Why do children do so many self defeating or ill advised things.

[Commonsensitivity]

My children's teachers are on strike today, so I forced (sic) the children on a dog walk to the beach before doing a fun trip this afternoon to a trampoline Park.

Jesus. My 7 year old did so many silly things during the beach trip. Plonked himself in the woods and said he wasn't coming (how would he find his way home)? On the beach, unlaced all his shoes in a strop (I had to replace them so he could actually walk home in them). Pulled the bobble off his hat when he didn't win a game of rounders..... Walked around without shoes for half the walk home. I'm knackered.

I have noticed that (my) children are really hard to govern in the outside world without them doing silly or dangerous things.

Is it just me or do I need to just accept they are kids...

Better link hopefully …

youtube.com/shorts/674IFkAj_1s?feature=share

I often think it’s a miracle that any children survive, frankly.

I'm always amazed that any children are alive in shows like the Walking Dead. Or rather, surprised anyone is alive when accompanying a small child.

Yes! This exactly. Like you get on a plane and they straight away try to press all the buttons. They don't look where theyre going. They try to get out of car seats. They are just a massive liability half the time 😂

Takes less then 5 minutes for the judgy mums to chime in with " my kids behave as I am a superior parent " remarks.
I call bollocks. Yanbu op.

Because they are children with child brains trying to process big emotions and push boundaries. You can’t expect them to see reason the way an adult would

Their brains are significantly less developed than an adults and they have much less impulse control and ability to regulate their emotions. They’re not just little adults and they can’t reason like adults. A bit of research on child development might help you, and some reasonable expectations. Yes it’s tiring, yes it’s more work for us than we’d like, but they’re not trying to piss you off or make things harder.

I also think it's an evolutionary flaw. Like imagine if we weren't watching them like a hawk constantly like we do with modern parenting?

They're kids! They don't have common sense yet because they don't have any life experience.

That said I do find it helps to try and see things from their perspective, and not try to interpret their actions as though an adult had done them.

Apparently without birth control and modern parenting, women had on average 6-8 children but only 2 would survive to adulthood. So that's what happened.

Yep. I feel like I spend half my life saying, "Why?! Why would you do that?!"

Well we didn’t used to but birth control wasn’t invented then so people had more kids but they didn’t all survive to adulthood. Nowadays kids can survive chronic stupidity and recklessness.

All the 'well my children wouldn't dare' parents are hilarious.

I have always had consequences, followed through with them, used discipline, dealt with their emotional needs etc etc etc. One of my children was, when younger, an absolute complete and utter arsehole and liability.

She's better now and more predictable and about to enter her teens. Her brothers been fine as a teen. Im not smug enough though to be telling anyone struggling with teenage angst that it's because I'm a better parent than they are.

The frontal cortex which governs reasoning isn't fully developed til 25 - so of course kids are idiots.

Kids used to die all the time relatively recently not just because of disease but because there just wasn't the parental time or facilities to keep an eye on them 24-7. Now they are supervised and kept away from dangerous outside places all day they have even less common sense and self-preservation skills. They'll even have to watch a ten minute scare video before being allowed on the trampoline. No wonder they want to climb up mountains and throw caution to the wind like their primitive instincts tell them.

One of mine now late 20s almost blinded herself when they put pepper in their eyes a mili second after i said put that down ! I mean it's like they don't believe us 🤷

Haha, I think you could replace that with why do humans do self defeating stupid things? That's a question!
One of mine used to splash in puddles til he was soaked, so I put him in a waterproof all in one and wellies in rainy times. His response? Lie down in a deep puddle and pretend to swim.
Another one used to regularly just stop walking and refuse to move (often mid 10 minute walk home from school.
You can't win.

And go on to excel in business or politics... or at least get promoted up out of trouble or not get sacked too quickly 😂

See also, lodging a pea up their nose, checking if a sparkler is hot after it goes out and a million other things

I have a 1 and 4 year old (and a 14yo so I do know this does pass!) I said to DH the other day as we ran past each other each chasing one, the 1yo has no life preservation sense so would actually kill/maim himself through curiosity, but isn't strong enough to cause much damage. The 4yo does have some basic life preservation sense, but is strong enough to break things and cause expensive damage! It's like you have to pick one! I usually chase the 1yo while shouting instructions/warnings/threats at the 4yo 😂

Two words.

Hallway. Basketball.

Some things it’s because they lack impulse control (as others have said)

other things look up ‘schemas’ - idea from Montessori - can help understand some behaviours. For instance that deconstruction (ie breaking stuff) is part of the construction schema - there is a learning process going on when children break stuff basically

My 1yo is currently trying all the ways to post a pencil into the heater. Luckily it doesn't fit, but he hasn't worked that out yet.

I am trying to settle him into a wonderful nursery who would describe this as him learning about space and capacity When his brother started he took a bite out of a glue stick, and they wrote in his journal that he was curious and exploring his senses (Then they took it off him and offered him a snack instead).

Kids are all different though.

My 7yo never did anything “naughty” as a kid, I never really needed to worry about her hurting herself in ridiculous ways etc, she’s always had a sensible head. But oh my god the attitude is ridiculous and it started from as soon as she could talk - tbh, before then even.
My son is 1 this month and is way harder physically than my 7yo. He tries to kill himself several times a day, laughs when he’s told no, etc. - but on the other hand, he’s much more even tempered than my daughter was as a baby. Can be distracted out of crying fits. If I take away something, eg his bottle or dummy, he crawls away and finds something else whereas my daughter would lose her shit for an hour.

I know that as he grows up, he’s probably not going to take 20 minutes to out his shoes on just to ruin my day like my daughter does, but also I’m probably not going to be able to ditch the pram by his second birthday like I did with my daughter, because he’ll probably try to fling himself into traffic or eat dog poo every 20 steps.

They have been brought up the same and are whole siblings, it’s just a personality thing.

op, I sympathise. I’d have taken them home, shoes untied though. In fact, I’ve done exactly that many times!

I’d go for the four year old. Children are replaceable, family heirlooms aren’t.

To me this is ‘shrug and laugh it off’ behaviour if the child is 2 or younger. At 7 it’s really just naughty and ridiculous behaviour. I wouldn’t expect to be putting on a 7 year old’s shoes after they’d been kicked off ins strop, and it would really have been a case of a warning then canceled trampoline park and home for a quiet and boring afternoon of doing jobs and reading/quiet activities.

I remember doing some crazy things as a child - I plopped into a swimming pool age 3 just to see & nearly drowned. I jumped off the tops of houses being built in our neighbourhood, I often crossed the road without looking, I ate mud and I got myself into THE riskiest situations with drugs and alcohol as a teen.

So when my 3 DC do dick moves (regularly) I kind of understand that it's their chimp brain and say to myself 'You did this shit, don't be a hypocrite and get mad' but it is a puzzle isn't it? Think it's underformed neural pathways. The cold feet/hat benefits/injuries aren't learnt yet. Dunno why some humans need to learn the hard way. Foolish or courage?