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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable about childcare?

79 replies

Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:20

Two parents, both work full-time. One is a teacher and the other has standard 5.6 weeks holiday. Two DCs in full time childcare - DD in all year round and DS in full year round for 2 days a week and term time only for 3 days each week.

DD is ill today and cannot go to childcare. Both parents should be working.

Teacher parent thinks that non-teacher parent should cover illness because they look after DS 3 days each week in the holiday. Non-teacher parent thinks childcare for illness should be split between the two parents.

YABU - Teacher parent is right
YANBU - Non-teacher parent is right

OP posts:
KnackeredBack · 02/02/2023 07:22

Each workplace would expect parity...if DC has 1 day off, one parent looks after this time and the other on the next time. If DC has 2 days off, each parent takes one day. The holiday arrangements are a red herring. If you're both working at the time the DC is ill, parity.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 02/02/2023 07:22

Teacher parent is right. If the children fall ill during the school holidays they will be taking responsibility for that

Bleese · 02/02/2023 07:23

I'm a teacher and agree with the non-teacher.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 02/02/2023 07:23

Hmmm. Probably it should be split between the two.

That said, depending on the role the second parent has, the teacher missing a day has a pretty big impact on a lot of other people. Teachers feel extremely uncomfortable with that.

MirabelMax · 02/02/2023 07:24

It's so obvious the teacher is a bloke.

Anyway, yes. The childcare should be split when they're ill unless one party has a particularly reasonable boss and flexible working arrangements.

Whynotnowbaby · 02/02/2023 07:26

Whoever can more easily take time off. That’s going to depend on person two’s job. Could they wfh? Maybe they could manage a half day worth of work from home if they stay. Are they a pilot or a surgeon? In that case, it’s probably much more disruptive for them to take the time than the teacher. If all other things are equal then you should alternate time off for things like this. In my job it is absolutely expected that you do so.

trilbydoll · 02/02/2023 07:26

You have to look at your calendars. If the teacher has a full day of teaching and the other parent has nothing specific then teacher goes to work. If teacher has free periods in the morning and other parent has meetings maybe they split the day 50/50.

I don't think that the teacher gets automatic priority as kids are far more likely to be ill in term time.

Ponoka7 · 02/02/2023 07:27

I also think that it depends on the other parent's job and their work's attitude to carer's leave.

Original poster
Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:27

Thanks for responses - clearly a mixed bag on comments so far. To clarify questions: both have jobs that matter, the non-teacher parent has flexible working in that they can take the day off on short notice but they still have to get all the work done so would need to pick it up at evenings/weekends/lunch breaks etc over the next week to not get in hot water. Neither parent would lose pay.

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 02/02/2023 07:29

Team teacher, only as they would have to cover sickness outside of term time.

Usually I’d be in the 50-50 camp.

Quartz2208 · 02/02/2023 07:29

Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:27

Thanks for responses - clearly a mixed bag on comments so far. To clarify questions: both have jobs that matter, the non-teacher parent has flexible working in that they can take the day off on short notice but they still have to get all the work done so would need to pick it up at evenings/weekends/lunch breaks etc over the next week to not get in hot water. Neither parent would lose pay.

Then non teacher takes the day off and teacher covers the slack over the weekend for the work to be covered that was lost

Saschka · 02/02/2023 07:29

Given your last message, I’d say non-teacher, and the teacher should facilitate the non-teacher catching up (by taking the child out of the house at the weekend, doing bedtimes etc to let the other parent work late, etc).

HavfrueDenizKisi · 02/02/2023 07:33

Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:27

Thanks for responses - clearly a mixed bag on comments so far. To clarify questions: both have jobs that matter, the non-teacher parent has flexible working in that they can take the day off on short notice but they still have to get all the work done so would need to pick it up at evenings/weekends/lunch breaks etc over the next week to not get in hot water. Neither parent would lose pay.

If that's the case then the non teacher should take the day to look after the sick child. Clearly the non teacher being off work will not have an impact on others, other than themselves, with regards to having to catch up.

LucyWhipple · 02/02/2023 07:34

Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:27

Thanks for responses - clearly a mixed bag on comments so far. To clarify questions: both have jobs that matter, the non-teacher parent has flexible working in that they can take the day off on short notice but they still have to get all the work done so would need to pick it up at evenings/weekends/lunch breaks etc over the next week to not get in hot water. Neither parent would lose pay.

In that case I’m afraid I’m with the teacher as their job just can’t be covered like this (& them being off could also result in a loss of pay for your family). However, they should be supporting with the catching up of work that the non-teacher needs to do by taking on more of the bedtime routines / weekend childcare when the non-teacher has needed to take time off.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 02/02/2023 07:36

Of course the teacher thinks they are correct, well I think childcare should be shared.

GoldilockMom · 02/02/2023 07:37

Never heard of a teacher being paid to look after their sick child - own illness yes but not dependent.

What would be fair is teacher covers 1/4 already due to holidays so should cover 1/4 term time and the other parent 1/2 term time.

nca89 · 02/02/2023 07:38

I think it depends how flexible the non teacher job is, a teacher taking a day off will have quite an impact, whereas my job I can WFH (No idea what non teacher parent does!) so whilst I'm all for 50/50 split, if sickness isn't happening too often I do think some consideration needs to be given to the impact of each parent taking the day off, some careers can offer more flexibility and teaching to me isn't one of them.

redskydelight · 02/02/2023 07:39

I'd expect the non-teacher to cover sickness in term time and the teacher in non term time.
Unless the non-teacher has something really important and urgent on, that can't be caught up on at another time.

In your circumstances, very definitely the non-teacher on this occasion.

CornishGem1975 · 02/02/2023 07:39

In our house, whoever can rearrange their workload easier. In this situation it would be the non-teacher.

Inertia · 02/02/2023 07:39

If the other parent was in an equally inflexible job- doctor/nurse/police etc- then time off would need to be split.

Given your update, I would say non-teacher parent takes time off to be with the sick child- can this parent work at home if the child sleeps? Teacher then takes over home/parents workload so other parent can catch up.

PicaK · 02/02/2023 07:43

Non teacher takes time off.
Teacher goes in, explains situation and leaves bang on when kids leave. Takes over from nonteacher and let's them have an evening to relax.
Nonteacher catches up.
You save a fortune in childcare cos of the hols and teacher being available- that perk deserves some respect from non teacher. Unless non teacher had important meeting which would then take priority.

Harriettt · 02/02/2023 07:46

Given your update, it would make sense for the non-teacher parent to do it given their flexibility. But before your update I'd have said 50/50.

BlueHeelers · 02/02/2023 07:48

From your update, the non- teacher should take the day off. And should be taken out of other household stuff so they can get their work done.

A teacher taking a day off has such a knock on effect on a lot of their people.

But the parents should keep track of the balance of this task so it doesn’t become a default to one pare and then taken for granted.

gogohmm · 02/02/2023 07:51

In this case the non teacher can take occasional days easier and could work flexibly to make to mark up the time eg at the weekend that the teacher can cover childcare for. For long term illness obviously a different solution is needed, I'm talking about one or 2 days here. It's not about how important your job is, it's about flexibility

Botw1 · 02/02/2023 07:51

Your op says 1 kid is in childcare year round and the other year round except 3 days during holidays?

So the teacher parent really doesn't do more?

It's an odd argument anyway.

Toss a coin