Would you do these walks if you were me?

[Whycantwebefreetolive]

Feeling very anxious about dog walks recently, as a few others seem to be. I’ve been feeling it more the last month or so, not sure why.
I live near to some open fields and woods leading down to the beach.
We go as a family (with Dh) to take the dog in the woods at the weekends and feel safe.
During the week, Dh isn’t home until it’s dark, he’s tired in winter by then and we don’t want to take Dd, 4 out in the dark.
During the day I often take Dd and the dog on my own into the fields part by my home, it’s very open, but with no one around. We’ve always enjoyed it, but I often feel I can’t fully relax. The other day I just started to feel really anxious and just hurried Dd (in a fun way, she didn’t know I was worried) and the dog back home. Then I felt really crappy and also annoyed that I feel scared there.
There’s a road that runs along a little further away that often has the odd car/can down.
I don’t know..I’m wondering if I’m putting us at risk going here?
It’s so nice to have this space we can just walk to at the end of the road. I sometimes drive Dd and our dog to a more open place with people to walk, but we enjoy it by our house.
Would you go or it’s too risky?

It's the best job in the world!

Even on days like today where it's chucking down and the mud is ankle deep 🤣

@Whatislove82 - walking dogs is my job

I’m still walking my dog by myself in fields locally. I’ve been doing it for 26 years (different dogs) in a rural location and have never felt worried. On one occasion I came across a somewhat strange man with no dog, but I just pulled my phone out and appeared to be on a call. I think he was eccentric, that is all.

If you feel in need of carrying protection, for gods sake don't let it be anything that could harm yourself like pepper or chili (either by blowing back in your face or used by the other in a struggle.). The last thing you need is to be blinded or struggling to breathe.

Carry a rape alarm. Huge unstoppable 140db noise attracting distant attention, assistance (and potential eye witnesses) is an effective deterrent that won't prevent your exit from the scene. And legal.

@2bazookas Where do you get them from? Would the noise be loud enough in a deserted field?

I walk all the fields and woods around us alone and with ds and have for the last 20 years. We live in a small village. Do you live on the edge of a city? I'd be more anxious in deserted areas around London but here I feel completely safe. I don't own a mobile phone but of course take one if you're concerned. Living somewhere where you don't feel safe must be horrible though.

OP I walk and run in fields and woods on my own and have for years .. I didn’t when the kids were tiny though as once I took the kids in the woods and came across some men digging .. there are all sorts of semi innocent explanations

I have become less comfortable about doing so over the last year or so .. though I expect my invisibility cloak ( I’m 50 and not Glamorous ) does provide some protection .

I would suggest you look for alternatives - I would Google local walks or look at footpath routes on an Ordanance Survey map - they are likely to be more used . Here too I often try to go out just after school run as there are more dog walkers about .. I would also recommend passing the time of day with everyone you pass even if it’s just a cheery good morning .. it will make you feel safer

You don't have to be eccentric to go for a walk without a dog.

You don't have to be eccentric to go for a walk without a dog.

^ yes, that confused me too! I see loads of people walking without dogs everyday - they were all very normal

What the hell is wrong with you that you immediately write off someone else's concerns as a MH issue and tell them to see a doctor ?

I pay attention.

She is aware of her own mental change over a period of time in her own familiar safe surroundings .

OP words; "It’s very open but with no one around/We’ve always enjoyed it/
It’s so nice to have this space we can just walk to at the end of the road."

The place hasn't changed, her mental state has. Contrast the above with

OP's words;

Feeling very anxious /....I’ve been feeling it more the last month or so/ , not sure/ / I can’t fully relax/ feel really anxious/ I was worried/ I felt really crappy/ annoyed/ scared/ wondering if I’m putting us at risk/ it's too risky?

That is real distress and anxiety.

Are you visible from the houses? Do you know your neighbours? And is there anything unusual about the car/van that parks? If you used to feel comfortable then it might be that some small thing has set off your anxiety, and you need to think what that might be. A neighbour, or the same person switching between car and van... I.e. someone specific who you subconsciously noticed has been watching you. If that isn't the case and you're spooked by the news, then focus on sharing your location and having check-in times so that you can relax more.

Yes I would (and do) although I don't have a dog. I know on mumsnet everyone is too terrified to answer their front door, or go outside after dark or walk by themselves but that's not been my experience in the real world. I don't stop going to town because women are attacked there and I don't not go to the woods and moors in case something bad happens to me. Rationally the greatest threat to my life is my weight and I still don't always say no to the cake. There are risks in life, if I don't take the major ones seriously, why stress over the unlikely.

I do similar walks in daytime but not at night

It is hard to enjoy them though 😭

I walk or run wherever whenever. Town, cities, country, parks, canals, riverside, mountains, woods, fields, beaches, tunnels, moors, underpasses. Nearly always alone or with a DC or two, running and hiking are my hobbies but not shared by any close friends, I like the headspace of being alone when I can. I don’t have a dog.

I have my torch and head torch when I’m out in the dark. But if I want to go somewhere, I go, regardless of time of day. I often walk alone on purpose after dark. I often walk in deserted places. I see no risk in doing what you are doing OP and wouldn’t think twice about it.

I totally understand why you're feeling worried.

I walk in remote places a lot myself and have come to the conclusion that a life where I don't get to enjoy frequent isolated walks is not for me. And so I take the risk.

But I am taking that risk with 35kg of nervy dog who will bark if a sheep so much as looks at him. A stranger running up, coupled with a fearful reaction from me is likely to trigger a torrent of barking and growling and I suspect he may give anyone pause for thought if they were planning anything nefarious. I'm not sure I'd be quite so gung-ho with a sweet little dog.

It hasn't ever occurred to me to be scared in that sort of setting. But then again I live in the middle of a remote wood so it's where I spend all my time.

I agree with the PP who suggested carrying a loud rape alarm or similar. It might just give you the confidence you need.

Alternatively... could you your dog be trained in some defence tactics??

@MRex Nothing in particular has set it off, I’ve always had a vivid imagination, so if I get in that frame of mind, I can convince myself almost that someone is around. Obviously recent events on the news have had a bearing too.
On the other side of the woods is a meet up place for gay men too

That wasn't why he was eccentric, sorry, he was talking to himself and stopping to take photos of empty fields, i should have said but was distracted.

But thinking about it, to be honest, around here most of the men I see walking alone DO have dogs and the ones that don't do stand out. My son, 26, says he's aware of being looked at more when walking without our dog, when he stays.

If it's just the news and you aren't in the immediate vicinity then best to call yourself into a better headspace. Maybe walk elsewhere for a few weeks until you forget to worry.

I walk alone in the woods (without dogs) 5 times a week.

I am at the greatest risk when crossing the road to get there.

I walk mine miles every day through countryside, and rarely see a soul. It's usually dark at both ends at the day and it rarely bothers me. I've only walked back home once as something just felt "off". But I do have a super loud dog whistle in my pocket at all times - it's a proper ref's whistle and can be heard for miles!

You can't help your feelings and if you are anxious out walking with just your daughter than don't do it. Doesn't seem like an enjoyable walk if you are worried. Is there a park nearby you could drive to for the walks when you are on your own?

I live near the mountains and go up for walks all the time often on my own as my kids are older and never want to come. They are proper trailed walks so perfectly safe. I was chatting with a friend about it and she was horrified I went alone but it had never crossed my mind as unsafe. I can see where she is coming from and she doesn't feel safe so won't do it just like with your dog walking what others do is irrelevant if you don't feel safe and are anxious don't put yourself through it, life's too short for worrying yourself unnecessarily

Ignore the suggestion of training your dog to attack.

You’re more at risk from a dog attack than being snatched while on a dog walk. It’s an even worse idea if you’ve got children. I know women get nervous about being vulnerable but stranger attacks are still pretty rare. Just use your common sense and keep your wits about you.

That suggestion was meant to be facetious...

I'm a dog owner. I walk locally across country and through woods in areas where there are no other people around. I'm not scared. I know the risks.

You are in worse danger putting your daughter in the car and driving somewhere for a walk than walking locally. Your chances of being involved in a car accident are far higher than your chance of being attacked by a random stranger. There are more than 300 motor accidents requiring police and emergency attendance each day and 5-6 people killed in car accidents every day.

Don't let irrational fear prevent you from doing walking the dog locally. Feel the fear and, having rationally assessed the danger, do it anyway. Millions of women live in real, daily threat of harm and injury. Don't let unfounded fears hold you back and don't teach your daughter to be scared of things that are never likely to happen to you.

Buy one of these or something similar and carry it with you till you've got over this blip and feel safer:

www.amazon.co.uk/Sabre-S-DID-22J-AMZ-UK-Runner-Defence-Spray/dp/B08BK63J4H/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=mace%2Bspray&qid=1675420592&sr=8-1&th=1