daughter's play

[Dobby123456]

So, my daughter likes drama and has been getting good reports from the teacher in charge of drama at her school. Last year she (the teacher) said my daughter was really doing well and should be taking on one of the larger roles in the school play. Luckily, I didn't say anything to my daughter as it was a whole year away, because now the play has come round the teacher's given her a quite a rubbish role. She was writing to me about something else, and then at the end of the email added something about casting her in a smaller role because she really works well as part of a team.

My daughter came home very disappointed in her part (something like 'servant 2'). I tried to be encouraging and said it would be fun just to be involved, but I was quite disappointed myself, and quite confused. I don't know much about drama, but why would you give the small parts to someone who's good at working in a team? Does that mean she gives the big parts to people who can't work with other people! I looked at the script and there were quite a lot of reasonable size parts, so it's not a case of there just not being enough to go round for all the good people. I know casting isn't just about how good you are - it's also about 'fitting' the role - but surely the teacher could have given her something better than servant 2!

I'm wondering if the teacher tells all the parents that their children are brilliant and are going to get starring parts and I'm just the only idiot that thought she really meant it!

YABU.

Did they have to audition for parts? Your dd may be very good at drama, but that doesn't necessarily mean that others weren't better suited to the parts available. Or maybe others who needed the confidence boost a bit more?

My dd is very good at drama but had a lot of crap parts before she ever got any good ones. Sometimes it's just the way it goes. DD learnt to accept the role that she was given with good grace and to throw herself into it anyway. Someone has to play Servant 1 or whatever it is...

I suspect that it's probably a case of who was performing well on the day the teacher was thinking about the roles.
However I was very suspicious that dd1 in her drama group used to always end up getting a part that meant she could spend most of the time herding the smaller children as she was very good at looking after them and they looked up to her.

One thing I would add is that the teamwork aspect is really important. Sometimes, kids have to prove themselves in the little crappy parts, and dd took them as an opportunity to demonstrate that she had a really good attitude. The divas who complained about not having good enough parts typically didn't get cast in better parts as a result of all their complaining. They just irritated the teacher with their entitled attitudes. The ones who quietly got on with it to the best of their abilities and worked on improving their owskills generally found that this paid off for them in the longer term.

And the kids with lead roles do absolutely need to be team players as they often have to support the rest of the cast in rehearsals etc.

Thanks for the reassurance. I guess I'm just wondering how come my daugher has to do all the crappy roles and keep proving what a team player she is and then children who don't even bother turning up to drama club just seem to waltz into a big part! However, if she wants to do drama she'll have to get used to almost never getting the part she wants, so you're right that the attitude might be more important for her to learn right now.

I was just a bit thrown by the teacher saying last year that she should definitely take on the challenge of a larger role and seems to have completely changed her mind. I'm wondering if perhaps she's not that good and shouldn't be putting so much energy and time into drama. But perhaps I'm reading far too much into that. If there was some other extra-curricular she wanted to get involved in I would be encouraging her to do that instead as the drama seems to involve so much disappointment.

I think drama is a great hobby and dd has got loads out of it...including the highs of getting a lead role and learning to deal with disappointment. And also learning to persevere, and to work hard in order to get what she wants. The highs and lows have all been valuable to be honest.

School drama is also a bit different from external drama groups, I think, as there are often wider motives at play. External groups tend to cast primarily on talent/fit for the role. Schools may have other things to consider.

DD's secondary school drama teacher absolutely bloody loved dd, raved about her abilities and always gave her top scores in assessed work. Dd was consistently hardworking, always turned up to rehearsals, went to drama club etc. When it came to the school production, however, dd got cast in a rubbish part. Meanwhile, a classmate who didn't really try much in class and often got into trouble got given a lead role. DD was a bit upset at the time but said nothing and just got on with her own part to the best of her ability.

A couple of years later, she commented to me that it was a genius move on the part of Mrs X to cast the "troublemaker" girl in a lead role because it actually really helped the girl in question to get off the "self destruct" path that she had been on, it gave her a massive confidence boost and something positive to focus on. Maybe the teacher recognised that this kid needed the opportunity more than dd did. Or maybe she just thought that she was better suited to that particular part. We'll never know. In the following production, dd got cast in the lead role and the other girl had a smaller part, but by that time, it didn't matter because the girl had already developed some self belief as a result of having been given that opportunity.

Teachers shouldn't promise anything before auditions imo. Schools generally try and give everyone a chance (at secondary I was "judge 2", in year 7, then the lead in the musical in year 10, then "city person 4" in my final year. They try and give people turns. It doesn't help that it is very crushing to get tiny unnamed parts though! The plus side is that you end up making lots of friends as you end up offstage a lot of the time but still with the excitement of perfomance.

Maybe "servant 2" IS a bigger role (than DD's previous prowess would have got) and a very good measure of her ability?

"Bigger role" could just mean a speaking and action role; bigger than "tree".

To be fair to the teacher, there are no 'trees' in this play - or giant sized roles. When I said 'starring' roles, I meant you get to be the princess (or whatever) at the centre for a bit, and then the story becomes about someone else, or you're the narrator for a bit and then hand over to someone else - not that the whole thing is about you. I just thought that as there are quite a few of those 'important for bit' roles dd had a good chance of getting one.

That's what's thrown me a bit. The teacher didn't need to say that before they'd even chosen the play, let alone cast it!

I'm probably over-reacting because I had really low self-esteem at that age. I see that same 'I'm a total loser, I never get picked for anything' attitude creeping in with my dd and that's really not what I want for her. But what can I do? I keep telling her how good she is (which isn't a lie, I've seen her, she can act) and that it's not about how big your part is, but you can't control how somebody else feels.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks the advice.

Did the teacher give you this information at the point she choosing her options by any chance. My daughter suddenly appeared to have a previously undiscovered talent for music, pe, dt etc at this point! I think they wanted her as she was well behaved and academic rather than having any particular aptitude, sadly with the current GCSE specs being academic and good at completing course work seems more vital than practical ability to get a good grades

My DD is younger than yours (11) but has joined a theatre group and is putting on her second showcase this week. She also auditioned for a couple of their theatre productions and has got in and is in a musical next month. Essentially drama at school will only take you so far. There are great opportunities to be found elsewhere if she likes performing arts.

Someone has to be servant 2 though, don’t they? And (I mean this nicely) every single parent will think their child should have a bigger part and is the prettiest and smartest and most charming child on the stage.

And really things could have just gone badly on the day. She could have fumbled her audition or made a small mistake while others did fantastically well.

But have you read my post, though? The teacher in charge of drama said she should be taking on the challenging roles. I don't expect my daughter to picked for the hockey team because she doesn't like hockey, doesn't turn up to hockey club and the teacher has never indicated that she has any particular talent in hockey. All three apply for drama. So this isn't me just being a fond parent.

There weren't any auditions.

Maybe the teacher in charge of drama didn’t cast the play. Maybe there were other kids in the huge group they teach that needed a super challenging role, or looked right for the part, or maybe were more confident. Acting like she must have the lead in the play because a drama teacher said she could take on more challenging parts is a bit daft.

I never thought she would get the lead - there is no lead. I thought she would get one of the slighter bigger, more challenging roles and the little bitty parts would go to the children who aren't that keen on drama, but just wanted to be involved.

The AIBU is 'AIBU to be confused by the mixed signals I'm getting from this teacher?' Like I said, the sports teacher wouldn't say something like 'Your child is brilliant at hockey, but I'm not putting her in the team'. It's a bit like that.

Sure, I over-reacted because my dd is quite low at the moment, so when she came home disappointed about this as well, it was a bit of a blow. But I'm not going to make a fuss about it, or complain to school or anything. That would be unreasonable.

But I should have remembered the first rule of mumsnet. Never expect understanding or advice where a mum has a chance to put another mum down!

Maybe start her in a local drama club? Drama classes at school are a bit like PE - they’re about getting each child through the curriculum, not really about nurturing the individual talents and interests of each child sadly. But in a proper drama class she could get that nurture.

I wasn’t trying to kick you though. Bit much. I was just saying these things happen, for a multitude of reasons. Being upset about it is just not practical.

One thing we were told in drama: There are no unimportant roles. Every role is important and vital in the telling of the story, even the small ones.

Sorry OP, that's a disappointment. The most positive way to view it is that this experience can help give your dd develop a thicker skin, perseverance and maybe even empathy for the children who got the bigger roles. But it can be really gut wrenching if your dc had their hopes up and they find themselves sidelined.

IME it is the same 1-3 kids in primary school plays who get the lead role year after year. They are the confident ones who do drama club and whose mothers are popular with school staff. We had a handful of primary super stars, they literally got the lead role in every single play since reception, while everyone else got smaller roles.

Interestingly, every single one of these 'star' actors has been sidelined in secondary school, not one of them have had a lead role or even a medium size one in the large productions. Not sure what to make of this but I know that the dc who were used to being leads find it difficult not to be in the centre of attention any longer. It's never fair.

Yes, I know that. 'There are no small parts, only small actors' is the one I've heard. This is what I told my dd when she came home disappointed (not in those words, of course!). Trouble is, I'm not entirely convinced it applies to school plays, and I don't think she is either. In reality you give the main parts to the ones who can act and the little bitty parts to the ones you don't really trust to pull it off.

However, it's not like she's going to become a film star, or something. It's her self-esteem I'm worried about. I'm going to have to find other fun thigs for her to do over the next weeks so she does't get obsessed about this play.

I wasn't trying to sound minimising. I found that perspective helpful myself.

Yep. I really hate that teachers do that. Although I also think it's strange that there were no auditions. My DDs high school productions always have them. How else do you pick parts??