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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about 10 year anniversary? (Yes)

95 replies

ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:02

NC'd because I do know I am actually being unreasonable. This is 50% lighthearted but also 50% genuinely a bit sad.

DH and I had our 10 year anniversary at the weekend. At Christmas, I'd made really clear that I'd like a certain bracelet that I'd seen. He was with me going past the shop window, I pointed it out, he took a photo. It was only £50 so well within budget and I really liked it. Christmas came, no bracelet - bracelet was even on sale. I tentatively mentioned to DH about the bracelet, he said he forgot about it. I said "well, maybe for our anniversary", he said "maybe". Anniversary comes, no bracelet, no card - but I did get a box of chocolates. So, I was a bit sad but didn't say anything. We aren't strapped for cash so I bought myself the bracelet - but it's not the point. I've just found that DH has scoffed the whole box of chocolates.

Definitely a first world problem, definitely not a big deal, definitely just a little bit sad about it anyway.

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Original poster
ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:03

I think the percentage that was lighthearted must've got smaller by the end of the post - sorry!

OP posts:
DappledThings · 02/02/2023 09:04

Maybe he felt awkward about being told specifically what to buy. Some people love it, I'm happy to but some people object.

Do you exchange Christmas and anniversary presents usually?

BellaJuno · 02/02/2023 09:04

I’d feel sad too, and what a glutton eating your present, ask him to replace them. So thoughtless.

DarkNurseries · 02/02/2023 09:04

That doesn’t seem at all lighthearted— why didn’t he get you an affordable presents you’d specifically told him you would love on two occasions, despite a reminder, and then ate the token present he did get you?

Botw1 · 02/02/2023 09:06

He ate the chocolates he bought you as gift?

Is he always entirely selfish?

I don't see much to be light hearted about

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2023 09:06

He ate your present! YANBU at all, that’s so selfish.

What did you get him for Christmas and the anniversary? Do you usually drop hints?

CousinKrispy · 02/02/2023 09:07

That does seem really disappointing OP! Does he generally prefer to choose presents himself, rather than being told what to buy? Do you two usually exchange anniversary presents? I can see both points of view but I can totally understand why you're disappointed!

Harriettt · 02/02/2023 09:07

Hes a selfish arse!

minipie · 02/02/2023 09:07

He forgot the present you’d specifically asked for, twice, and then ate the fucking chocolates?

I’d be really upset and angry. Doesn’t say much for how he thinks of you.

AutumnCrow · 02/02/2023 09:10

That is a sad tale. And your DH doesn't come out of it well, even though you've glossed over it a bit with the 'lighthearted' brush.

Billybagpuss · 02/02/2023 09:12

What did you get him? And has he shown any remorse for eating your chocs?

dreamingbohemian · 02/02/2023 09:12

What did he get you for Xmas instead?

Make him replace the chocolates!

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 09:14

Buy the bracelet yourself. As a prompt you don't need to accept another 10 years with him if you prefer to be in a relationship where you are appreciated...

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 09:16

Dh buying me a bar of Galaxy was a big prompt in the end of our marriage..
In 8 years I had never eaten it I I only like a different brand. When I said as much he said but I thought you might like it.
He cared not a jot about me at all.

Original poster
ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:20

For Christmas, I bought him a Barbour jacket (that he said he wanted) as his main gift (smaller gifts like foot scrubs, a couple of books and other small bits. He bought me a booking for a campsite and a book about mushrooms (for context, I have been camping since I was a teenager and, although I do like mushrooms, I've never considered buying a book on them). Regardless, it will be nice to get away and I do appreciate the gift from him. For our anniversary, I bought him an Apple Watch (that he said he wanted). I do tend to go bigger on gifts for him than he does on gifts for me but I think that's because I often buy myself things if I want them and we can afford them.

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Original poster
ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:21

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 09:16

Dh buying me a bar of Galaxy was a big prompt in the end of our marriage..
In 8 years I had never eaten it I I only like a different brand. When I said as much he said but I thought you might like it.
He cared not a jot about me at all.

I'm sorry. In defence of DH, they are my favourite.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 02/02/2023 09:24

@ChangingSpoons

But he ate them?

And I take it the camping trip is for him /the family too?

So he's also going to take your Xmas gift?

PaddyDingDong · 02/02/2023 09:25

Why are you making this seem light-hearted? It's not at all. He had no respect for you and clearly not in love with you enough to show it. Stop buying him such nice stuff, he sounds awful. For context I recently got diamond earrings (£1200) and loads of other stuff for our 10 year wedding anniversary and a weekend away and we are hard up for cash sometimes - my husband scrimped and saved to do that for me because he wanted to show me how much I mean to him. Equally it's not about monetary value but by eating your chocs and saying he forgot about a cheap bracelet you can afford he is showing you his true colours. Time for a sit down and a deep discussion and your relationship .

PaddyDingDong · 02/02/2023 09:26

ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:21

I'm sorry. In defence of DH, they are my favourite.

Show quote history

But he ate them 🤣 why are you defending him? You need to take a long hard look at your relationship. You sound utterly taken for granted and a bit of a doormat- do you love him? Does he bring much joy to your life?

Brefugee · 02/02/2023 09:28

they are your favourite chocolates and he ate the lot?
I would be having more than words about that - serious long words.

The gifts? you know he is not on the same page so you can't be surprised, although i get the disappointment.

If you want gifts, you have to give a list and say that you expect x number of gifts from the y number on this list. And that is the only way you're going to get what you want. Or you buy the things you want when you want them.

also the camping is a question? is it for you alone?

rainyskylight · 02/02/2023 09:28

OP maybe you should claim the Apple Watch one day when it’s been left out to charge. If he asks you why you’re wearing it, say that he ate your chocolates so you assumed you were both buying presents for yourself, not for the other.

BatshitBanshee · 02/02/2023 09:31

I wouldn't be repeating this saga next year. You make an effort with gifts - and he knows you do - but he can't even buy you a 50 quid bracelet that's on sale and you specifically asked for?! Then eats your chocolate gift.

It's humiliating and beyond inconsiderate. How long are you willing to put up with that.

JanuaryBlues2023 · 02/02/2023 09:36

The gift giving seems very one sided with him benefiting much more than you.

I would have a good think about your relationship going forward. Is he emotionally supportive of you generally day to day or if you are going through something? Does he help with cooking/cleaning and other household tasks and is he good with the DC if you have them. Does he treat you well apart from his thoughtless gift buying or is he lacking in other areas?

BTW I can’t remember a particularly special gift for our 10th wedding anniversary. Yet I work with someone who has gone on and on about her upcoming 10th wedding anniversary for over 12 months and an anniversary holiday?!? We don’t usually go overboard and just buy each other cards and I get flowers and I buy him fizzy wine and nice choccies (which we share) and we either have a nice meal out or he’ll cook me a nice meal in. Or sometimes I will get chocolates and fizzy wine as well but it doesn’t matter as we both drink it. I have never asked for or expected X present on my 10th or 20th anniversary.

Oblomov22 · 02/02/2023 09:41

What a twat. Glad you bought it yourself.

Original poster
ChangingSpoons · 02/02/2023 09:44

Thanks - you are all making me feel better. I did expect to be told to stop being ungrateful and grow up. He is lovely, he does his share around the house and with DCs. He's smart and funny and kind and he's good in bed so that's a win. I could do a lot worse. I just think he sees us as such a unit sometimes that he doesn't really consider that I might have some individual needs. It wouldn't surprise me if he thinks we ate our chocolates rather than that he ate my chocolates. I also don't know whether he feels awkward about spending money on things he views as frivolous - he doesn't tend to buy himself nice but unnecessary things either.

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