If you don't enjoy the walks now OP, I'd change them.

bluetongue · 03/02/2023 10:57

whizzpopping · 03/02/2023 10:38

That suggestion was meant to be facetious...

Apologies then. I’ve seen this as a serious suggestion before so it’s hard to tell.

2bazookas · 03/02/2023 11:14

Whycantwebefreetolive · 03/02/2023 09:05

@2bazookas Where do you get them from? Would the noise be loud enough in a deserted field?

You can buy them online, perfectly legal.

Yes, in a deserted field/ rural area sound carries further than in town.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 11:28

I live in a rural area and if I was out in the garden and heard an alarm in the distance I'd probably wonder what the fuck the noise was and then carry on with my gardening so I'm not sure it's a great help in the countryside.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 03/02/2023 11:30

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 11:28

I live in a rural area and if I was out in the garden and heard an alarm in the distance I'd probably wonder what the fuck the noise was and then carry on with my gardening so I'm not sure it's a great help in the countryside.

Yeah, I was thinking the same to be honest.

I'd assume it was from the quarry, train line or MOD firing range and just ignore it and carry on with what I was doing.

I can see it attracting attention in a busy street though.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 11:33

I can see it attracting attention in a busy street though.

Yes but then I think shouting and generally creating a scene would be just as effective.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/02/2023 11:37

I do all the time (woods included)

The chances of anything happening are tiny, and it’s no riskier now than decades ago, we’re just hyper aware of it.

There are apps on phones that can act as alerts.

Just not doing it is a personal choice of course, but shrinking your world is a high price.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 11:39

Just not doing it is a personal choice of course, but shrinking your world is a high price.

Yeah but what's the point in doing it if the enjoyment is gone?

Original poster
Whycantwebefreetolive · 03/02/2023 11:55

I realise this sounds insane, but would you ever carry a small knife?

OP posts:
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 12:01

No because it could quite easily be used against you. Plus you could be charged with carrying an offensive weapon.

Original poster
Whycantwebefreetolive · 03/02/2023 12:03

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees I wouldn’t be as bothered about being charged if it helped me defend myself and Dd, but you’re right it could be used against me.

OP posts:
SlipSlidinAway · 03/02/2023 12:06

Whycantwebefreetolive · 03/02/2023 11:55

I realise this sounds insane, but would you ever carry a small knife?

Yes - an insane comment.

PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 13:06

Tbh some women are replicating a small knife when they hold their sharp keys in their hand like a knuckle duster.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/02/2023 13:17

Tbh some women are replicating a small knife when they hold their sharp keys in their hand like a knuckle duster.

Yes they are and I do it myself (not sure if it would help or not really) but there are legitimate reasons for carrying keys whereas the same isn't true for carrying a knife.

PurpleNebula84 · 03/02/2023 13:32

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 08:35

I don’t blame you.
Rapists and psychos are not going to ambush women in a crowded area in a busy city, they go to secluded places where there’s likely nobody stopping them and witnessing their deeds. And they know that women walk their dogs there. I wouldn’t walk in the woods alone, even with a dog, unless it’s a ferocious pit bull.

Show quote history

That's generally not true - you're more likely to get attacked in a town or city street - people don't tend to wait in secluded wooded areas as their chances of getting someone are a lot lower and they'd be waiting in the cold, dark and possibly wet on an off chance someone might come along - I suppose the slight difference to where I were the other day is it isn't too far off the beaten track as it is near a playing field and houses - just secluded and a definite go to path for dog walkers.

PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 13:46

You can legally carry a small knife under a certain size (I do when I go to the allotment) but I agree, it could be used against you.

Routine is probably not a good idea in secluded places. Going the same way at the same time every day. Female joggers in my local area were being followed by the same coloured car. A lot of them stopped their routine or route. One told me she bought a treadmill instead. It's

PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 13:49

Ah, my dog just pressed post before I finished by laying her head on my phone 😂 never mind!

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 13:57

You can put something heavy (a metal ball thingy) in a long sock that you can use to bash an attacker’s head with. You can carry it inside your jacket. Temporarily stunning him can give you time to escape. If you really whack someone on the head with it I doubt they will come around quickly though.
People who say that your own knife can be used against you..yes, but what if the attacker has his own knife too? If you have your knife, you stand a chance against him but if he’s the only one with a knife then you are fucked.

Blueysfamilyareperfect · 03/02/2023 13:59

@Tescoland Thats true.
Where would I get a metal ball from?
Isnt it bizarre I’m planning this to take my dog and small daughter out 😔so unfair

Sartre · 03/02/2023 14:24

I know this is awful to say but factually accurate, you’re most at risk in your home with your DH. Most women are murdered by their partner and the vast majority of people murdered in general are murdered by someone they know. Random attacks are extremely rare. If you apply Occam’s razor here, the chance of anything happening to you is extremely slim.

BonniesBaby · 03/02/2023 14:30

I'm obviously pretty thick as I go out alone with the dog for hours in the day and never worry.

Occasionally around here we do have dog-on-dog attacks as lots off the lead so will sometimes be wary of that but nothing else.

My parents always taught me that a life lived in fear is no life at all.

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 17:29

BonniesBaby · 03/02/2023 14:30

I'm obviously pretty thick as I go out alone with the dog for hours in the day and never worry.

Occasionally around here we do have dog-on-dog attacks as lots off the lead so will sometimes be wary of that but nothing else.

My parents always taught me that a life lived in fear is no life at all.

Living in fear and being cautious are different things. Personally I don’t live in fear but I use common sense when it comes to safety. Even the bravest person practices caution.
Blueysfamilyareperfect I have no idea where to get a heavy ball from, it can be a wooden ball too not necessarily a metal one. Cricket balls are quite hard, no?

SharkVega · 03/02/2023 17:43

I'm sure statistically you're far more at risk from e.g. a car mounting a pavement when walking in urban areas than in more rural areas. I've seen several stories where people have been killed in that way in the last year.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 03/02/2023 18:14

I share location on my iPhone with DH and tell him when I expect to be back. If he’s not home, I do it with a friend instead.

Greyfelt · 03/02/2023 18:20

I feel that walking in the middle of the countryside where you normally don't meet anyone has to be lower risk than walking somewhere that is more popular, like a not very busy park. It's unlikely that a rapist will hang around in the countryside in the hope that a suitable target will happen to go for a walk just then. So unless you think that you may be targeted by someone who knows you and your routines - in which case make sure that you vary your routines.