Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

[Scrumbler]

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually.

Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it.
Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was.
He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in.
I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door.

I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened.
To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

If I’m not expecting anyone I won’t always answer the door, usually I’m busy or relaxing. I have a ring doorbell and would check to see who’s there. Same with my phone I don’t always answer calls.

Great, that's all good then!

I wonder how many people thought they would never need any help in life, so don't help others and then need it?

Just imagine the need for someone to call an ambulance for you and they just ignore your knocks.

But obviously that would never happen to you, until it does.

I have done those things, and I don't see it that way. I think it's a kind thing to do to tell someone their lights are on etc. I would also think someone doing that for me was kind to do so, I'm not sitting there cursing them for daring to knock on my door. But I understand that my choosing to not answer in certain circumstances might result in not being warned about things like that, and that's my risk to take. If I've decided that not answering the door is more important in that moment, then that's on me, and I have to cope with the drained battery or whatever it is. If that makes sense!

What about helpful knocks?

• You've left your car lights on/your car window is open/looks like you've got a flat
• Your pet has got out
• Your bin is rolling down the road

etc etc

If a visitor is unwanted, surely you just say "sorry, I'm busy right now" and close the door.

I think it was likely to be fairly obvious it wasn’t a cold caller or Amazon if they ‘banged a few times’. It must have sounded different from a normal caller and much more urgent.

YABU.

I'm in the minority here but I don't answer my door unless I'm expecting someone, (or its a neighbour I've seen through the window). People will ill intentions can get all sorts of useful info from a quick peek into your hall and a brief exchange.

I don't think the non-answerers would knock on someone else's door to alert them to something.

The anxious ones would likely be too scared to do so. And the rabid individualists are unlikely to have the kind of community spirit required.

In most cases, I think it's an extremely individualistic mindset. "I'm alright Jack." It'd be interesting to know whether this sort of mentality has increased since e.g. Thatcher.

That’s a level of fear and anxiety that’s very concerning. Unless you’ve a Picasso hanging in the hall then for most folks the answer is of course they can’t.

@Daisymaker , @JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers and all others who are fine with OP’s behaviour: I really would appreciate your thinking on this. Police and self defence experts teach that when alone and threatened we should do exactly as thus neighbour and mum did - OP characterised the knocking as repeated banging. If you, your DD or someone else you loved approached a house feeling threatened and got no response from someone inside (perhaps a curtain twitched, or you saw someone) how would you feel? What would you think?

Also, you can’t blame them for being oissed at you. Most people when they are frightened/ upset/ hurt want to know others will help them. You ignored an urgent and repeated knock at the door. For no reason.

Bit of a nasty post.

Personally, I think your neighbours were out of order. You explained that you don’t answer the door because of cold callers (pretty common - I’m the same), that you didn’t know it was them, and that naturally you’d have helped if you’d known. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. Had you said “sorry, it’s not MY problem if your child has an accident,” well, that would be different.

I don't know why you've got the impression that I don't help others (or quite why you're so angry with me) but ok.

How do so many people not know anyone that doesn’t answer their doors? A lot of elderly people don’t answer the door- during Covid the police here were telling people to drop notes in etc to check on people. On Halloween night we know the houses not to go to because the people there never answer the door the rest of the year so definitely won’t on Halloween. It’s the same in my mum and mil’s area

I think it’s very odd not to answer your door. I can see why the neighbours think it’s off. Surely their banging suggested it was an emergency, no?

Have you really never needed to contact someone by knocking on their door without giving them notice? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve knocked on someone’s door to tell them that there’s rain going through the upstairs window they left open or that the rain is getting the laundry on their balcony wet or that their car lights are left on or that there’s a parcel dumped on their porch that’s likely to get stolen.

No, because I wouldn't bother letting them know about that stuff anyway.

@JoonT may I ask you the question I posted just above? OP said someone was banging on her door. I would presume this is a potential alert or emergency

I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered

But how could you possibly know if it was an emergency or not if you don't answer...

I think I'm not going to be opening my front door , people don't have a right for me to open it to them, I, however, have a right to decided what I am going to do in my own home

I've been in this situation after being mugged. It was a few yrs pre-mobile phones (and even if I'd had a phone it would have been taken). I knocked several houses for help. Most ignored me despite there obviously being people at home.

Answering your door has other benefits than the ones already identified. If you are plagued by evangelical religious people, answering the door give you the opportunity to tell them you’re not interested, and ask them not to call again. After which, they don’t! Thereby reducing the number of unwanted callers significantly.

You also demonstrate that someone is at home. People wishing to burgle properties will often knock to scope out when and where homes are empty. I would rather answer an unwanted knock than give people with a nefarious plan the idea that my home is often empty, and risk a burglary attempt when we are actually here.

The last unexpected knock at my door was a delivery driver with flowers for me, sent by a friend who knew I needed cheering up as a surprise. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on that, and I wouldn’t have wanted her to think I hadn’t thanked her for such a kind gesture.

The time before that, our neighbours were telling us they were going away, so we could let them know if there was anything untoward at theirs while they were gone. Having this info would have meant we could foil a burglary if one was attempted.

It’s very sad that people want to cut themselves off from the world, and their communities, and yet still lament things like people dying in their homes, and their bodies not being discovered for months.

Says everything, doesn't it?

I'm alright Jack.

Your neighbours need to calm down, although they are probably blaming themselves for delaying getting treatment for their kid as you might not have been in anyway, or had no charge on your phone etc. They are probably feeling quite embarrassed by now!

The neighbors being unreasonable but at same point why wouldn't you answer the door that's a bit strange.

This.

The police also recommend you don't answer the door if you're not sure who it is!!!