To tell new starter to be quiet?

[notetakerforlife]

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

@chergar thank you I agree, I definitely could offer more support in that sense and ask her where she feels she needs help

@chergar you're also spot on it is face to face and I know for a fact if they were at home they wouldn't message me half the things they ask - it's the convenience of me being there

Sounds like attention seeking to me.

I think the fact that they aren't picking up on this shows a lack of EQ. Which is something to be aware of...
It sounds stressful. I would do what others have recommended and try to have 1-1's for questions, and make it clear that's when they can ask. And then clear when they can lead/ask in a group setting.

I also think lots of people are nervous about the current climate - so maybe it's just nerves? Hope so, otherwise it sounds draining..

There are basic tools to manage this situation and I wonder if a lack of experience as a manager or lack of management training is adding to your frustration on this.

Ok, this sounds much harder to deal with than "questions", and changes my answer a lot.

Do you think she's well meaning but has trouble with impulse control and knowing when its socially appropriate to say something? Is she desperate to please and impress? If you could get to the roots of what's driving her behaviour it would help a lot.

If she is being very inappropriate in her interuptions, I think you need to start being slightly blunter back. When she interrupts "hold on a moment", or slightly raise a hand in a "wait" gesture.

You could maybe speak to her, in private, and say something like "You seem very keen to contribute to everything that's going on. I've noticed that you often want to give input on other people's tasks?" see if she explains why... then maybe something like:] "I really need you to focus on your own work at the moment. People need to concentrate, and need to be left to complete on their own work in their own way. I trust their competence, and if they do make mistakes, it will be picked up in the review system."

They sound over anxious. Hadle this sensitivity. But be clear. If so wone else is talking and they talk over them say. "Sharon ' is talking. ....

And continue.

If they continue. Take them to one side and say it's lovely that they are so enthusiastic and want to be involved but they dint need to try so hard. Let others lead etc.

OP does sound quite dramatic, but it could be because she's at the end of her tether with a situation. How she posts on MN isn't necessarily how she is in work.

When it was just the questions situation, I'd want to establish what induction is like for new staff, do they have a key list of contacts and job responsibilities so they know who to go to for different problems, does your team have a staff handbook that's up to date, are there any operating procedure documents or systems documents that clearly outline the approach to the work in your team? In my experience if the answers to most common questions are in those sorts of documents, it's easy to signpost a couple of times and then call a meeting to say "information is provided in the following places and it's starting to impact on department performance when you aren't using the team materials first".

The general lack of etiquette would also annoy me OP. Some people have to be talking or offering an insight at all times and it's frustrating.

Is it convenience though? The questions maybe are. But the advice part sounds like she’s trying to impress you and show that she’s knowledgeable but she’s oblivious that she’s not actually giving good advice. I’ve seen super competitive people do this kind of stuff to managers they think they should be impressing. It’s very immature. You may need to talk to her in her 121 about allowing other people to work through their own problems unless her support is requested. I think you have 2 separate issues that need addressing differently: advice, questions.

The OP sounds very dramatic indeed.

It's soul destroying, utterly soul destroying

I've worked with over dramatic people before and it wears you down in the end.

Tbh I wouldn't like to be managed by you. The one folks should be able to come to with anything and know they will get a relaxed helpful answer or talk. Shouldn't matter at all new starter or not, mainly trained or not, you picked the responsibility of managing to either take it on and change your attitude or find a different more suitable job. I manage quite a group and no way would I treat employees old or new with this attitude infact I would give myself a good stern talking to if I did think any of that and try to change to be more accommodating etc. Good luck. Step back, reevaluate

I'm not remotely dramatic, but when I had to work with the person I posted about earlier, had I been a mumsnetter I'd have been posting dramatically too. Because my job was already stressful and she was absolutely doing my head in.

Having had to be professional with her all day, all that pent up irritation would land here in a big heap.

Asking a question about dealing with a challenging person does not make a bad manager. Maybe just let someone vent and provide ideas about your approach?

This is not a child, it is an employee. Not all new colleagues are shy retiring types. Month 2 should see people able to work things out and have built understanding and relationships to start fixing problems themselves. I am available to support my team and also need to balance this with delivering my own work.

Some people think by talking and asking questions, others are more reflective. Some people have main character syndrome, others think asking lots of questions raises their profile in a positive way, others are lazy.

Do they know they are being disruptive? Have a meeting to agree a way forward with regard to your rules of engagement. Ask them for their opinion about how this can work better for everyone. Listen, them give yourself thinking time to their suggestions.

Set tasks with inflight and end reviews. Try retrospective questioning - What went well? Not so well? What would you do differently? What still puzzles you?

Set aside time for questions 10-15 mins. Ask them to come prepared with ideas for solutions and what they think their priorities should be. Buddy them up with other team members. Give them some ownership. Maybe ask them to prepare desk instructions or FAQ based on their experience?

Put focus time in your diary. Maybe structure your meetings and make rules of engagement clear for everyone.

And also just seen some of your replies. You come accross as very rude and derogatory. You defo have your own chip on your shoulder. You say your not a perfect manager well neither or staff perfect they are all different you cant put them all in a box and expect every single one to act and train the exact same. Shame on you for thinking its ok for you not to be perfect but expecting anemployee to be and a new starter at that!

Maybe it depends on the job. What other responsibilities do you have apart from managing, LadyJ2023?

In my field often you have both management responsibilities, and your own skilled and time-pressured tasks that require focussed attention. It's impossible to do the latter if you are interrupted literally every 5 minutes.

Yes, people should be able to go to their manager with anything, but the manager may need to set boundaries on the times of day at which that can happen.

This is great advice, I might reflect on some of these for my own work too :)

No, she sounds incredibly frustrated.

She's not been rude to the newbie and there's nothing to suggest that's she's been anything other than professional with her at work. She's just venting here.

I think owning my own business and having 152 people working for me all managed by me and all been with me for many years and happy then clearly I'm not doing to badly. But maybe i don't have an attitude that comes accross as stink!!!!!!

Is it possible she has Inattentive ADHD (hyperactive mind)? Interrupting is a very common trait. I have Inattentive ADHD and our brain is thinking of so many things at once that we tend to miss social cues unfortunately and interrupt. We can also ask lots of questions because when your brain is thinking of the same thing on a number of levels lots of questions pop into your head. It sounds like she might be anxious, I would ask her if she is feeling anxious.

People who aren't 'remotely dramatic', don't suddenly start posting in a dramatic way because they have pent up irritation.

I think people who do, tend to have a touch of the theatricals about them.

I briefly for a year done a trainers role with my job and I would always tell our new starts no question is ever a stupid question please ask me anything as I’d rather that than they were not sure or competent and made mistakes, I could never break somebody’s confidence coming into a new environment by telling them to stop asking stupid questions, some People just need clarification and a confidence boost with a little extra support. And given I was paid to do that I would do that

OP, I think I've acted in some ways similarly to your new start in a number of jobs. Talking too much, asking questions I could find the answer to, sharing my views on topics of the day....

My new job is solely working from home and I've reflected I've probably been a bit of a nightmare for line managers and colleagues in the past.
Why? Wanting to be liked, feeling comfortable when I develop friendly relationships wanting, wanting reassurance, getting distracted easily, coupled with working in casual chatty environments where I've still talked too much. It sounds pretty sad when I write it like that! I am well regarded in my field for my skills and deliver good work but think I've been hard to manage in the way you describe OP.

I would say people want and need boundaries - there is security in knowing that your boss will pull you up when needed. I would appreciate a manager who made it clear where that line was, for my own benefit. The challenge is delivering the message in a friendly way, but you've had some good suggestions here on how to politely get her to shut up.

So hopefully she is a good worker who just needs kicked into shape a bit OP!

@ittakes2 I definitely think there is ADHD involved 100 %

Being honest I don't have experience of dealing with this - they haven't said they have it but I noticed they tend to need to move a lot and can't seem to sit and focus

Someone asking questions is depressing you?

Well you're wrong. I'm actually somewhat introverted and hate dramatics. But what is an anonymous forum for, if not to vent after a bad day?