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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do children do so many self defeating or ill advised things.

128 replies

Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:09

My children's teachers are on strike today, so I forced (sic) the children on a dog walk to the beach before doing a fun trip this afternoon to a trampoline Park.

Jesus. My 7 year old did so many silly things during the beach trip. Plonked himself in the woods and said he wasn't coming (how would he find his way home)? On the beach, unlaced all his shoes in a strop (I had to replace them so he could actually walk home in them). Pulled the bobble off his hat when he didn't win a game of rounders..... Walked around without shoes for half the walk home. I'm knackered.

I have noticed that (my) children are really hard to govern in the outside world without them doing silly or dangerous things.

Is it just me or do I need to just accept they are kids...

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 13:10

You need to accept , and then listen to, the emotional signals they’re sending you?

Original poster
Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:10

What silly things have your children done? Make me feel better as I sit rocking gently in the corner with a restorative cup of tea before we attempt the trampoline park.

OP posts:
Original poster
Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:11

You need to accept , and then listen to, the emotional signals they’re sending you

😂

OP posts:
SirSamVimesCityWatch · 01/02/2023 13:12

Kids are dicks a lot of the time. Wouldn't worry about it too much.

BiasedBinding · 01/02/2023 13:12

Because… they’re children. That’s why they are accompanied by adults everywhere to supervise them

Skyeheather · 01/02/2023 13:12

If my 7 year old behaved like that the trip to the trampoline park would have been cancelled.

My 7 year old would not have behaved like that because he would have known Mummy would cancel the trampoline park for bad behaviour.

Blahburst · 01/02/2023 13:13

I would have let him walk with no laces. Then again I would have probably just left mine sitting in the woods too. I’m surprised they’re alive at all really.

derelicte · 01/02/2023 13:13

It's painful to watch, but sometimes they just insist on learning things the hard way.

Sussexlass84 · 01/02/2023 13:13

I get it OP - I'd love to get inside their brains sometimes to understand what the eff is going on!

Mrsjayy · 01/02/2023 13:13

Kids to all sorts to test boundaries for attention or simple just to see what happens if... you need to accept that and look out for them and decide what you will or won't accept.

Chickenly · 01/02/2023 13:13

Children don’t have the same problem solving capacity that adults do. Even adults, when faced with a situation we cannot cope with, act in ways that are self-destructive or completely counter-productive. Children encounter these situations more frequently.

Your 7yo does sound unusually stroppy - is this a regular level of stroppiness? How do you address it? Is there anything else going on? Sleep pattern/diet/issues at school/ongoing illness? It’s usually something very minor that triggers this low resilience which can then snowball. It just sounds like a bad day to me but if it’s a bad day every day then maybe look into why he’s struggling to cope with life and feels the need to act out.

PasteisdeNata · 01/02/2023 13:14

Sounds like he didn’t want to go and was telling you with actions rather than words.

Why’s that?

mumof3now2 · 01/02/2023 13:14

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 01/02/2023 13:12

Kids are dicks a lot of the time. Wouldn't worry about it too much.

This...
I'd say it gets easier, but my 14 year old got a detention yesterday... for breaking his own calculator in half!

BigMadAdrian · 01/02/2023 13:14

None of that sounds too bad.

Original poster
Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:14

I would have let him walk with no laces. Then again I would have probably just left mine sitting in the woods too. I’m surprised they’re alive at all really.

I was seriously tempted to carry on walking and leave him in the woods. It was exhausting.

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 01/02/2023 13:15

Cause kids are dicks. That’s why.

BakedTattie · 01/02/2023 13:16

Yours sound relatively constrained compared to mine.

mine would have eaten sand and tried to throw himself off a cliff or something sensible like that.

Original poster
Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:17

mine would have eaten sand and tried to throw himself off a cliff or something sensible like that.

Well they did also climb up a cliff, way too high for my liking.

OP posts:
moita · 01/02/2023 13:18

Yeah my 6 year old does some random things...as you say it's self defeating and leaves me thinking 'but WHY?!'.

ThreeblackCats · 01/02/2023 13:19

I’d be telling my kids that they’d lost their trip to the trampoline park… but you do you.
Just don’t moan that you’ve raised brats when lazy parenting works best for you now!
did you tell your child that he would miss out on a nice treat if he continued to misbehave? I guess not.
Enforce boundaries, stick to gentle but basic rules, such as ‘we keep our shoes on’ or ‘we don’t destroy our clothes’ or ‘we don’t hit, shout, shit in our hands, kill small animals,’
it seems you are allowing your kids to get away with blue murder and they have no punishment.

HairyMcHairyFace · 01/02/2023 13:19

Because children are idiots and that's why they need adult supervision until they can be relied upon to be a bit more sensible.
My brother and I aged about 7 & 8 decided to jump off the shed roof using pillow cases as parachutes. Fuck knows what we were thinking but thankfully our mum stopped us before we broke anything.

ThreeblackCats · 01/02/2023 13:21

Yahoo @Skyeheather , so glad I’m not the only one! High five to you too

SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 13:22

Commonsensitivity · 01/02/2023 13:11

You need to accept , and then listen to, the emotional signals they’re sending you

😂

I don’t really get why you’re laughing @Commonsensitivity

You're the one who said

“I have noticed that (my) children are really hard to govern in the outside world without them doing silly or dangerous things.”

Well, mine aren’t.

So maybe you should pay attention to the attention-grabbing antics of your child.

RealBecca · 01/02/2023 13:24

I'm always amazed that any children are alive in shows like the Walking Dead. Or rather, surprised anyone is alive when accompanying a small child.

Druim · 01/02/2023 13:25

This is my favourite video of kids being stupid. It’s lighthearted and nobody gets hurt.

https://youtube.com/shorts/674IFkAj_1s?feature=share