Who is being unreasonable about childcare?

[Cheeping]

Two parents, both work full-time. One is a teacher and the other has standard 5.6 weeks holiday. Two DCs in full time childcare - DD in all year round and DS in full year round for 2 days a week and term time only for 3 days each week.

DD is ill today and cannot go to childcare. Both parents should be working.

Teacher parent thinks that non-teacher parent should cover illness because they look after DS 3 days each week in the holiday. Non-teacher parent thinks childcare for illness should be split between the two parents.

YABU - Teacher parent is right
YANBU - Non-teacher parent is right

Of course the non teacher should take the day off if they can do their work in the evenings/weekends etc (which the teacher should obviously facilitate). I can't believe it's even a discussion.

Given your update, it makes sense for the non teacher to take the day off because their job is far more flexible as opposed to the teacher's job.
I would expect teacher to pick up the childcare/chores as necessary for non teacher to be able to complete their workload.

I'm a TA and DH is a teacher in different schools. When our son is unwell we take it in turns to have the day off to care for him. Even though I earn much less it seems the fairest option.
The only time it was slightly different was when he had scarlet fever and my school told me to stay off the full week until he was better.

I think that in these circumstances it basically falls to "whose day will be impacted less by taking the day off?"

In your case, if its term time and the non-teacher has flexibility to work in the evening/weekend then the default should be that the non teacher should take the day off, with the proviso that the teacher will cover childcare/household jobs during said evening/weekend so the non teacher can catch up. Obviously there may be some exceptions, eg if the non-teacher had an important meeting, a time sensitive event, or had something booked in that couldn't be easily rearranged due to other people's schedules etc, in which case the teacher would have to take the day off but that should be assessed on a case by case basis.

If it's the school holidays then the default should be that the teacher should be covering the sickness as they're off anyway so why should the non-teacher take a day off if there's already a parent available? Looking after sick kids on your day off is just a part of being a parent. Again, there might be some exceptions eg if the teacher has something important or non-flexible booked in during the holidays, in which case the non-teacher will have to take the day off but that should be assessed on a case by case basis.

I don't think covering illness when you are off anyway means that you never have to take time off to look after them at other times. Technically speaking kids get fewer colds etc over the summer months so far less of an issue, and also just known as parenting.

It should be split, with flexibility both ways. So if non-teacher has a meeting or whatever that cannot be missed teacher takes time off, if no teacher doesn't then they do but the teacher then covers them to make up the work they have had to miss.

Teaching isn't a get out clause for all term time illness.

I work in a school, but don't teach.
DH takes the first day of sickness, if he possibly can (he travels around 30% of the time). That gives me a day at work to try and get as much sorted if I was to have the next day off. I generally go if there is a call from school to collect someone.
I do ALL holidays. DH does inset days, so ends up with about 5 weeks leave he can take.
Basically, DH does slightly more in term time, but it is split so both employers have some of the inconvience, and all the last minute absences don't fall on one employers.

As an employer I would expect my team to cover half of unplanned child related absences but expect the other parent to cover some too.

Have been in a position where one of my team was the non teacher in this situation and was expecting to cover all absence and I was uncomfortable with that.

It depends

which one is the man? (Assuming there is a man)

That made my head hurt. Why does it have to be a riddle.

I’m guessing you’re avoiding saying which is the mum which is the dad in case there is any sway towards for example the mum having to do the brunt of the childcare. I think you should probably have this discussion with your partner and decide in advance to maybe take it in turns of the children fall ill. it really doesn’t matter in the scheme of things they are both your children and work has to come second family in my opinion.

This i think: the teacher then needs to actively facilitate the non- teacher catching up on work in a way that doesn’t leave them exhausted.

Non teacher shouldn’t have to do all the catching up at the expense of their own rest.

@FloydPepper why does it depend who is the man, or are you being sarcastic

I’m assuming that you’re the non teacher though, as the teacher would be unlikely to go into the detail of what the non teacher has to do to catch up

Exactly this. Depends what they have on.

I suspect because going from experience men are more likely to want to give themselves the rarified status of “cannot possibly be disturbed or miss work” on more spurious grounds than women. So it takes away from their credibility a bit.

The parent who can get time off easier should be the one to stay home, however you need to factor in who earns the most and probably whose job is the most important to the household income?

Covering illness when you're not at work is like counting weekends as covering illness. As you said, 13 weeks is much less than 39 weeks.

It needs to be done on a case by case basis. If teacher (clearly male) has exam classes then taking a day off in April is very different to taking a day off in September. If non-teacher (clearly female) has important training then that must be prioritised. If parents can do half a day each then that possibility should be explored too. For example non-teacher might have a conference call with Tokyo at 8am but can work from home from noon and teacher might have a class who is on exam leave in the morning so might be able to be available by email instead.

The parent who doesn't take time off needs to do more housework/childcare after work that day so other one can catch up.

If you go down the route of non-teacher always taking time off then teacher needs to lead on weekend illness and needs to do housework /childcare when they get home so non-teacher can work at night. (I'm assuming that non-teacher has a computer based job) If teacher is the type to go to gym, hobbies etc as many men on here seem to do then they need to skip that on the days that their wife stayed at home so she can catch up.

Sarcasm, but all to often is does seem to impact the balance of responses.

I think this one looks like non teacher should take time off, then he helped by teacher to catch up.

My DH is a (university) teacher, and I work in an office. My work is massively more flexible than his, and I’m also the higher earner by quite a lot. He is more part time than I am, but doesn’t really get teacher holidays.

When the kids were sick, I would take off more time than he would, as my work is more flexible. I can catch up later - and don’t necessarily have to work evenings / weekends to do it. And although I’d need to rearrange meetings etc, it isn’t usually external clients.

So I’d take off eg 2 of three sick child days, and DH would do the other one. We’d figure out who had the most critical things on which day, and tell our works accordingly. I’d do more because I’m more flexible, but he would do some so it wouldn’t always fall on me and make my backlog unmanageable or my colleagues / direct lines / bosses too pissed off. Sometimes if it was a really critical time for DH with teaching (student exams coming up, total lack of backup people to take his classes) I’d do more, and if it was a quieter time for him, he’d do more.

If either parent has to take the day completely off work rather than WFH, then it has to be shared between them. I used to work in schools as an LSA and DH (higher earner) ended up doing a lot of the sick childcare as he is able to WFH and dcs didn't need much looking after. But if that isn't possible, then it has to be shared

Those asking why the teacher doesn’t look after both kids all through the holidays to save money. Do you really believe that teachers have 13 weeks a year holiday and no work to do in that time?!
The non-teacher should definitely take time off. But if there’s ever the time when the non-teacher has a critical event at work that can’t be rescheduled then the teacher should cover then. But it doesn’t sound like this is the case at the moment.

I’d say that if it’s term time and the non teacher has flexible working them the non teacher should be the one to take time off. Teachers do have to lose pay. You might get a day for emergency child care but usually it’s unpaid after that. You don’t get endless paid time off if you’re a teacher and you’re child is sick!! You only get paid sick leave for yourself.

if the non teacher’s job is not flexible, as with the teacher’s job, then it should be alternated so both parents end up taking unpaid time off.

I know OP has said no one in this situation would lose pay, but not sure how that’s the case as a full time teacher. Unless you’re based non UK or in an independent school with alternative rules.

As the teacher I’d also expect to look after the children all school holidays but would expect that the other parent also take school holiday time to help out. Sick or holiday doesn’t matter. If teacher parent wants child free time in holiday then non teacher parent should also be able to take some non term time annual leave as well.

I’ve gone a bit off point here. Apologies.

I’m also a teacher. I’ve had time off for sick child on day one of their absence but further days are unpaid so I’d have to lose pay or get another family member to take the child. I’m single parent. ExDH works a job where he’s zero hours so no work no pay. He can’t afford to lose any pay (neither can I ) so it’s often grandparent (only one available occasionally but not always. One is deceased and other 2 live 3 hours drive away). Grandparent who is sometimes available has health issues so I avoid sending really poorly children to them. They also have a busy volunteer schedule.

Also confused over your teacher parent looking after DS 3 days in the holiday. Gosh this would be bliss!! How does this happen? Does the non teacher take all their annual leave by taking a few days each holiday?? Are you separated?? I still don’t think the holidays should be factored in to sickness!!

All jobs matter

Your child - not you’re child 😂😂😂
Autocorrect!!

Agree with the non-teacher. Taking unauthorised time of work unexpectedly should be split