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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable about childcare?

79 replies

Cheeping · 02/02/2023 07:20

Two parents, both work full-time. One is a teacher and the other has standard 5.6 weeks holiday. Two DCs in full time childcare - DD in all year round and DS in full year round for 2 days a week and term time only for 3 days each week.

DD is ill today and cannot go to childcare. Both parents should be working.

Teacher parent thinks that non-teacher parent should cover illness because they look after DS 3 days each week in the holiday. Non-teacher parent thinks childcare for illness should be split between the two parents.

YABU - Teacher parent is right
YANBU - Non-teacher parent is right

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 02/02/2023 07:51

Why are children in childcare during the holidays, especially the one full-time?

maryofthevirginkind · 02/02/2023 07:54

After reading your second message I'd say it doesn't matter but whoever does it this time, the other does it next time.

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 07:55

Non-teacher takes the day off if their work is flexible.

Where does DS go on the other days?

BellaJuno · 02/02/2023 07:56

It should be 50/50, it’s just that it makes more sense for teacher parent’s 50% to fall in the holidays. Or is non-teacher parent expecting teacher parent to do their 50% all year round and non-teacher parent to only do their 50% during term time?

FlamingoQueen · 02/02/2023 07:56

I thought if a teacher has time off to look after a sick child then it’s unpaid.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/02/2023 07:57

If the non teacher has no fixed commitments today then they should take the day off as it doesn't impact anyone else directly, could they take the day as annual leave, or otherwise extend deadlines, drop unimportant tasks etc to reduce the amount of 'catching up' required?

If the teacher took the day off, the school would need to get in a supply teacher, so obviously a knock on effect.

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 07:57

maryofthevirginkind · 02/02/2023 07:54

After reading your second message I'd say it doesn't matter but whoever does it this time, the other does it next time.

It doesn't always work like this. Next time someone might have a mandatory training course or a conference or something.

plumduck · 02/02/2023 07:58

Quartz2208 · 02/02/2023 07:29

Then non teacher takes the day off and teacher covers the slack over the weekend for the work to be covered that was lost

Show quote history

This

CleaningOutMyCloset · 02/02/2023 08:01

I think it depends who is best places to take the time off, work loads and employer needs to be taken into account. Can the non teacher work from home, who's career is likely to be impacted more, does the non teacher have a deadline to finish today. I don't think it's as black and white as 'who does what' both should be entitled to family care days from work, but it's about communicating and being sensible. They both have work obligations

Cakeandcardio · 02/02/2023 08:01

I'm a teacher and the holiday thing is a load of crap. Agree with non-teacher that it should be split!
Someone avoiding parenting?

plumduck · 02/02/2023 08:02

If nonteacher didn't have a flexible job then disruption to be split 50/50 unless people's lives depend on it. Then adjust as you go if one of the bosses gets annoyed

AnaBananas · 02/02/2023 08:04

This sounds like my life: I, the non-teacher, always take the day off when DC is ill as teacher DH's leave is not flexible. My job is intense, and the work will be there piled up as I don't get cover.

CatSpeakForDummies · 02/02/2023 08:09

I don't agree with the teacher, as them covering sick days during holidays is a given. All they are missing out on is time to themselves. I think teacher is lucky the other parent is so willing to pay for childcare during the holidays.

However, I think that the nature of the jobs does matter, so other parent takes time off. However, Teacher should do extra a evenings weekends, so other parent can catch up on work.

CakeIsNotAvailable · 02/02/2023 08:09

This is why dripfeeds are annoying. Based on your OP I voted YANBU, but actually with your update I think YABU - if the non-teacher can take time off with less disruption, which in your case they can, then it's a no-brainer for them to be off.

SauMore · 02/02/2023 08:09

Employers will expect you to share the load of looking after sick children.
In this set of circumstances if the DC falls ill in holidays then will always be teacher parent who looks after them, but that doesn't equate to sharing taking carers leave as teacher parent is on holiday anyway. Same as if non teacher parent had taken day off as boiler was being fixed and then DC was ill then they would cover that day as off anyway..

I would say it should be shared but, depending how often DC are sick, teacher parent should cover less pro rata for their holiday availability. So if happens 5 times in year teacher parent does 2 and other parent 3

JenniferBarkley · 02/02/2023 08:12

Illness on days when both parents are working should be split 50/50.

Obviously if one parent isn't working then they're on duty, the teacher doesn't get credit for that.

Picturesonthewall123 · 02/02/2023 08:14

Illnesses when either is working should be split equally. The teacher will get family days.
I would be annoyed as the non teacher and it wouldn’t go down well with my manager if I was the one covering this all the time. Equally during the holidays if the teacher has a full day of sorting the classroom or planning to do then it is counts as a working day and any illness on days like this should also be split

plumduck · 02/02/2023 08:17

Is teacher arguing that they'd be taking on a 2nd Job in the summer if they could?

SpareHeirOverThere · 02/02/2023 08:19

Parity of lost working days. It's the easiest position to explain to employers.

What happens on days off doesn't matter or count. It's working days only that count towards here.

thestealthwee · 02/02/2023 08:20

Why are you sending your children full time during the school Holidays?

It's obviously "easier" for non teacher parent to take time off during term time to care for sick children

But if I was the non teacher parent I'd be a bit 🙄 by them not having both children home for all holidays and saving the money into the family pot

pizzaHeart · 02/02/2023 08:24

Based on your update non teacher takes the time off and then get free time over weekend to catch up with work while teacher is looking after kids, etc.

SauMore · 02/02/2023 08:35

But if I was the non teacher parent I'd be a bit 🙄 by them not having both children home for all holidays and saving the money into the family pot

I imagine the childcare provider operates all year round and will only accept the children on that basis. So regardless whether teacher parent has the DC in the holidays they probably still have to pay

Patineur · 02/02/2023 08:35

A lot depends on impact on others. If non teacher is, say, a doctor who will have to cancel a clinic which means that several people will lose an appointment they have been waiting for, then teacher should take time off. Given that that doesn't seem to the be the case and, presumably, teacher can do child care whilst non-teacher catches up, then non-teacher should take time off.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/02/2023 08:36

Why do the kids go to childcare in the school holidays? Seems a waste of money to me!

Original poster
Cheeping · 02/02/2023 08:47

So, to be clear, neither parent would lose pay. The teacher would be paid and so would the non-teacher.

The childcare setting for all year round only offers all year round places. DS is split across two settings - the other setting is term time only.

The teacher is only off for about 12% of the year when the non-teacher is at work (teacher gets 13 weeks, non-teacher gets 6) so would if non-teacher did term time and teacher did holidays then the non-teacher would do 88% of the sick days (assuming that they’re evenly distributed between holiday and term time). Teaching parent teaches maths 😂

Both jobs are important and impact other people. Non-teacher still needs to rearrange meetings with others, clients and cohorts. It’s not a medical job.

I don’t think there’s anything else I missed. Also, non-teacher has taken the day off today but for future it’s good to see opinions (that seem to be merging).

OP posts: