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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new starter to be quiet?

299 replies

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:23

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:38

@Nerdface that's a really great way to phrase it thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:39

@picklemewalnuts I considered that but felt it might be rude.

Seriously why are people saying why am I asking this? No I'm not a new manager - am I not allowed to have challenges am I supposed to be perfect? Just because I'm a manager?

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:40

I can't take the questions - my head is literally going to blow - it's a question every five minutes. Come on, that's not right and like I said they're often NOT system based

OP posts:
BridaBrida · 01/02/2023 22:43

You sound incredibly inexperienced as a manager.

Schedule a meeting with them, acknowledge what they’re doing well and follow up by asking how they feel they’re settling into the job. You’ve noticed that they’re still asking a lot of questions so ask if any further training required as you want to make sure that they’re confident in their role. It’s really not rocket science.

AltitudeCheck · 01/02/2023 22:43

You have my sympathy OP... I work with someone like this. Questions for the sake of talking rather than needing to ask...

Things like what's the phone number for XXX (I don't know, but if I needed to know I would Google it rather than interrupt my manger to ask them).... What time does XXX open (Google it ffs!).... Is such and such person in today? (You can see their calendar just like I can and I explained that last time you asked me)... Drives the rest of the team mad!

It's so disruptive to everyone else and uses up any goodwill so that when they do have an actual question they need help with we're all burnt out by the questions that they could have answered very easily themselves.

WetBandits · 01/02/2023 22:44

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:40

I can't take the questions - my head is literally going to blow - it's a question every five minutes. Come on, that's not right and like I said they're often NOT system based

Oh poor you 🙄

Perhaps you’re not cut out to be a manager?

SausageInCider · 01/02/2023 22:44

If you can’t work with people why are you in management? Line managing is my worst nightmare so I don’t do it

flabbygoldfish · 01/02/2023 22:45

Could you maybe try and deflect a little and say you do not have time to answer that right now but note it down to go through it later on and just schedule a 15 min catch up to go through the questions she may well not have. By introducing a gap between question and answer she may well work it out herself.

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:46

@AltitudeCheck thank you, although Mumsnet clearly just say 'you must be a crap manager' they're clearly NOT managers because a manager is not there to be someone's brain and think for them.

The manager also has managing to do - like the rest of the team. Some people truly are strange

OP posts:
Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 01/02/2023 22:47

have you properly explained everything? Do you have it all written down?

years ago when my dept had new starts I would tell them to write their questions down, and then we could discuss them at regular points in the day: it was really helpful for both them and me

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:48

@SausageInCider this is the thing, I can work with people. Have trained well over 50 people over the years, never had anything like this even from less experienced

So it really isn't me with the issue - but I'm looking for how to handle it as I've never had it before

Also the questions are not questions sometimes just comments about random things and it's constant - but often work related so I feel bad Saying be quiet

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:49

@Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness thank you great suggestion because I can't just have it so that someone can constantly interrrupt me every few minutes

OP posts:
Hoplesscynic · 01/02/2023 22:49

I think I actually get where you are coming from OP.
Ok, she's new, needs training and is asking questions... BUT if you've already told her you can't address certain areas (e.g you are not IT) or if she's constantly spouting all sorts of irrelevant questions, taking up people's time and not things she needs in order to complete her tasks, then YANBU at all.
I work with a similar type person, new-ish but with experience in our field. She does this all the time, someone will mention something (related to their work but totally irrelevant to her) and she'll start with a million How's, What's and Why's. Asking for completely unnecessary details. So a 30 minute team meeting involving her could end up easily an hour, because that's what she does as soon as anything is mentioned.

jannier · 01/02/2023 22:49

Wow how to make someone feel welcome I'm training you but shut up very approachable.

Spookysparkles · 01/02/2023 22:49

you don’t sound suited to managing a team

PixieLaLa · 01/02/2023 22:49

I have worked with people like this is the past, there most definitely is such a thing as too many questions! Can you ask them to write down all their questions and then you sit down and go through them together. You can then highlight ones that would be for IT or a different department etc

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:50

I'm honestly stunned people see a manager ultimately as a punchbag that just listen and take whatever comes, really ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:51

@PixieLaLa yes thank you so much for the suggestion I am going to put something like this in place because I am really struggling

OP posts:
Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:51

Spookysparkles · 01/02/2023 22:49

you don’t sound suited to managing a team

🙄 seriously stop being a dick. Managers can't have challenges? Manager is supposed to listen to only one person all day?

OP posts:
Withnailandeye · 01/02/2023 22:52

You need to ask your company to put you through some managerial training OP.

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:52

@Hoplesscynic that is exactly the same situation as I'm experiencing - thank you. Glad it's not just me!

It's soul destroying, utterly soul destroying

OP posts:
Withnailandeye · 01/02/2023 22:53

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:51

🙄 seriously stop being a dick. Managers can't have challenges? Manager is supposed to listen to only one person all day?

Show quote history

You asked whether you could tell them to stop asking questions. That’s categorically poor management by anyones standards.

Original poster
notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:53

@Withnailandeye please say something useful

OP posts:
Withnailandeye · 01/02/2023 22:54

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:53

@Withnailandeye please say something useful

😂
why have you posted on AIBU?

WinnieFosterReads · 01/02/2023 22:56

There's a massive difference between being a 'punchbag' and answering questions from a new start or/and allowing a new start to chat and question until they learn the dynamic of the organisation and find their feet in the team.

You should flag to your manager that you're struggling because your response to this new team member is disproportionate and could cause issues going forward.

Also a good manager doesn't post on MN after 10pm to bitch about a new member of their team.