AIBU about 10 year anniversary? (Yes)

[ChangingSpoons]

NC'd because I do know I am actually being unreasonable. This is 50% lighthearted but also 50% genuinely a bit sad.

DH and I had our 10 year anniversary at the weekend. At Christmas, I'd made really clear that I'd like a certain bracelet that I'd seen. He was with me going past the shop window, I pointed it out, he took a photo. It was only £50 so well within budget and I really liked it. Christmas came, no bracelet - bracelet was even on sale. I tentatively mentioned to DH about the bracelet, he said he forgot about it. I said "well, maybe for our anniversary", he said "maybe". Anniversary comes, no bracelet, no card - but I did get a box of chocolates. So, I was a bit sad but didn't say anything. We aren't strapped for cash so I bought myself the bracelet - but it's not the point. I've just found that DH has scoffed the whole box of chocolates.

Definitely a first world problem, definitely not a big deal, definitely just a little bit sad about it anyway.

He was having a very reasonable, measured conversation with her, seemed really genuine, poor guy getting hit with that then 😆😆🤣🤣

Oh Lord, I missed that bit. 🤣

Okay, I take it back about the dummy and the rattle. He's only HALF a big fucking wean.

Just to be clear, DH knew I was joking when I said that to him and I know him well enough to know he would know I was joking. As PP have said, we don’t speak to each other like that.

@Rowen32

Eh. 'the poster' didn't tell the op to text him anything!

I questioned why she was saying it was fine when it's not and said I found their communication style with each other odd as mine would be very different

At no point did I advise she should copy mine!

That being said, maybe he'll l think twice about buying shit presents and being a selfish prick

Sorry, a non functioning human who has gotten out of the habit of doing nice things

😶

Also the bullshit gaslighting about her telling him not to buy it was anything but genuine

Seems to be something amiss here .You are buying expensive watches and he doesnt seem to be arsed to get you a bracelet you liked for 50 quid! Just stop with the biggies ,and hide any of the sweet stuff! I dont know why some men are like this ,What does he say about the difference in presents .He wont change I doubt .Even if there was a misunderstanding over Bracelet surely he should have got something better than chocolates and to eat them as well!

I can't stand adult couples that text about issues instead of actually talking, like teenagers. You both need to grow up and stop spoiling the man child. A box of chocolates and he gets an apple watch?!?!

He sounds really selfish and thoughtless. He certainly didn"t go out of his way to mark the anniversary.

No need to say it's lighthearted at all you are entitled to be disappointed in him.

This is all a bit weird. Those texts are a bit over dramatic on both of your parts!

You've every right to feel upset at the lack of bracelet and eating of your chocs - even in a good relationship as you say yours is, that is thoughtless and shows little regard for you in this situation.

However, the way you write on here and in your texts is a bit 'oh well its only little old me and I'm silly to be upset'. This would honestly irritate me if my partner did this. Either you're upset or you're not, but own it either way!

Anyway, hope you enjoy your bracelet and get some more chocs to eat.

Seriously OP, stop minimising his thoughtlessness - his Christmas gifts to you were completely shit. A book on mushrooms? He got that from a bargain bin somewhere. He obviously doesn't give you much thought or consideration.

He's not lovely at all. So what if he does his share in the house or with the kids, so do you!

He doesn't think you told him NOT to get the bracelet (ridiculous excuse), he just couldn't be botheted doing something nice for you because he totally takes you for granted.

Next time he buys you a shit present like chocs hide it away and give it back to him for his birthday, Xmas etc. If he queries say, oh I thought you liked that brand, you ate the whole box last time they were in the house 😁. two can play at that game.

So he thought you pointed out a particular bracelet in a jewellery store and said in no uncertain terms that he was not to get that bracelet for you?

Why would someone even think that? Out of all of the bracelets in the whole store and on line that you would have picked that one and specifically said not to buy it for you? Even following on from the conversation at Christmas when it wasn't forthcoming as a gift, and you reminded him that you wanted it, he heard that you didn't want it and he wasn't to buy it for you?

What a load of codswallop!

Sorry. We went passed the shop, I saw it and said I'd like it, as I walked on, I saw he took a picture. Christmas came and went, then I said I was upset he hadn't bought it and we had the conversation about our anniversary. Then we went passed the shop again and I was pushing the pram with DD and trying to get DS to a place for food because he was grouchy. DH stopped and was on his phone, I asked him why and he said something about the bracelet. I said it's on sale online and that we need to get going to get food for DS. DH took that to mean he shouldn't buy me the bracelet for our anniversary.

That's certainly the way he'll see it.

It's not fine.

It's far from being fine.

You're underappreciated and he's not stepping up to appreciate you.
He's also demonstrating to your child(ren) what incompetence looks like so they will learn to accept it from their partner(s) in the future.

Please don't allow this to be 'fine'. He should be buying you the bracelet and the matching necklace at this stage to make up for eating your chocolates too!

I said it's on sale online

Job done then. Get it ordered yourself this afternonn and moving forward I'd curtail the effort.

DH took that to mean he shouldn't buy me the bracelet for our anniversary.

Do you actually believe that?

He actually sounds like a bit of a cunt. Sorry.

He isn't going to change. You become resentful and raise an issue and then when he responds you minimise it so therefore don't achieve anything. This is a pointless cycle that you need to break. It was important because it meant something to you. Your feelings do matter and I would have let the realisation that he was thoughtless sink in. Instead you shrugged it off as not a big deal when actually it is. When posters have pointed this out you've backtracked by stating his 'good' qualities. You might be able to do a lot worse but I bet you could have done better too.Stop being a mug and buying him the stuff he requests when he can't be bothered to do the same for you.

What's wrong with him? That's the question you should be asking...