Page 9 | Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

Scrumbler · 2023-02-01T12:18:39+00:00

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually. Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it. Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was. He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in. I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door. I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened. To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

Overgrowngrasslady · 01/02/2023 13:53

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:51

People are really dramatic on here about people not answering their door. If people hardly ever come to your door other than cold callers then it makes sense, stops you wasting your time, and people are often in the middle of something and don't feel like breaking off. All the "I don't know how you function" comments are way over the top. Obviously just fine, as if it was something they needed, they'd go to the door.

I would go and see who it was if someone was banging repeatedly because that would seem unusual for a cold caller.

But YANBU, I suspect they were just stressed out due to what happened. Or perhaps they're MN users and are oddly offended by the idea of people not answering their doors.

I think you’ve misunderstood but I’m not sure how. No one is offended. People are bemused by it and don’t understand the behaviour. But that’s not taking offence

Butchyrestingface · 01/02/2023 13:53

Maybe instantaneous responses are not her thing.

I think we already know this. 😉

Blossomtoes · 01/02/2023 13:53

SnarkyBag · 01/02/2023 12:31

I have no time or understanding for people who have a generic “I don’t answer my door if it’s not pre planned or it’s the wrong door” just bloody answer it!

This. I can’t imagine not answering the front door. Even more so with repeated knocking.

SerafinasGoose · 01/02/2023 13:54

Butchyrestingface · 01/02/2023 13:53

Maybe instantaneous responses are not her thing.

I think we already know this. 😉

😂

Maireas · 01/02/2023 13:54

mumof3now2 · 01/02/2023 13:49

Are you for real?
We NEVER answer our front door, 1, because no one ever comes round unexpectedly, and 2, because we have an arsehole neighbour who orders stuff for delivery knowing she's out at work all day!

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Someone may come round unexpectedly. As we know from this thread, stuff happens.
Fair enough, your choice, just say no.

jannier · 01/02/2023 13:54

KatherineJaneway · 01/02/2023 12:50

I'm like you OP, I do not answer the door unless I am expecting someone / a delivery. At all other times it is always someone trying to sell something or get me to donate to charity etc.

Or someone trying to get help in an emergency, a plain clothed or uniformed policeman, someone telling you your chimney pot is skidding off the roof, car lights are on, someone's just climbed your fence, there was a stranger in the road last night trying your car, your headlights are missing etc. You can say no to cold callers.

Theunamedcat · 01/02/2023 13:54

Surely the neighbours would just use the side door like everyone else?

TheShellBeach · 01/02/2023 13:54

BumpySkull · 01/02/2023 12:39

When we found a bomb, the police had to evacuate the house adjoining ours. It could’ve exploded and killed someone. Imagine just ignoring that! But I’m sure that OP would find a way it was the police’s fault if she got killed or injured.

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If she'd been killed, she wouldn't be able to start a thread about it.

Sloth66 · 01/02/2023 13:56

We get cold callers, some have been aggressive Nottingham knockers, and I don’t answer the door to them. We got a spy hole fitted, now I can see who is there and answer if I want.

takealettermsjones · 01/02/2023 13:57

Sorry haven't RTFT. I don't answer my door if I don't want to. Same with my phone. I will ignore calls if I'm busy or just don't have the headspace to chat. I don't like the idea that we have to be constantly available to whoever might want our attention.

That doesn't mean I never answer the door. I do if I'm not busy etc. But there are some times/circumstances in which I'll never answer it. Home alone and it's past dark? No thanks. Getting baby to sleep? Nope. Halloween? Hell no. 😆

PartyTips · 01/02/2023 13:57

Neededanewuserhandle · 01/02/2023 13:50

I don't answer the door if, as invariably happens, the only time anyone rings the bell is when I am in the middle of a dump. How is that different? Neighbour was/is being ridiculous.

Well, forgive me for stating the bloody obvious but the difference would be that, in one scenario you are otherwise occupied and cannot reasonably answer the door and in the other scenario, you’re perfectly capable of answering but chose not to bother. That would be the big difference.

Imagine if you’re walking down the street and someone behind you falls and shouts after you for help. In one scenario you’re wearing headphones and don’t hear them - you’re not an arsehole. In the other, you hear them but can’t be bothered to help them (which is your right) so you walk off - you’re an arsehole. Either way, you didn’t help them, but only one situation has you acting unreasonably.

Another example. You live in a flat above another flat. Your bath draining leaks into the flat below. In one scenario, you don’t know it’s leaking and you accidentally flood the neighbour’s flat. In the other scenario, you see the water leaking through the floor but continue draining the bath into their flat. You’re only an arsehole in one of these situations.

When you do something by accident it’s not the same as choosing to do it even when the impact on someone else is the same outcome. Obviously.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:57

I think you’ve misunderstood but I’m not sure how. No one is offended. People are bemused by it and don’t understand the behaviour. But that’s not taking offence

No, I haven't misunderstood, I was mainly referring to the neighbours being offended, but there are definitely some comments on here that seem to find the concept aggravating.

JudgeRudy · 01/02/2023 13:58

YANU to answer your own door when and how you like. You would of course be incredibly selfish to have ignored your clearly panicky neighbour.
Both your neighbours were unreasonable to abuse you like that and you did well not to blow your top. What I would say tho is you said you were were shocked at their actions and didnt really know how to handle this unexpected situation. This is exactly the situation your neighbour was in yesterday. Whas the lad knocked unconscious? If not I've no idea why they thought they needed an ambulance. The mother sounds a bit of a drama llama however if they've been otherwise decent people I'd let it go.

BTW if I'm not in the mood I don't answer my door even if I know/suspect who it is. I don't even pretend to not be in. To me a knock is a request not an order....like a telephone call.

TheShellBeach · 01/02/2023 13:58

Bobshhh · 01/02/2023 13:40

Not opening the door is a behaviour demonstrated only by mumsnetters. I have never experienced it in real life.

I knocked on a neighbours door when I had a medical emergency and was home alone, I also knocked on many many houses when I lost my cat and thankfully on both occasions people opened their doors!

Did you find your cat?

Sqqueeeeeeee · 01/02/2023 13:59

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:57

I think you’ve misunderstood but I’m not sure how. No one is offended. People are bemused by it and don’t understand the behaviour. But that’s not taking offence

No, I haven't misunderstood, I was mainly referring to the neighbours being offended, but there are definitely some comments on here that seem to find the concept aggravating.

I don’t think they’re “offended”, I think they’re pissed off by OP being intentionally selfish and unneighbourly.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 14:00

Or someone trying to get help in an emergency, a plain clothed or uniformed policeman, someone telling you your chimney pot is skidding off the roof, car lights are on, someone's just climbed your fence, there was a stranger in the road last night trying your car, your headlights are missing etc. You can say no to cold callers.

Yes you can say no to them but some are really pushy and I just can't be bothered with the hassle. All the things you've mentioned have never happened to me, it's not a strange risk to take given the chances of an emergency happening are quite slim. Some people are just more worried about the worst case scenario than others,

BumpySkull · 01/02/2023 14:00

TheShellBeach · 01/02/2023 13:54

If she'd been killed, she wouldn't be able to start a thread about it.

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Well she hasn’t returned so maybe that’s happened since… or maybe she answered the door and was attacked by an axe murderer…

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 14:01

I don’t think they’re “offended”, I think they’re pissed off by OP being intentionally selfish and unneighbourly.

Pissed off means basically the same thing as offended. And reading this and thinking OP has been intentionally selfish and unneighbourly, is finding her behaviour offensive.

FangsForTheMemory · 01/02/2023 14:01

They’re being far more unreasonable than you are. You don’t live your life for their convenience.

takealettermsjones · 01/02/2023 14:01

PartyTips · 01/02/2023 13:57

Well, forgive me for stating the bloody obvious but the difference would be that, in one scenario you are otherwise occupied and cannot reasonably answer the door and in the other scenario, you’re perfectly capable of answering but chose not to bother. That would be the big difference.

Imagine if you’re walking down the street and someone behind you falls and shouts after you for help. In one scenario you’re wearing headphones and don’t hear them - you’re not an arsehole. In the other, you hear them but can’t be bothered to help them (which is your right) so you walk off - you’re an arsehole. Either way, you didn’t help them, but only one situation has you acting unreasonably.

Another example. You live in a flat above another flat. Your bath draining leaks into the flat below. In one scenario, you don’t know it’s leaking and you accidentally flood the neighbour’s flat. In the other scenario, you see the water leaking through the floor but continue draining the bath into their flat. You’re only an arsehole in one of these situations.

When you do something by accident it’s not the same as choosing to do it even when the impact on someone else is the same outcome. Obviously.

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The OP didn't know it was an emergency though. So she's closer to the headphoned person, isn't she? She chose not to take the headphones out to see what the person was saying, but she didn't know the person needed help.

Theblacksheepandme · 01/02/2023 14:02

@BumpySkull
When we found a bomb, the police had to evacuate the house adjoining ours. It could’ve exploded and killed someone. Imagine just ignoring that! But I’m sure that OP would find a way it was the police’s fault if she got killed or injured.

You're not Irish by any chance. I'm in Ireland and that is like a joke Brendan Grace would have used in his stand up. Don't go complaining if you were killed in an explosion.

ScarlettSunset · 01/02/2023 14:02

I just don't get the not answering the door thing. My next door neighbour was like that, which wouldn't usually bother me, but once a delivery driver posted an item I needed urgently through their door by mistake. I knew they were indoors as I could hear them. I ended up having to wait around just to catch them when they were going out.
Not answering the door just seems ridiculous

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 14:02

takealettermsjones · 01/02/2023 13:57

Sorry haven't RTFT. I don't answer my door if I don't want to. Same with my phone. I will ignore calls if I'm busy or just don't have the headspace to chat. I don't like the idea that we have to be constantly available to whoever might want our attention.

That doesn't mean I never answer the door. I do if I'm not busy etc. But there are some times/circumstances in which I'll never answer it. Home alone and it's past dark? No thanks. Getting baby to sleep? Nope. Halloween? Hell no. 😆

Ah well hopefully if you have an emergency and need help from a neighbour they will have the "head space" to help you, if not oh well what will be will be.

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 14:03

I don't answer my door, anyone I would want to speak to would text me to let me know they were coming

My home and my time

PartyTips · 01/02/2023 14:03

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 14:01

I don’t think they’re “offended”, I think they’re pissed off by OP being intentionally selfish and unneighbourly.

Pissed off means basically the same thing as offended. And reading this and thinking OP has been intentionally selfish and unneighbourly, is finding her behaviour offensive.

Except they mean different things…