daughter's play

[Dobby123456]

So, my daughter likes drama and has been getting good reports from the teacher in charge of drama at her school. Last year she (the teacher) said my daughter was really doing well and should be taking on one of the larger roles in the school play. Luckily, I didn't say anything to my daughter as it was a whole year away, because now the play has come round the teacher's given her a quite a rubbish role. She was writing to me about something else, and then at the end of the email added something about casting her in a smaller role because she really works well as part of a team.

My daughter came home very disappointed in her part (something like 'servant 2'). I tried to be encouraging and said it would be fun just to be involved, but I was quite disappointed myself, and quite confused. I don't know much about drama, but why would you give the small parts to someone who's good at working in a team? Does that mean she gives the big parts to people who can't work with other people! I looked at the script and there were quite a lot of reasonable size parts, so it's not a case of there just not being enough to go round for all the good people. I know casting isn't just about how good you are - it's also about 'fitting' the role - but surely the teacher could have given her something better than servant 2!

I'm wondering if the teacher tells all the parents that their children are brilliant and are going to get starring parts and I'm just the only idiot that thought she really meant it!

She already does drama classes outside school. She's one of the youngest, though, so is even less likely to get a speaking part in the end-of-term showcase. I don't know why everybody's assuming that going to an acting class with all the other really talented kids and she's suddenly going to land the role she wants!

However, I think maybe I've been a bit paranoid, and that the casting has nothing to do with talent. When I ran it past my mum, she said that the real problem is that I need to learn to ignore all this 'I'm no good at anything' rubbish from dd (and that the better parts probably went to the pushy kids with the pushier parents, :))

It's a school play. There can only be one person in each role and most likely the teacher has considered reasons for the casting that have nothing to do with politics and parental intervention. Some people never get the role they want, or never get the big roles. That's just how it is. She'll have to develop the resilience to take the knocks and accept that things won't necessarily go her way all the time. If she persists, one day she may get a big role. She may have to do a hundred little roles before that happens. Or she may never get more than a medium sized part. One of my kids has been in a similar industry and it's really competitive and you may never get as far as you dream. Very few become the stars. One thing is sure though - if you never try, you'll never know. Life really.

People aren’t saying she’s suddenly going to land the role she wants. They’re saying that if she’s interested in acting then drama classes will help her develop and learn. I think you need to move away from the idea that it’s only worth putting effort in if she’s getting the big part/part she wants.

@kanaloa exactly.

You said the reason she wanted a bigger part was so she had a chance to learn. Like a piano student being given a more taxing piece.

She goes to drama lessons outside of school so gets that there, presumably? But still won't get a speaking part because she's one of the younger ones, so that's not good enough either.

As the saying goes with these things, she has to "pay her dues" (turn up, work hard, do as she's told, not get any glory).

I can guarantee that, at non-school drama club at least, you being a pushier parent WILL NOT do her any favours.

How old is she?

Yeah, it's nothing to do with pushy parents. That I do know, as dd has been given some great parts by teachers who I haven't ever even met!

It's a whole mix of stuff. Natural talent is one aspect but not the only one. Being right for that particular part is also a factor. And work ethic, overall attitude etc. They want people who are going to show up and put the effort in. And people who will work well with the rest of the cast.

Honestly, I think you and your dd are focusing too much on being cast in a big role. Why not focus instead on how to ace the smaller part that she has been given? Maybe drama isn't the right hobby for her if she can't get past the disappointment. Resilience is key if you're going to do well in drama.

The teachers explanation makes no sense. Could she join a drama group outside of school?

I'm so glad you think that - I was beginning to think I was going a bit mad!

I don't know. I'm thinking of looking for some kind of amateur dramatics, or something she might like to be involved in. I'm finding this all very difficult to judge. At the beginning I entirely bought all this stuff about drama teaching kids confidence and the importance of a good attitude etc. But at the moment it all seems like an awful time-sucker with no visible results. In swimming or music I can see her progressing through the levels, or just improving every week. After a few years of drama classes I'm getting quite disillusioned. I just don't see any improvement in any of the kids from showcase to showcase, and only a real chance to perform for the older kids.

I know I over-reacted to the school play, because I must have built that up in my mind as 'now will be her chance'. But I'm really not in the mood for all this mumsnet 'You just have a bad attitude. Your kid has a bad attitude. we're great parents' crap!

Thanks to those who tried to give useful/realistic advice.

It looks like the teacher's done their best to come up with a play where everybody has at least something to do. Which, to be fair, is her actually doing her job of teaching drama in an inclusive way. I noticed in my son's play (he's really little) one of the few speaking parts for the really tinys went to the deaf kid. I wasn't bothered my son didn't have a line.

Something tells me my daughter isn't going to get paid as much as Aaron Paul for being servant 2 in her school play.

You need to go away and ace how to clean the kitchen sink.

How old is your DD? For some reason I think other posters are assuming she’s older whereas im thinking she’s 5/6?

I think you’re missing the point entirely. Perhaps deliberately.

Encouraging my dd to spend a lot of time and effort on something she's not that good at would be setting her up for failure

No, it's helping her to improve at something she's not that good at, which boosts confidence and self esteem.

Encouraging my dd to spend a lot of time and effort on something she's not that good at would be setting her up for failure

Look at it as something she may enjoy rather than being good at it.
Ds started drama because I said he had to choose one thing to do after school, after he'd been ill for 2 terms and stopped doing anything outside school, and didn't even want to see friends. I could see him totally shutting down socially.
Drama was the closest and shortest so he chose it because of that.
The first term and a half he moaned every week.
Then he came out one day and asked if he could do a second class. Then a term later another...
At one point he was doing 15 hours a week. (he's dropped back now he's GCSE year).
He's not outstanding at it. He doesn't get big parts. He's a natural back row of the chorus line.
But he loves it. If I walked upstairs now and said to him that I'd had a call and they were having an extra class in half an hour he'd drop everything to get ready.
He was in a show during football final before Christmas, and, yes, he watched the match (on his phone) until the last possible moment, but there was not the tiniest complaint when he had to put it down as the penalties began. If you heard him when dinner's called in the middle of a game you'd realise that he doesn't leave a match easily!

It's not necessarily about having the greatest part. Or being a star.
It's about the team work, the friendships, the fun they have and the way they support each other.

if she enjoys drama then that's why you do it, not because they're going to be the next star.

A lot can change in a year, surely.

I'm so glad that worked out for your son. I think for some people in can just be a really fun activity where they make friends and get to ne involved in something exciting.

For my dd, it's a bit like your boss always telling you how good you are, but then giving all the interesting work to your colleagues. I'm not interested in her being star, but I can see why she's feeling a bit frustrated, and perhaps her self-esteem has taken a bit of a knock.

No. You are missing the point. Of course famous actors who have successful careers are perfectly happy to take on easy, walk on parts and get paid shed loads for doing it!

“But, like you say, maybe she'll get her chance at secondary, where I don't think parents have so much sway.”

This tells me you’re just taking it all far too seriously.

Nothing unreasonable in being confused by the teacher's words and explanation. It doesn't make much sense together.

Of course the size of the role matters. It matters to one's enjoyment, it matters to how engaged one feel.
Unfortunately, it is true that typical casting is partially subjective, partially random and partially about favourites.
From the other posts it is clear how the school casts are especially tricky - someone else might have been casted because they were "more confident", or because they "needed the confidence boost more", you can't win this one.

You said that your DD is one of the youngest in her out of school drama class, so there is a chance the situation will change in a year or two. You'll see whether your DD will remain interested or not.

Obviously you have missed the point - nobody is talking about famous successful actors taking small parts. The actors I mentioned were ones who I saw in bit parts they had done before they were famous and successful. Before anybody knew who they were. Parts they would have paid very very little for and would have got no recognition for. But if you only want your daughter to pursue things if she is the star of them she will struggle to progress in activities because that’s not realistic or a good attitude to have.

As someone whose DD is now at a bid name drama school. I look back at primary drama and can see that the way the parts were allocated was for all kinds of reasons. That improved at senior school, but for quite a while DD had 'supporting cast' roles so not a star and not ensemble a few lines. Only on year 9 did she begin to get big roles, because up until that point the older talented pupils got the big roles.
Now she's at drama school they are all talented so it's all about casting type.
What she has needed to get this far is being professional no matter what her role was.

Honestly you sound quite entitled. Maybe she wasn’t the best person who auditioned on the day.

You are so dumb! Of course professional actors know they'll be lucky to even get the small parts in actual paid work! I'm talking about a school play.

There's a million trillion to one chance that she will look back on this one day as a famous actor and say 'imagine! In my school play I was only servant two'. So your comment is beyond unhelpful.

Thanks. Yes, that's what I've decided. She'll either decide she loves it so much that's she wants to carry on even though it can be a bit disappointing, or she'll decide its not worth it. I'll support her either way.