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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not agree with one cooks and one cleans at meal times?

86 replies

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2023 19:18

It drives DH mad that I refuse tidy/clean the kitchen after he's cooked a meal.

The reasons I don't do it are:

  • we dont split other household tasks this way. So if I do the washing, he doesn't fold it and put it away. If he cuts the grass I don't empty the cuttings etc.
  • whenever he cooks he uses every pot, pan, chopping board, knife etc and does not tidy as he goes at all. There is always a pile of onion skins or the ends of carrot on the bench as well. I had it drilled into me to tidy/clean as I go so the only thing to to wash is the pan I've served from (plates go straight into the dishwasher)
  • he enjoys cooking and coming up with tricky/difficult recipes often using different difficult to clean gadgets which I don't want to be cleaning up at 9/10pm during the week.

I've told him in the past that I will finish the kitchen off if he cooks providing he hasn't made a stonking mess but he thinks this isn't fair as he's slaved over a hot stove preparing food for me.

This is all light-hearted btw, no fall outs or ltbs

OP posts:
worried4698643 · 02/02/2023 19:20

Absolutely agree. I clean as I cook so there isn't much left at the end.

DH is an absolute idiot and will use every single pot/pan/utensil.

Sparklfairy · 02/02/2023 19:20

No it only works if you're both equally tidy/chaotic cooks. It's not fair otherwise.

shivawn · 02/02/2023 19:21

We do it so that the person cooking also cleans, that way the other person gets a proper break those nights. I just clean as I go while cooking and then there's not a lot left to do after dinner.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2023 19:21

Best to take it in turns to both cook and clean up, in these circumstances

Mamette · 02/02/2023 19:22

Agree. No way am I tidying DH mess. Whoever cooks cleans up also. The other person does DC bath and bed.

Johnnysgirl · 02/02/2023 19:23

Yes, totally agree; for much the same reasons as those you've listed.

SalmonEile · 02/02/2023 19:26

I’m in the exact same boat OP, lots of little serving dishes and gadgets and cutting boards that can’t go in the dishwasher
what ends up happening is I clean up a certain amount and the rest gets left and done over the next day or two by one or both of us
…. which I realize is a bit grim now that I typed it out
Eh Nobody come to my house without calling first lol

Original poster
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2023 19:26

Honestly we can make the same meal and somehow he uses three times as much stuff as I do and splashes whatever all over the kitchen. He also leaves cupboard doors open

OP posts:
Original poster
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2023 19:27

SalmonEile · 02/02/2023 19:26

I’m in the exact same boat OP, lots of little serving dishes and gadgets and cutting boards that can’t go in the dishwasher
what ends up happening is I clean up a certain amount and the rest gets left and done over the next day or two by one or both of us
…. which I realize is a bit grim now that I typed it out
Eh Nobody come to my house without calling first lol

Haha same! Last night's pan is still 'soaking' because he didn't do it last night and is out tonight.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 02/02/2023 19:27

I wouldn't want to clean up after a messy cook but that system works for us. I do all the cooking (because I like it) and clean as I go so there's not that much for him to do. I wouldn't want him to cook but if he did I know he would be tidy. The food would just not be very interesting.

Leeds2 · 02/02/2023 19:28

Nothing wrong with your approach, as long as you have equal turns at cooking when you cook and clean yourself.
Would drive me mad having to clear up after someone who had used every dish and gadget known to man!

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 19:29

Taking turns means 1 person is in the kitchen only and 1 gets the night off. Dh makes too much mess also op.

Cnidarian · 02/02/2023 19:31

I hate doing this with DH because I tidy up as I'm cooking, whereas he will not put a single thing away or in the bin so it is CHAOS. YANBU.

helloelsie · 02/02/2023 19:34

It works for some helping each other but in your case YANBU, maybe it will encourage your DH to wash and clean as he goes along

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2023 19:37

DH doesn't cook anymore, but when he did he would put the ingredients in separate little bowls like he was on Saturday kitchen.

greenacrylicpaint · 02/02/2023 19:38

we do the'I cook you clean' in our house.
but we are both pot-savers and make a similar amount of mess.

Original poster
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2023 19:39

I hardly ever cook for us as he's a back seat chef. Keeps hopping in to 'help' and ends up taking over. I will if he's out and I can make something that's ready for when he's back and I'll cook when he's away obvs. Most of the time he cooks. But I do all the washing, the shopping and he has every Saturday "off duty" as he's off playing sports so I say evenings are my time.

Happy to swap if he would keep the F out the way

OP posts:
caffelattetogo · 02/02/2023 19:40

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2023 19:37

DH doesn't cook anymore, but when he did he would put the ingredients in separate little bowls like he was on Saturday kitchen.

Yes, this was the thing that drove me crazy - all the little bowls. They only do that on cookery shows and youtube videos as a demo, but DH insists on it.

Original poster
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2023 19:42

I need to show him this thread so he knows I'm not alone in my refusal!

OP posts:
Idgaff · 02/02/2023 19:43

DH went to catering colleague when he left school and worked as a chef for a
few years. Whenever he cooks he not only uses every pot and pan going, but he has the chef mentality that it’s for others to clear up everything afterwards - drives me mad!

mrsbyers · 02/02/2023 19:44

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2023 19:37

DH doesn't cook anymore, but when he did he would put the ingredients in separate little bowls like he was on Saturday kitchen.

Exactly what mine does when making a curry - why he can’t just put all the spices on a single plate or something is beyond me

GenuinelyDone · 02/02/2023 19:44

It works for us because I loath cooking. The trade off is I clean as my husband cooks 95% of our family meals.

If I were single, I'd survive on muesli. I just don't like food enough to be bothered by cooking it.

CappuccinoFace · 02/02/2023 19:50

YANBU. My DP is happy waiting something to boil etc just watch it, whereas I'm tidying up the kitchen the whole time.

BMXsummoner · 02/02/2023 19:52

Totally fair that you shouldn’t have to clean up his mess. My DH is the same and it drives me round the bend. At this point I’d rather he didn’t cook at all so I don’t have to look at the chaos and filth left in his wake.

Fizbosshoes · 02/02/2023 19:52

SalmonEile · 02/02/2023 19:26

I’m in the exact same boat OP, lots of little serving dishes and gadgets and cutting boards that can’t go in the dishwasher
what ends up happening is I clean up a certain amount and the rest gets left and done over the next day or two by one or both of us
…. which I realize is a bit grim now that I typed it out
Eh Nobody come to my house without calling first lol

This is my DH too.
The annoying thing is he often says he will clear up "later". The longest I have left something for "later" in a passive aggressive way is 2 weeks!! Blush
However I recently got fed up with just general skivvying and started a rota for us and the teens. On it is cook dinner and tidy away. (As in put away packets/ingredients, wipe clean surfaces etc and pile up stuff on the draining board) And then the other person washes up. It does seem to have worked so far and it's a lot more harmonious and tidy! It's only week 2 though!