daughter's play

[Dobby123456]

So, my daughter likes drama and has been getting good reports from the teacher in charge of drama at her school. Last year she (the teacher) said my daughter was really doing well and should be taking on one of the larger roles in the school play. Luckily, I didn't say anything to my daughter as it was a whole year away, because now the play has come round the teacher's given her a quite a rubbish role. She was writing to me about something else, and then at the end of the email added something about casting her in a smaller role because she really works well as part of a team.

My daughter came home very disappointed in her part (something like 'servant 2'). I tried to be encouraging and said it would be fun just to be involved, but I was quite disappointed myself, and quite confused. I don't know much about drama, but why would you give the small parts to someone who's good at working in a team? Does that mean she gives the big parts to people who can't work with other people! I looked at the script and there were quite a lot of reasonable size parts, so it's not a case of there just not being enough to go round for all the good people. I know casting isn't just about how good you are - it's also about 'fitting' the role - but surely the teacher could have given her something better than servant 2!

I'm wondering if the teacher tells all the parents that their children are brilliant and are going to get starring parts and I'm just the only idiot that thought she really meant it!

I'm wondering if it's my fault. Because I thought the drama was going well, I haven't been giving it much thought. I missed the teacher at parents' evening because they were all booked up, and then didn't follow it up because I didn't want to seem pushy. Maybe the other parents have been dropping hints about how much their dd loves drama and how excited they area about the play. But, like you say, maybe she'll get her chance at secondary, where I don't think parents have so much sway.

I remember my sister being in drama in school and it had nothing to do with talent but who the popular kids were and if their parents were buddies with the teacher.

I remember the star football player getting the lead in a musical and he couldn't sing a note. Sounded like some poor animal howling.

Passed over was our gay friend, who had an exquisite tenor voice and later on had some professional roles in Hollywood.

OP, for all you know Servent 2 could be a crucial role in a really important collective chorus that is on stage all the time but doesn't have many lines. Or could have one small dialogue scene at the apex of the play. It could be a tiny but nuanced part that requires more skill to do well than some of the obvious bigger parts. Or have one or two lines that are comedy gold that need someone with good timing who is naturally funny to pull off.

I know lots of young people who've done drama out of school and gone on to big London drama school. One or two are now very successful. The one thing they've all had to learn is how to take knockbacks and be humble. You've got to do it because you love it, not because you think you're the best and 'deserve' the shiney roles.

Your attitude is setting you dd up for failure.

Crap behaviour on teacher's part to make this sort of promises, really unprofessional.
As for your DD's role, tell her that even Hollywood A listers don't always get main characters, and still steal the scenes as supporting actors.
That said, if your DD really wants to do drama, better take her to class outside of school, where they focus more on acting, rather than popularity contests or behaviour management.

Big London drama SCHOOLS (plural).

🤣 at an institution called Big London Drama School!

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Is this some kind of comedy role that needs skill, or are there just a lot of children who are just much better at drama than my dd. From the script it doesn't look like much. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Encouraging my dd to spend a lot of time and effort on something she's not that good at would be setting her up for failure, so your little pep talk doesn't make much sense.

I'm glad to hear your gay friend was able to prove his talent in a less biased environment.

Regarding singing, many kids who act reasonably well cannot sing and those who can sing aren't necessarily great at acting, so who should the teachers chose? At the year 6 primary school play a couple of the girls who had lead singing and acting roles sang so badly out of tune I felt really sorry for them, that's not good for their confidence 😳Out of the 2 girls, one was an amazing actor the other had zero stage presence, just knew her lines perfectly but it sounded mechanical and uninspired.

It doesn't really matter at the end of the day as none of them will become professional actors and if they do it's such a hard path. I know, because I shared a menial part-time job with young actors and dancers when I was a student, they were very pretty, very smart girls some of them dancers and some actors I don't believe a single one of the 50 or so girls I knew have made a career out of it. It's tough and I'm glad mine are not really talented 😂. They learn some useful things in drama class at school but that's it.

"Little pep talk" 👀

I wouldn't concern yourself with it too much beyond supporting your daughter and making sure she enjoys herself.

The idea thay she's not got a big part in one play and so must be 'not that good' and should therefore give it up is my point. What kind of lesson is that?

I'm a crap crafter but really enjoy embroidery, it's relaxing. I don't have an amazing singing voice but love being part of a choir, it's sociable. I think it's important for kids to do what they enjoy without being the best at it. That's how people create healthy and fun hobbies in adulthood, and they can keep you sane in a mad world.

As a teacher of a non-compulsory subject, this! Haha!
Now we don’t flat out lie obviously. But “good” doesn’t mean the best. It just means that they have a good chance of success in that subject - not a special skill or anything.

teachers jobs are on the line if they don’t get the kids in the door, unfortunately. It’s the same as sales targets in a sales role.

How old is your DD? At DS's school parts are allocated by who fits into the costumes the best (school provided the costumes (which are reused every year)!

Something we've found is that you have to tell teachers and coaches what your aim is. They don't automatically assume every child wants the best part. They might think Servant 2 matches DD's ambition. Not sure how old your dd is, OP, but if she's old enough to advocate for herself she needs to let the drama teacher know she's hoping for a bigger part next time, and ask advice on how to land one.

It depends on what you're aiming at. I like to give my kids realistic goals. My dd also likes swimming, but there's no way she's going to get on the swim team and she doesn't like races anyway. I tell her 'You like swimming because it's fun splashing about. The aim is to learn not to drown. Don't compare yourself to those kids on the swim team.'

Drama is different. She clearly has bigger ambitions in drama and is going to be frustrated and miserable in the smaller parts. I'm not going to be able to convince her to do it just for laugh.

Encouraging my dd to spend a lot of time and effort on something she's not that good at would be setting her up for failure, so your little pep talk doesn't make much sense.

Ok, how big is this production? Something like an extracurricular hobby, or a potential career builder?
Again, even the biggest Hollywood stars don't always get the desirable main leads.

I think it's good to learn to live with disappointment sometimes. 14yo is a very strong singer and was pretty sure she'd get a part in school musical but was a bit down to be cast in chorus. I'm a very strong believer in advice I heard about not cushioning kids from disappointment, ie I didn't say to DC 'Well, you might not get such a big part in your first go' or anything like that, just told them to go for it. So it's good you didn't say too much once way or the other about getting a role.

But she isn’t going to meet all those ambitions in a school drama class. I think the issue is you aren’t seeing drama at school for what it is. If you think she should be following her ambition in theatre then enroll her in a proper acting class/theatre school.

But if you think she’ll be ‘frustrated and miserable’ in smaller parts and you’re not willing to encourage her in those parts I’d say maybe she doesn’t have that ambition. Look at where many famous actors started - I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds a few weeks ago, an old rerun. Who pops up in a little bit part as the suspect? Aaron Paul. I’m not sure if it occurred to him to be miserable and give up because he was a bit part and he wanted to be in big parts winning Emmys. Many famous actors start in tiny roles, sometimes without even lines! Brad Pitt even did an interview about how he was told off for trying to sneak in a line in his first movie part where he played a silent waiter going round the table.

If she has bigger ambitions in drama she really needs to learn not to get frustrated in the smaller parts. How do you think people make it through drama school and into work? Never accepting an advert or a tiny part in a regional tour because they only want the big time?

That's not how acting works and as an attitude is massively frowned upon.

Sounds like this is her chance to learn that lesson.

And with regards to the swimming and telling her it’s just for fun it kind of sounds like you’re telling her something is only worth working at if you’re instantly talented and recognised at it. That’s not the case!

Kids spending time doing thinks they aren’t good at does the opposite of setting them up for failure. It sets them up for success by teaching resilience.

We have a rule that my daughter can try any activity she fancies, but she has to commit to it for a year. She also must stay in swimming lessons until she achieves level 3 minimum. She’s not at all athletic; but has done gymnastics, rugby, football, and wants to try dancing. She wants to do dancing because she KNOWS she isn’t good at it.

She also recently signed up to learn sign language because she knows she isn’t as good as her friends.

I'll bear that in mind for later on! :) She's a bit young for choosing subjects, though. This teacher is responsible for an over-subscribed drama club after school, so has nothing to lose along those lines.

Your dd is perhaps a bit older than mine and is better able to set herself realistic goals. It all depends, doesn't it? I know people who spent most of their weekend and hours of their free time learning an instrument and now look back and say 'What was that about?' I should have done something else with my Saturday.

Also, the trouble with drama is that it's not like sewing or learning and instrument where everybody has an equal opportunity to develop. If you only get little itty bitty parts, you'll maybe make friends and learn about team work, but you'll be standing around a lot while the main parts get on with it - you'll not really get the chance to spread your wings. I think that's the big misunderstanding about drama. People think kids (or adults!) are being big-headed in wanting a decent sized role, but it's more like wanting your piano teacher to give you a harder piece and getting frustrated that three years in you're still playing with one hand.

Sounds like she needs a decent acting class then, if practice and learning is what she really wants.

I do am dram as a hobby. It can be really frustrating because casting is so subjective and sometimes you can see a role you would be better in go to someone else. But it is part and parcel of the whole thing, and you still get to go to rehearsals, hang out, have a laugh etc etc. Good directors will think about giving opportunities to everyone, maybe not this time, but next show. I sometimes have to check my attitude when I get fed up - so much harder when it is your child or you are the child. I hope it does not stop her enjoying things.

Thanks. Helpful insight.

Another thought. I went on a career development course for women recently. We all found we were doing the same thing wrong - working on 'improving' the areas we weren't good at, instead of making the most of the skills and talents we already had. Of course, that was for adults who have chosen their career path, not children still developing. Still, it was a real eye opener. Men are just much quicker to say 'bollocks' to all that having a good attitude, being humble, team work crap, and not waste time where their not feeling valued or appreciated. Their also much better at saying 'You need to give me more money - I'm good at that' and that's why they get paid more. I don't think it's a conscious decision - men just value their time and energy more.

So you have your answer already - either take your DD to an actual drama class, with professional coaches, or take up some other hobby.