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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new starter to be quiet?

299 replies

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:23

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

OP posts:
TooGosh · 01/02/2023 22:24

I think that you'd have to be so careful telling them not to ask questions, how do they know what's important? I would really just let them ask.

titchy · 01/02/2023 22:26

They don't know that the world won't end though - they're new and nervous of getting something wrong. Arrange to have a 15 minute catch up every early afternoon where they can ask all silly questions they wanted to ask that morning.

Marblessolveeverything · 01/02/2023 22:26

How are they going to know what to ask? Is the training set out in a standard operating procedure that you can refer them to ?

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:26

@TooGosh because they do have sector experience - but honestly some of the things they ask blow my mind because any reasonable person would find the answer out or know it just is trivial.

But exactly what you've said I don't want them the king they can't ask stuff and then make a mistake but it's honestly making me lose my mind

It's like they have no self awareness like literally none. They see I'm so so busy and just do t seem to care at all

OP posts:
Spermysextowel · 01/02/2023 22:27

Presumably the questions are necessary to them, or they wouldn’t ask? Perhaps they need information that they haven’t been given…

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 22:27

Suck it up.

She's new to the job so how is she to know the world won't end if she does/doesn't do x, y or z.

EVHead · 01/02/2023 22:27

I’m glad I don’t work for you!

They'll learn by asking. If you tell them to be quiet they’ll be too intimidated to speak and they’ll be a shit team member.

Praise and encourage the behaviour you do want.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 01/02/2023 22:27

Can you buddy them up with different people throughout the day so the disruption is minimal.

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:27

@titchy but unless I say try and limit questions outside of that they will not get the message and it will keep happening

It's honestly depressing me - my head feels like it's exploding

OP posts:
IDontCareMatthew · 01/02/2023 22:28

Questions they have may be important to them

It's your job to answer them, no matter what you might think! Awful attitude!

Whyisitsososohard · 01/02/2023 22:28

Have you been managing people long? You don't sound very tolerant. Which in my experience is essential for management. You can't go getting irritated by any old thing. I wonder how this works with managing people for you. As pp says I'd be careful with this as how do tge know what is important?

IDontCareMatthew · 01/02/2023 22:28

Sounds like you feel threatened op!

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:29

Ok let me be clearer, the job is a universal job that doesn't change fundamentally irrespective of when you change employer (with the exception of systems which are unique to us) but they're often not asking system stuff and even when they are come to me and I repeatedly say ask I.T - they know I'm not IT do why ask me IT questions?

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:30

Threatened, not at all.

Also I understand what people are saying but is there not a balance? Do you really expect someone to be able to constantly ask questions all day? Seriously?

OP posts:
titchy · 01/02/2023 22:30

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:27

@titchy but unless I say try and limit questions outside of that they will not get the message and it will keep happening

It's honestly depressing me - my head feels like it's exploding

Well yes obvs you have to tell them not to ask any questions till your meeting. But phrase it that you think very highly of their experience and you'd like to see what they can do under their own initiative rather than relying on others. But as you understand they're new you're giving them a specific time every day where they can check in any queries with you.

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:30

Being a manager does not mean people can use you to think for them. Sorry but I don't agree. You're there to catch absolutely but people become lazy with their brain and just see it easier to ask the manager and I don't think that's fair

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:31

@titchy thank you that's a wise suggestions

OP posts:
IDontCareMatthew · 01/02/2023 22:32

How long has this person been with you?

titchy · 01/02/2023 22:32

Yes but you have to train them - you've said the systems are new. The job maybe universal - but if they've only done the job at one previous employer they won't know that. They may not know who or how to contact IT. They won't yet know about the culture in your organisation.

You do sound very intolerant I agree. Did you hire them?

Rainbowshine · 01/02/2023 22:34

Is it the constant interruption that is the problem? Book short catch ups into the day and ask them to use those for checking any issues with you. Could you feedback that given their experience you would expect a greater degree of knowledge and ability to navigate through the process/work tasks independently, what can you do to support them to be more self sufficient?

Oysterbabe · 01/02/2023 22:34

You don't sound like a good manager tbh.

Murphs1 · 01/02/2023 22:35

I find this a bit sad tbh, that as a manager you’re asking this.
She’s new and probably nervous, wanting to fit in and make an impression. If I was you, I’d cut her a bit of slack, and encourage that questioning approach. Questioning what we do helps keep things fresh and can lead to positive changes.

Nerdface · 01/02/2023 22:35

Is it a while since you've started a new job yourself? Even an experienced person has loads to get to grips with about everything from how the politics of the company works down to what the number is for the printer. They're probably already beating themselves up about getting things right quickly enough.

Perhaps a more tolerant approach explaining you've got some deadlines to meet but you're keen to make sure they get your undivided attention hence the daily meeting?

picklemewalnuts · 01/02/2023 22:36

Are they seeking reassurance out of anxiety? Some people need to constantly touch base initially, until they find their feet. Think of a toddler talking to make sure you are still there.

Could you do it gradually?
So, "Fred, I've a complex task this afternoon. Do not disturb me for the next hour. Don't not interrupt or ask questions- make a note of any queries and I'll help you with them at 2.30.

Gradually increase the time you are unavailable.

Murphs1 · 01/02/2023 22:38

Apologies, in the time I’ve typed my response you’ve explained further. Disregard my post 😁

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