Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do these walks if you were me?

129 replies

Whycantwebefreetolive · 02/02/2023 23:05

Feeling very anxious about dog walks recently, as a few others seem to be. I’ve been feeling it more the last month or so, not sure why.
I live near to some open fields and woods leading down to the beach.
We go as a family (with Dh) to take the dog in the woods at the weekends and feel safe.
During the week, Dh isn’t home until it’s dark, he’s tired in winter by then and we don’t want to take Dd, 4 out in the dark.
During the day I often take Dd and the dog on my own into the fields part by my home, it’s very open, but with no one around. We’ve always enjoyed it, but I often feel I can’t fully relax. The other day I just started to feel really anxious and just hurried Dd (in a fun way, she didn’t know I was worried) and the dog back home. Then I felt really crappy and also annoyed that I feel scared there.
There’s a road that runs along a little further away that often has the odd car/can down.
I don’t know..I’m wondering if I’m putting us at risk going here?
It’s so nice to have this space we can just walk to at the end of the road. I sometimes drive Dd and our dog to a more open place with people to walk, but we enjoy it by our house.
Would you go or it’s too risky?

OP posts:
MariahsBaubles · 03/02/2023 07:29

Is there anything else going on that is troubling you? Sometimes worry or anxiety bubbles up in one area of life but actually it's coming from something else (eg Health worries, family troubles, guilty feelings). Or can be triggered by hormone changes or some medication - have you started taking anything new? Could you be approaching menopause or perimenopause?

portocristo · 03/02/2023 07:33

I always carry a jar of hot chili powder that would do the trick if you flung it in their eyes.

PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 07:41

MariahsBaubles · 03/02/2023 07:29

Is there anything else going on that is troubling you? Sometimes worry or anxiety bubbles up in one area of life but actually it's coming from something else (eg Health worries, family troubles, guilty feelings). Or can be triggered by hormone changes or some medication - have you started taking anything new? Could you be approaching menopause or perimenopause?

Is this for real? Are we telling women they are irrational for realising that they are vulnerable? Would you say this to a woman who doesn't want to walk home from a night out alone?

By all means be 'big and brave' and say that the fact incidents are slim means you won't be stopped from living your life how you want but this is verging on gaslighting.

Whatislove82 · 03/02/2023 07:45

portocristo · 03/02/2023 07:33

I always carry a jar of hot chili powder that would do the trick if you flung it in their eyes.

Seriously? Do you always carry around a jar of hot chilli? Genuinely curious!

bigbluebus · 03/02/2023 07:46

I walk on my own - don't have a dog. I sometimes feel like you do and then I tell myself that I've lived in this area for 30 years and I've never heard of anyone being attacked/abducted whilst out walking. My slight anxiety comes from my DM who was frightened of her own shadow.

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 07:47

MariahsBaubles · 03/02/2023 07:29

Is there anything else going on that is troubling you? Sometimes worry or anxiety bubbles up in one area of life but actually it's coming from something else (eg Health worries, family troubles, guilty feelings). Or can be triggered by hormone changes or some medication - have you started taking anything new? Could you be approaching menopause or perimenopause?

Not this perimenopause shit again! What does it have to do with walking in the countryside with a dog? Jesus wept!
🙄Massive eye roll..

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 03/02/2023 07:52

portocristo · 03/02/2023 07:33

I always carry a jar of hot chili powder that would do the trick if you flung it in their eyes.

Couldn't this very quickly backfire on you if the wind was in the wrong direction or they overpowered you before you managed to throw it?

Clymene · 03/02/2023 07:53

@PoseyFlump if the OP hasn't been feeling like this in the past, it's an absolutely fair question to ask.

When anxiety stops you from doing things you enjoy, there's a problem.

ahagb · 03/02/2023 07:56

Lcb123 · 03/02/2023 07:14

Sorry but that seems an extreme and irrational concern to me. If you’re feeling this way in general I’d be seeking support for anxiety.

This is ridiculous. What makes you qualified to say that ?

notacooldad · 03/02/2023 07:59

Yes I would do that walk,without a doubt.
I walk dogs alone for 5-6 hours That sounds fabulous!

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 03/02/2023 08:00

I have this awful bad habit of going out for a walk with my dogs when the sun is going down, thinking I have plenty of time, and then suddenly it is dark and I have to walk through a thickly wooded area. I get spooked if I think about it. It's the thinking that is the bugger here.

2bazookas · 03/02/2023 08:01

You're not "at risk" on dog walks.

You are at risk of developing MH problems which will have a huge impact on your children and family life. You're already showing symptoms.This is manageable, treatable, curable, you can get help.

Please, please, go and see your GP to get some help very soon. Don't ignore it until you find yourself trapped in the house with multiple fears.

Whatislove82 · 03/02/2023 08:02

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 02/02/2023 23:13

I walk dogs alone for 5-6 hours a day and I've never once felt worried or scared.

How on earth for you find the time for 6 hours of walking a day? Children? Work? …. Life?!

Formerglorystory66 · 03/02/2023 08:09

Presumably poster who walks dogs 5-6 hrs a day could be a professional dog walker?

I find it helpful to have the mindset that every walk I take is getting me physically stronger which kind of cancels out the potential risk of something ever happening in your own mind. You are taking a preventative intentional action against ill health by walking every day ifyswim. And ill health statistically much more likely than random attack!

PurpleNebula84 · 03/02/2023 08:22

Two days ago, I wouldn't have had an issue walking my dog anywhere at any time of day - however, the other evening whilst my dog was off lead in a wooded area I heard footsteps behind me. I couldn't see anyone (very dark) so quickened my pace and so did the footsteps behind me. I legged it, called my dog and my dog spent a minute or two barking at something where I'd just legged it from. There was definitely something amiss. I'm not a drama queen and not easily shaken. I rang the Police but obviously couldn't give them much detail. I didn't imagine it. It won't stop me going out, but I'll definitely be a lot more vigilant and less blasé about wandering around in the dark.

dottiedodah · 03/02/2023 08:29

I agree op.obv poor nicola Bulley who is still missing. But won't walk anywhere too quiet.a friend was grabbed by a guy some time ago .one of her labs grabbed his arm the other one his leg!.he ran off .a chap was standing on his own I walked away.its a shame but I would err on the side of caution

JodiePants · 03/02/2023 08:33

Pepper spray is illegal but you can buy this if you think it would help with getting out and feeling more confident. It sprays paint on an attacker which would hopefully deter any would be creeps. In the face would be good!

www.amazon.co.uk/SABRE-Mini-Self-Defence-Spray/dp/B00ANM3624/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=cs+spray+for+self+defence&qid=1675412941&sr=8-1

Mumsanetta · 03/02/2023 08:34

Oh fuck off to the suggestions that feeling uneasy about walking in isolated open fields and woods alone in this day and age is a sign of perimenopause or anxiety! Talk about gaslighting. @Whycantwebefreetolive ignore these dumb, unhelpful comments.

You are statistically unlikely to be attacked while out walking but that doesn’t mean you have no need to feel uneasy about it, especially as that poor woman still hasn’t been found and it’s all over the news. I live in a safe but poorly lit small city and always carry my iPhone in my hand up my sleeve when I’m out alone in the dark as I have the emergency settings configured - press the off button 5 times and it sets off a siren and calls your emergency contacts with your location. If I was attacked I would set it off and then throw the phone so that it couldn’t be switched off.

That said, if you don’t feel comfortable just walk somewhere else for a bit until you get your confidence back.

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 08:35

PurpleNebula84 · 03/02/2023 08:22

Two days ago, I wouldn't have had an issue walking my dog anywhere at any time of day - however, the other evening whilst my dog was off lead in a wooded area I heard footsteps behind me. I couldn't see anyone (very dark) so quickened my pace and so did the footsteps behind me. I legged it, called my dog and my dog spent a minute or two barking at something where I'd just legged it from. There was definitely something amiss. I'm not a drama queen and not easily shaken. I rang the Police but obviously couldn't give them much detail. I didn't imagine it. It won't stop me going out, but I'll definitely be a lot more vigilant and less blasé about wandering around in the dark.

I don’t blame you.
Rapists and psychos are not going to ambush women in a crowded area in a busy city, they go to secluded places where there’s likely nobody stopping them and witnessing their deeds. And they know that women walk their dogs there. I wouldn’t walk in the woods alone, even with a dog, unless it’s a ferocious pit bull.

JodiePants · 03/02/2023 08:36

JodiePants · 03/02/2023 08:33

Pepper spray is illegal but you can buy this if you think it would help with getting out and feeling more confident. It sprays paint on an attacker which would hopefully deter any would be creeps. In the face would be good!

www.amazon.co.uk/SABRE-Mini-Self-Defence-Spray/dp/B00ANM3624/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=cs+spray+for+self+defence&qid=1675412941&sr=8-1

Although reading a bit more about it is unclear if it is legal so maybe ignore my post 😳

blobby10 · 03/02/2023 08:36

@Whycantwebefreetolive I used to walk our dogs for miles without a concern but that was ten years ago. Not sure if I would now. I now cycle for miles on my own and was getting a bit anxious about something happening so paid £80 a year for Strava premium - it means that at the start of every ride/walk/run I can send a beacon to someone so they can track on the app exactly where I am during the ride/walk/run. its very accurate and gives me a great deal of peace of mind. It does sometimes seem like a stalkers tool but its a safety measure that I'm happy to use. Would using something like this alleviate your worries at all?

ahagb · 03/02/2023 08:38

2bazookas · 03/02/2023 08:01

You're not "at risk" on dog walks.

You are at risk of developing MH problems which will have a huge impact on your children and family life. You're already showing symptoms.This is manageable, treatable, curable, you can get help.

Please, please, go and see your GP to get some help very soon. Don't ignore it until you find yourself trapped in the house with multiple fears.

What the hell is wrong with you that you immediately write off someone else's concerns as a MH issue and tell them to see a doctor ? Most people I know wouldn't feel totally comfortable walking somewhere deserted alone. That's not a weird thing. I know lots of others who just wouldn't do it, myself included.

Kamia · 03/02/2023 08:41

What's triggered your anxiety? Did something happen near those woods?

Snailsaresweet · 03/02/2023 08:50

I go for walks by myself in the countryside quite frequently, and I don't worry about being attacked - the risks seem to be pretty minimal if you think about it objectively. I do worry about falling over and hurting myself, and I minimise that risk by carrying a phone with me, as well as a whistle (really useful if there's no mobile phone coverage), and also taking a walking pole if I'm going anywhere slippy and/or steep. I don't tell anyone where I'm going, but I probably should - although I don't always have anyone to tell.

BogRollBOGOF · 03/02/2023 09:00

I feel safer running through quiet open countryside than I do on urban cycle routes. Preditory males aren't going to waste their time hanging around waiting for a couple of hours between each rambler/ dog walker. Even if we're going for worst case scenarios, there's few points accessible by vehicle where I could be abducted and forcibly removed from the area.

The urban cycle routes do have more people around and loitering, so I'm more "alert" there. It's safer in the grand scheme of things than running around roads with traffic risk. Plus more chance of idiots shouting inane comments from vehicle windows.

There have been very localised incidents that made me more selective about routes for a while where I have avoided specific sections of path or zones within a mile or two of recent incidents that may be in the known area of a repeat offender. My reaction was to get an attack alarm and choose alternative places to run until the police caught him a few weeks later.

It was a male that was known to me who assaulted me. Fortunately I woke up before the situation became more serious. We were in a room full of people. I'm not generally restricting my life for a statistically unusual stranger danger, and incidents that have occurred in other parts of the country, and it would be irrational to do so.