AIBU about 10 year anniversary? (Yes)

[ChangingSpoons]

NC'd because I do know I am actually being unreasonable. This is 50% lighthearted but also 50% genuinely a bit sad.

DH and I had our 10 year anniversary at the weekend. At Christmas, I'd made really clear that I'd like a certain bracelet that I'd seen. He was with me going past the shop window, I pointed it out, he took a photo. It was only £50 so well within budget and I really liked it. Christmas came, no bracelet - bracelet was even on sale. I tentatively mentioned to DH about the bracelet, he said he forgot about it. I said "well, maybe for our anniversary", he said "maybe". Anniversary comes, no bracelet, no card - but I did get a box of chocolates. So, I was a bit sad but didn't say anything. We aren't strapped for cash so I bought myself the bracelet - but it's not the point. I've just found that DH has scoffed the whole box of chocolates.

Definitely a first world problem, definitely not a big deal, definitely just a little bit sad about it anyway.

Ha. My DH bought me a Toblerone last Christmas (His favourite). I was going on a diet so when I didn’t eat it fast enough he ate the other 95% in one sitting.

Men!!!

Yeah.
That isn't how it would have gone down in this house either 😂

But folk are all different.

I worked for a woman who was a criminal psychologist married to a therapist and was privy to quite a few domestic ... interactions between her and her DH.

Lets just say - it was weird and long winded the way they got along. I was like:
Just tell him to remember to load the fucking dishwasher himself in the mornings!
But she went about it differently 😀

(i'm not saying you're weird OP, just that we're all different)

I truly cannot see the point of repeatedly pointing an exact item out and telling DH he had to buy it. Why? What does that mean?

I would be annoyed about the chocolates.

😂

Oh right.

I see you've said that then.

I think you need the matching necklace now don't you?

Don’t say it’s fine! It’s not fine! That sort of stuff confuses people (not just men. I get confused when people say it’s fine and it’s not because I trust people not to lie to me)

I don't think this is lighthearted at all

Sounds like you were perfectly clear regarding the bracelet and he's said you told him not to buy it, rather than admitting he's a shit.

Buying and eating the chocolates is really out of order. You bought him an iwatch, and he bought, and ate your chocolates - he's an idiot if he can't see how selfish and uncaring he's being.

Tbh next birthday or Christmas I'd buy him a guide on how to care for horses, or something completely irrelevant, and your favourite chocolates and eat them. See how the fucker likes it back!

Why do you say, "it's not a big issue' or " it's fine' ?
It is an issue and it's not fine.
Your words are confusing the issues somewhat .

I’m actually very fussy on jewellery, which is half the problem. I have my engagement ring and wedding ring. I have a small chain bracelet from when DS was born and a pendant necklace from when DD was born. I wear those all the time. I own a few sets of earrings that I never wear and a ring DH brought me that I don’t wear because I can’t wear three rings. They’re all white hold and diamond and match. I really liked this bracelet and it matches everything else - I don’t need a new necklace. The rest of my jewellery although not wildly expensive (except the engagement ring) were all significant purchases from DH. I like to wear my jewellery but I don’t have the time, energy or sense of style to switch it out for different outfits so I have a few pieces that suit everything. If I didn’t wear something then I’m pretty sure I’d lose it. I guess, I’m weirdly annoyed that I had to buy it myself and ruin the set - that sounds so petty though.

So let me get this straight, you bought him an Apple Watch- he bought you a box of chocolates then ate them himself. Wow. You say you could do a lot worse but you could also do a lot better. Buy yourself the bracelet out of the joint account or his account if you have access. He’s a knob.

It means that money doesn’t get wasted on things you don’t want. I send mine a link every Christmas, birthday and anniversary, that way I get what I actually want, not a load of random stuff that’s the equivalent of flushing tenners down the loo.

Just buy him shit presents from now on, and then use/eat them yourself. Honestly. It’s the only way he’ll learn. One year my (broke and unemployed) OH bought me dog treats for Christmas, to give to our dogs. Dog treats. For the dogs.

There you go, shit present 1: Give him dog treats. Whether or not you have a dog. Or cat treats if you have a dog but not cats. Or maybe fish food for pond fish, as long as you don’t have a pond or fish. It’ll be fun! Make a new tradition.

Some people don't see eating other peoples chocolate as a big deal - when I was living with parents they would eat my chocolate. DH eats DDs chocolate. I personally find that annoying, especially because I sometimes like to make it last rather than scoff it all at once so I get annoyed if someone else eats it first!
I don't blame you for feeling disappointed. No advice just I'd be upset too.

You didn't actually text him what that poster told you to did you? Omg..

My DH once bought me a box of chocolates, but he had opened them and eaten a couple before giving them to me! To this day he can’t understand what was inappropriate about that 🙄

Who got you the bracelet and necklace from your DC when they were born?

He oinked the present he did give you, so in fact he got YOU bugger all.

This

He may be great in bed but he's a twat

Ha ha this is brilliant 🤣

I never ever understand why people give advice on being passive aggressive.

I think you need to have an adult conversation.

Explain to him exactly what you are annoyed about and why. Tell him directly. Tell him how it makes you feel. And if you don't like confrontation then that's on you.

I'm glad someone else is

Everyone else is ignoring it!

DH never sat down and talked this sort of stuff through and now its too late, far too much judgement, hurt feelings and sadness.

Both our mum's have lots of jewellery bought by our dad's over decades. We've both seen that silver, & gold anniversaries, trips abroad etc.
Both got burgled during our teen years which put me off second hand jewellery, which DH knew.

DH bought me a worn out dainty second hand engagement ring for my chunky hands.

We got wedding rings made. I bought my wedding earrings, stupidly I thought he'd give me a necklace or something but no.

After I had the kids I suggested I got a ring made to match the wedding band. I ended up picking it up alone and paying for it. DH just wasn't interested or thought it was important to be there.

I've learnt and taught my girls that love and jewellery are different things, all that twisted metal won't love you or symbolise anything at all. It's just stuff.

But I do feel sad every time one of these threads pop up for you and for me.
It's my 50h this year, silver wedding next, the worst part is having to answer people's questions or big up DH's efforts. This Christmas he cleaned up and wrapped for me some airpods he'd found on a sunlounger! Over the years it's made me feel very unspecial.

OP, it's not fine. It's horrible; the neglect, lying, stealing and gaslighting.

Making you cups of tea does not a lovely man make.

It'll continue if you insist on prioritising his feelings by downplaying it.

What a big fucking baby he is. You now know what to get him for his next birthday though.