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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being unhappy that school is using my dd (4yrs) to fundraise for Barnardos without my permission?

60 replies

ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 11:29

I feel really quite annoyed that my dd in reception has come home with a sponsorship type form asking for donations for barnardos from her friends and family.She has been told if she brings money in she can enter a competition to win a teddy bear.So she wants us to do it, but my husband and I already donate to charities. I just don't appreciate being badgered for money from my own child through her school. They already pester for money and stuff for the PTA every other week.
I do not want to pester friends or family for donations.Dd is too young to really understand the whole concept.
Am I just being silly?

OP posts:
Wendyjayb · 07/02/2008 11:31

Unfortunatly it's all part of school life.
My ds is only 2.2 and he goes to nursery and already has done 2 sponsered things in the last 4 months

coppertop · 07/02/2008 11:33

Our school had something similar recently and tbh I didn't have a problem with it. We knew in advance that there would be a visit and that the school would be trying to raise money. I didn't ask friends or family though. I just put in a donation myself.

violetsky · 07/02/2008 11:39

You wait once they go to school it's fundraising for one thing or another, all the bloody time.

TotalChaos · 07/02/2008 11:40

I think the sponsorship stuff is par for the course I'm afraid. BUT I think it's not on that only kids that bring money in can enter the competition - not fair on those with skint/disinterested parents.

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 11:47

well i was just going to ignore it to be honest, until dd started moaning about wanting to win the teddy, which of course she probably won't, and then she'll be upset anyway.
I suppose I might have to put something in, but they only want one cheque, not cash, so if I send a cheque for £2 it seems pathetic really doesn't it?
If she was actually taking part in some sort of event that meant proper sponsership I would feel better about it but its just asking people for donations...They may as well just send her out to the high street with a tin!

OP posts:
CaptainCod · 07/02/2008 11:48

YABU

morningpaper · 07/02/2008 11:49

'Tis annoying I agree but part of the package

I just send a fiver or something and don't pester people

cornsilk · 07/02/2008 11:51

I usually just send in a few quid from us and don't bother getting sponsors from anyone else. My ds won the teddy once.

Saturn74 · 07/02/2008 11:53

The teddy thing is unfair, as some children have hoardes of relatives that will donate, some don't.

But it's par for the course.

Send some money if you can afford it, but explain to your DD that the purpose of the money is to help others, and that the teddy prize for the most money raised is not really in keeping with the ethos of a charitable donation.

ecoworrier · 07/02/2008 11:54

Sorry, I think you're being unreasonable. Donate if you want to (even a pound or a pile of coppers is fine), don't if you'd rather not for whatever reason.

People often write cheques to schools for £1-2, it's not pathetic at all.

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 11:55

God can't believe everyone else is fine about it! Must be just me. I just feel its exploiting my child. In my opinion school is there to teach her not to use her as a fundraiser. You would not believe how many fundraising things she has done since september. When its money for the school I don't mind so much but now they are asking for money for other companies/charities. This is in a low paid area too!

OP posts:
CaptainCod · 07/02/2008 11:55

well tellt eh school then!

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 11:59

Don't think I'll tell the school as its obviously only me who feels like this! Sod it I'll just let her pester everyone she sees over half term for money.
Its obviously acceptable.

OP posts:
CaptainCod · 07/02/2008 11:59

well we dont knwo anything baout your kdis schol
aks he other mums

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 12:03

When I brought up feeling angry about the operation xmas child thing after reading about it on mumsnet the other mums looked at me like I was mental so I'll just go along with it all.

OP posts:
MAMAZON · 07/02/2008 12:03

YABU
she is never too young to learn there are children less fortunate than herself.

if you do not wish to donate you can explain that you understand she wants to win the teddy but you already give money and that as she already has lots of toys the teddy should go to someone who doesn't.

though i too would be angry at having to send a cheque - i dont even have a cheque book anymore as no where takes them, i havent ordered a new one.

Freckle · 07/02/2008 12:04

I wrote to my sons' infant school about this years ago. Pointed out that we donate to carefully selected charities and object to being subjected to emotional blackmail to support a charity which we may, for whatever reason, have specifically decided we didn't want to support - it's not just Barnardos that they fundraise for. The children don't understand and of course there is some incentive for them to get sponsors.

Write to the school if you feel that strongly, but don't necessarily expect them to respect your views.

ecoworrier · 07/02/2008 12:06

You don't have to pester anyone. We never do. We send in what we want to/can afford, whether that's 50p or £5. End of story. No-one is forcing you to, they're asking you. If you decide not to, I think your daughter is old enough for you to explain that you already give to different charities and have decided not to do this one. She will soon forget any fleeting disappointment over a teddy. Keep it brisk and cheerful and don't make a huge thing of it. If you'd rather not disappoint her and have no huge moral objection to that charity, send in a cheque for £1 or 50p. It's really no big deal.

I think you are over-reacting to feel the school is 'exploiting' your child. Charities are unfortunately a fact of life and it's for us to decide which ones to support. You could argue it's good for schools to encourage community involvement and thinking of others. The only thing I think is a bit sad is that it's just a donation, I think at our school the children have always had to 'do' something, whether it's a sponsored activity or even just a quiz or wordsearch.

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 07/02/2008 12:10

Yes,I think I would feel far happier if she was taking part in an activity. I wouldn't feel awkward if she was asking people to sponsor her as thats quite sweet. But just asking for donations seems wrong.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 07/02/2008 12:10

Never too young to learn about how lucky our children are, imho. And if she doesn't win the teddy, there's another lesson learnt too!

SoupDragon · 07/02/2008 12:13

I thought you were going to say they'd auctioned her off with the rest of the class to the highest bidder.

It's not exactly without your permission, she doesn't have to do it. She's brought a form home, you can say no.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 07/02/2008 12:23

I don't like the teddy competition aspect but I do actively support schools doing charity work and a Reception-aged child is not too young to learn.

Our schools latest fundraiser was Unicef day (£1 for no uniform) and during assembly they were told about the lack of clean water in the Gambia and shown some slides. My 4yo & 6yo were full of it when they got home. It's a good thing to learn.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 07/02/2008 12:29

ellasmum - if your school just asks for money without doing any 'work' to earn it (ie. sponsored walk) perhaps you could suggest something?

I think you should talk to the teachers about what other charities the school supports - is there a parents evening coming up? Ask them what the children are taught about the charities they're involved with - your DD may have been told lots about Dr Barnado's but not bothered you with the details .

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 07/02/2008 12:37

I hope that when my DD goes to school there are fund-raising things like this still going on.

One of the joys I had as a child was putting money into the charity box which was outside our local butchers - loved putting money in and knew where money went as explained by my mum.

Children dont sometimes see what parents give to charity, esp if by direct debit etc, so these are a great way to show that - I want my DD growing up knowing how to be charitable (we've already started by toy donations!)

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/02/2008 12:37

I dont think schools learning children about charities, people in need etc is unreasonable. Its part and parcel of life.

I understand you have your own charities you support but those are your own personal choices and children should learn about other kinds in order that they can decide for themselves later in life who they wish to support.

If you dont agree, then dont send the form back. I dont agree with the charity shoe boxes but didnt let me views affect DS who wanted to make one.

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