daughter's play

[Dobby123456]

So, my daughter likes drama and has been getting good reports from the teacher in charge of drama at her school. Last year she (the teacher) said my daughter was really doing well and should be taking on one of the larger roles in the school play. Luckily, I didn't say anything to my daughter as it was a whole year away, because now the play has come round the teacher's given her a quite a rubbish role. She was writing to me about something else, and then at the end of the email added something about casting her in a smaller role because she really works well as part of a team.

My daughter came home very disappointed in her part (something like 'servant 2'). I tried to be encouraging and said it would be fun just to be involved, but I was quite disappointed myself, and quite confused. I don't know much about drama, but why would you give the small parts to someone who's good at working in a team? Does that mean she gives the big parts to people who can't work with other people! I looked at the script and there were quite a lot of reasonable size parts, so it's not a case of there just not being enough to go round for all the good people. I know casting isn't just about how good you are - it's also about 'fitting' the role - but surely the teacher could have given her something better than servant 2!

I'm wondering if the teacher tells all the parents that their children are brilliant and are going to get starring parts and I'm just the only idiot that thought she really meant it!

Oh, sorry, the above post qas meant to be reply to this! Yes, I was rather hoping for a medium/supporting (not star!) role for my dd for those reasons. However, I was maybe being a bit paranoid in thinking the teacher was gaslighting me. She maybe had other reasons for giving dd the tiny part that she couldn't tell me. So, I'll tell my dd not be too discouraged or let it spoil her enjoyment of drama club.

It might not seem important to you, but was important to my dd.

Yeah, I’m dumb. That’s the problem here.

I didn’t suggest that it wasn’t important to either of you - especially a child who is, what, 9? 10? Everything is important to them at that age.

But your OP sounded like she was 15 and you were both expecting a true leading role that was going to part of what would getting into a post-16 PA college or something!

Instead, she’s a primary aged kid, in a play that’s designed for multiple equal roles and some smaller ones. I’ve had kids go through primary, I know the sort of play you describe - they have a lot of roles to give lots of people a chance, unlike say West Side Story in secondary with clear leads.

That is why I think you’re taking it too seriously. There’s a whole bunch of kids who are good I’m sure, and her part in lines may not be as small compared to them as you’re making out with the dramatic “Servant 2” tag.

My youngest was in a play with “Cleaner 1 and Cleaner 2” where those 2 had equal parts and a really nice comedy duo scene. In terms of lines, they were probably second tier. But actually, they stole the show because it was the most real “acting”. Comedy timing and expressions was harder than the girl with twice as many lines just saying, “I hope Santa doesn’t forget the orphanage kids”.

How old is she?

I obviously haven't explained this clearly enough. She came home saying she'd been given the most boring, crappie part in a play full of exciting, funny and interesting characters. I said something like, 'but sometimes the smaller parts are the most fun'. But when I looked at the script I had to agree with her.

My dd doesn't want to be a professional actor. She wants to have some fun in a school play that's now going to be a little bit boring for her. Though, on the bright side, still more fun than maths! And, yes, (and I mean this in the nicest way) you are being quite dumb.

My guess is that the teacher has entirely forgotten the conversation a year ago.

I'm sorry your daughter is disappointed.

I would still try to facilitate her interest in drama with the external groups she goes to. I've just been to see a local am dram play (excellent standard!) and one of the actors was a teenager who was at my DC's primary school - she clearly wanted more drama opportunities and has gone for it.

I don't think the casting is a verdict on your daughter's talent. There's just so many other factors at play and a very large group of kids.

I think you are taking this to heart.
Your dd got a part in the play.
The teacher probably won't even remember the conversation she had with you or it's just a stock line she uses often.

I’m actually not being dumb at all. You said you were disappointed because your daughter wants to learn and develop and you don’t want her wasting time unless she’s ‘really good’ at something. Now it’s just a bit of fun and she’ll be bored. If you want her to further her interest in acting then I feel I’ve given good (and politely phrased) advice. If you don’t want her to do it, then just pull her out and tell the teacher small parts are too boring for your daughter and you only want her to have leading roles.

I think how you feel is natural given the teacher had said she was good last year and suggested a lead role.

I suspect it could be a few things;

1. your daughter hasn't shown the teacher that she can knuckle down and learn a lead part. Maybe she's talking a lot in class or being disruptive and the teacher doesn't want to trust her with a lead part.

2. the teacher may have been trying to make you feel good last year. Perhaps your daughter hasn't got the skills the teacher said she did.

3. perhaps there are other plays coming up that she feels your daughter would me more suited to a big role in.

Is this thread for real?!

I didn't say a leading role. You just don't want to understand what I'm saying.

I'm wondering all those things. Dd isn't exactly in trouble, but the teacher has been keeping her in over break because she's been struggling to concentrate and not finishing her work. She's not been messing about, just being a bit dreamy - perhaps because she's so creative? I'm wondering if the class teacher has said to the drama teacher something like 'she's not finishing her class work, do I don't want ger distracted with too big a part in that play'. Would seem a bit harsh, though. But they're the teachers. I've accepted their decision and booked dd into one if those drama holiday clubs when she'll ve at school and I'll be off work.

I didn't want to bore everybody with the back story, but the teacher emailed me unsolicited to say how well my dd was doing, as well as writing that bit on her report about taking on the more challenging roles. So I'd got the impression she was in a group in the class that stood out a bit and would get the more responsible roles with more to do and more lines to remember. She must know my dd will be disappointed because she the sent that email saying something like 'don't be thinking I gave your dd that crap part because I think she's crap.' It's just a little odd, is all.

You're right - it's nuts! I'm feeling like a total idiot because I thought my dd was good at drama, and it turns out she can't even get a decent part in a primary school play. So I started a thread on mymsnet so I could get beaten up by other mums simply furious that I dared to imagine that my dd might be a little bit better at something than somebody else's kid.

Just another day on mumsnet. 😆

“She's not been messing about, just being a bit dreamy - perhaps because she's so creative”

So creative.
I’m getting vibes of the Matilda opening song, “my mummy says…”

Plenty of creative kids pay attention perfectly well. I think you’re indulging in stereotypes there, and that’s not usually helpful.

I’d be concerned about talking to her class teacher than drama teacher. Keeping children in at break to finish work isn’t usually a great idea - they need the break, to burn off energy and stay fresh. I’d want to get to the bottom of her academic work issues before worrying that the drama part wasn’t big enough for her liking.

Why do you all have to be such d*ks! Are you like that when you give advice to your friends?

Of course I'm worried that my dd isn't concentrating in class. The reason I missed the drama teacher at parents' evening is because I was busy talking to her class trying to figure out what was going on. The teacher doesn't want to keep her in over break time, but we've both tried everything else.

She's a creative type - likes drawing and drama, has an ear for music, is very imaginative. That's not me being big headed - it's just a fact! Some kids are lucky enough to be very creative, while also being hugely talented and very good at focusing. I think my dd might be the imaginative, dreamy type that often needs brought back down to earth. She also can get a bit paranoid and imagine she's being left out or overlooked, so I'm a bit worried about her missing out on playtime with everyone else, and now on top of that probably feeling a bit left out watching her friends rehearse this play waiting for her not-so-interesting walk-on part. The two worries are connected.

I'm sure you're not at all bothered, but I wanted to apologise for being so rude to you. The reason I was so upset was that the 'team player' thing sounds to me like my dd has been being a good girl and accepting all the small parts in class drama with grace and has now been rewarded with a very small part that she's disappointed with. I'm wondering if this is the beginning of a lifetime of going passed over for being a good girl. So I decided to be a bad girl and throw a tantrum at a complete stranger on mumsnet. This was, of course, completely bonkers!

😂

Don’t worry about it op. I’m rude all the time. At the end of the day when it’s our kid we feel they’re being passed over and it’s personal. But from the teacher’s point of view she probably hasn’t even thought about each child individually and has just cast who is convenient for her. Not that it helps your child to know that, but it almost certainly is not personal.

Once in primary my daughter was a fourth shepherd in the nativity. FOUR shepherds. Not only did she not have a line, she stood half behind a child in a star costume the whole time so I couldn’t even see her. I felt like politely asking for a refund on my ticket since I wasn’t even 100% sure my daughter had been on stage!

😂It's so difficult to keep perspective, isn't it? Especially when you think you've got some reasonable expectation, like 'Oh, I'll be happy with a medium part because a big part might go to her head.' Actually, I did have a little talk with dd about drama being lots of little bit parts and the big, exciting parts coming along once in a blue moon. I need to learn to ignore these irritating trolls on mumsnet who only come on to put everybody else down and tell them how entitled they are and how they shouldn't have populated the planet with their awful children anyway. You were actually one of the ones trying to give helpful advice.