To tell new starter to be quiet?

[notetakerforlife]

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

@makingarunforit that's a fair point - perhaps I've forgotten what it feels like

How long have you been a manager? Really doesn't sound as if you have the right skill set. Of course newbies are going to ask questions. Do you expect them just to get everything by osmosis?

Even in the same sector, every organisation works differently and every department and manager works differently.

I am also very glad I don't work for you.

Have you had a review with this person since they started?

Have you asked them about how thy have found the training?

What they think they are doing well? What they are struggling with? Where they think they need support?

You could politely mention they appear to still have a lot of questions, and you want to help them n that regard.

Point them to various people, John is an expert on Y, Mary is very experienced at Y etc.

Tell them thst you really only have a half hour slot at X for queries etc.

Suggest taking notes etc so they have a reference point for even they have to do the same task again etc.

When asked questions, put it bscl on them, ok, what have you done so far, what have you looked up? who did you speak to? If I wasn't here today and you had to complete thecadk what would you have done? What can you do differently next time etc?

They may be afraid of making a mistake? They may be setting very high standards for themselve etc?

You need to have the conversation. Highlight what supports are available, highlight expectations etc. Review every few weeks to ensure there are improvements etc.

Did you recruit her?

Are you able to fire her? If you feel this strongly at month 2 it probably won’t end well - in part because you see this as a her problem and not a you problem, so unlikely to see improvement.

if you can’t terminate, then you need to dig deep and actually manage. There are loads of resources online about coaching, deepening managing practices. If your standard approach is train and release, that’s a pretty shallow managerial skill set.

I wonder if some leadership/managerial training might be appropriate for you?

Your 'head is going to blow'.

It's 'depressing' you.

'It's soul destroying, utterly soul destroying'.

This sounds like it's down to you and your irritability to be honest.

A good manager should be able to identify a colleagues way of working, their character, what makes them tick, what motivates them etc and then use that knowledge to help get the best from each person they manage.

You can't expect each different team member to fit into the little boxes that make it easy for you.

Ok, so this is an example people aren't quite fully understanding.

I could be talking to another team member telling them something and then this person interrupts to give what they think is 'help' when I didn't ask for their advice and often, it wasn't necessarily the advice that was required.

There was another instance where she was telling someone they weee not correct and the other person said they'd literally spoken to the third party about it yesterday and it is correct and there was then a back and forth about it.

I've had two or three others say this person has too much to say.

I'm not making this up! Agree my management is impatient because I have so so many tasks I'm responsible for, but it is also largely that this person talks A LOT

One of your "tasks" is inducting this staff member and helping her understand the culture and what is a welcome/useful interaction and what is not.

It's soul destroying, utterly soul destroying
Are you always so dramatic? 🙄

This is on you.
If you are being so affected and simply cannot actually 'manage' her, surely you are the ineffective one here?

She sounds a right pain in the neck tbh. And clueless about general etiquette. I think you should take her aside and tell her she needs to stop interrupting people and to limit her questions.

I understand this, I usually just tell them I'm sorry but I don't have time at the moment

@Blinky21 😂

You should maybe go to your own manager and ask them for advice. That’s what they’re there for….just as you are for your team.
Do you get management training so if things like this crop up, you’ll feel more confident dealing with them?

I also agree that it can be very draining esp if you are managing a large team in a pressurised role

@Viviennemary that's it - even if we take out the fact there a work related questions, general etiquette is what's missing

I think the asking her to write them down and go through them twice a day or something would work well.

If you think it's a pointless question then tell her that you think it's great that she cares about the detail but will never be judged on this particular detail so as far as you're concerned she can do what she thinks is best.

I think often a question back works well. 'Have you looked in x guide?' 'What would you have done about this in your old job?' 'I know we haven't covered this before but based on what we have covered so far, what conclusions can you draw / what's your gut feel?'

Sometimes people act like this because they are scared of making a mistake. If you can give some reassurance that you work in a culture where mistakes are seen as a learning opportunity that can help, and one way of doing this is commenting on mistakes you've made yourself and what you learnt from them. Other times it's a confidence thing and so helping to build this will help. For instance she asks about x. You say that other people have had similar questions and it would be a good opportunity for her to find out more about the subject by speaking to this person or reading through something else and then she can run a short informal session for others (in a team meeting or something) to update everyone and so then she becomes the go to person for questions in that subject

Coachable moment? You did x, I observed the following impact. I am concerned because y. What are your thoughts on how to approach differently in the future.

These examples are not asking questions, which is what your OP was about.

Some good suggestions here keep them coming thank you

Could you have a chat with her where you say that you’ve noticed she’s asking a lot of questions and you wanted to reassure her now she’s been there for two months that you feel she’s ready to take the initiative a little more. Also throw in that there are some very knowledgeable people on the team that everyone is super busy so won’t always be able to stop to answer questions but listening to how the team do things is good practice. How about we don’t always have time throughout the day to answer all your questions, but understand your learning so it would be better to make a note of any questions and go through them once a week.

What's the matter with everyone?

OP had said that she's managed fifty people over the years and never had someone behave like this.

I taught for forty years in a special school (so had three or four TAs to manage and work alongside in my room every year). All went pretty swimmingly until I had someone like this new starter that OP is dealing with. It was grim. And no, it wasn't me not being suited to the job. Very far from it. This was a role that I was seen as being particularly good at.

But this woman almost drove me nuts. It was impossible for me to focus on what I was doing, or on the (very complex) kids. Because she was always there with an unimportant question or idea at the worst possible moment. She was simply unable to read what was happening in the room. She had a thought, she said it. Whatever else was going on. Ugh.

So yes, I know exactly the kind of person that OP is talking about.

Are you working with this person face to face or remotely and she is messaging you with these questions? Could it be she is just someone who thinks out loud and isn't really looking for you to answer her but just saying what she thinks in case it is wrong and you can jump in and correct her?
Does she know that her tasks, although obviously important, aren't the end of the world and if mistakes are made they can be rectified easily?

I would maybe approach it in a feedback session saying as she has now been there two months how is she settling in, what she feels her strengths weaknesses are, where she feels she needs more training etc then you could say you are aware she is asking quite a few questions but you would like her to just try and complete the task on her own, you trust her and if there are any errors they will be sorted and she won't be in trouble for them, say you are worried that if she keeps asking for reassurance she might fall into a rut of not finding the answer herself which will be an issue if you are on annual leave or sick or otherwise not available.

@saraclara thank you so much for understanding. I honestly don't think it's something anyone can understand unless they've experienced it.

Like you say if I've never encountered this before surely it's can't all be me and the other fifty people I've trained that are the issue?