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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask school to replace shoes

321 replies

NCshoess · 31/01/2023 17:25

4 year old ds is in reception, he got shoes for Christmas that he loves and has been wearing them every day. they are light up superhero shoes which is allowed, many kids have them.

Friday he comes home crying in his gym shoes saying he was kicking his feet to make the shoes flash so the teacher took them away. I was going to ask about it yesterday but my sister picked him up.

Today I asked his teacher she said she took them away, but then looking in the classroom she can't find them. I asked where they were and she said they might turn up.

am I being unreasonable to ask them to replace his shoes if they can't find them...these were shoes he was asking for for ages, was so happy when he got them for Christmas and has been crying about having them taken away. I can't afford to buy him new ones atm...I understand taking them away for the day but not to give them back and then lose them is too far.

OP posts:
Girlgift97 · 31/01/2023 19:15

GoodChat · 31/01/2023 19:04

I'm not a parent, but if someone owes me money and I have exhausted all other options, I will sue them no matter who they are.

Teachers everywhere have just breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Brilliant response!

Sorted2856 · 31/01/2023 19:15

goodchatHis shoes were flashing and distracting the other children.

really? The OP doesn’t say that. Reception kids have all manner of annoying habits. Mainly because they are 4 and 5. There is normally a behavioural policy with warnings/escalation. Being sent to the head would definitely feature before confiscating essential items of clothing at my child’s school.

ButtonMoonLoon · 31/01/2023 19:20

We’re they labelled?
That will make it easier for them to make their way back to your son’s classroom but I would ask to have a root around lost property if not.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/01/2023 19:20

@NewFriday Flashing shoes have been around for yonks. Everyone was wearing them to school when I was 4, and now working as a TA, loads of kids do still wear them. I get that some teachers probably do find them a pain in the backside but if they are that much of a problem maybe schools should start banning them.

WombatChocolate · 31/01/2023 19:24

It’s best not to be aggressive or critical too soon.

It will be best to ask for the shoes to be returned. Initially don’t focus on teacher having lost them or cost of them, simply reiterate that the teacher took the shoes (which you’re fine with if he was messing about) and now you’d like them back.

The wording used by the teacher of ‘they might turn up’ wasn’t helpful. Quite often when this kind of thing happens, it’s best not to get hung up on it or make a big thing about it immediately. Simply calmly state you’d like his shoes back that school took away. A few pages back I wrote a possible wording for an email. It’s not aggressive, it doesn’t blame; it simply asks for the shoes to be returned and for confirmation they will be. If the teacher isn’t able to do that, she will then need to think about what what she will say to you or do. An email shows you are serious about it. The teacher has a chance to find the shoes and get them back to you. If that happens, everyone can just move on and no-one is accused of doing anything wrong, and the rest of the year can proceed with everyone on good terms. If the teacher can’t find the shoes, she will have to think about how to reply, explain it and next steps. If you’re not satisfied, you can escalate it and repeat the same message to the Head by email.

Honestly, things are more likely to be resolved smoothly via this approach than accusing the school of losing his shoes or demanding money.

I would email, rather than asking again, when the teacher is busy and doing other stuff. An email gives her a chance to see you’re serious about having them back, and gives her time to look for them before either replying or speaking to you.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/01/2023 19:25

@TheNoodlesIncident

Flashing shoes have been popular in primary schools for years.

FirstFallopians · 31/01/2023 19:30

I find it quite hard to be objective on this one as my pre-schooler has a similar pair of obnoxious, flashing shoes that he adores. He’d be gutted if they were taken in the circumstances OP outlines.

Slightly unfair that some posters are saying they were unsuitable for pre-school. DS is at a pre-prep and their only stipulation for footwear is that it’s sturdy and the child can put them on and take them off independently.

EndlessReno · 31/01/2023 19:33

Absolutely ridiculous that totally inappropriate shoes were allowed in the first place, but apparently they were. In which case they of course need to be returned or replaced.

This incident is exactly why the vast majority of school uniform policies ban shoes like this, if he had been in normal black school shoes he wouldn’t have been causing a distraction and had to take them off. I’m astounded that they were permitted in school.

Its happened now so you need to deal with the consequences and ask school to replace them but frankly I think you should send him in proper school shes and keep novelty ones for home.

Are you being 100% honest about the reason he changed shoes? It wasn’t because he shouldn’t have been wearing novelty light up shoes to school in the first place? Of course that doesn’t change the fact they should have been returned but you vastly reduce the chances of property being lost if it’s appropriate clothing in line with the uniform policy and so is allowed to stay on the child…

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 19:35

So many ‘school shoes’ have lights in them- Clarke’s for a start. Hard to avoid sometimes. Parents don’t adhere to rules anymore. We have a water only policy but parents send squash in. We have a fruit only snack policy but parents send peperami in!🤔

MadameDe · 31/01/2023 19:40

Message to learn from this: never send a child in to school with anything they love / care about. This includes shoes, designer coats, favourite presents and jewellery. My standard response is that anything expensive is removed at the door and put into book bags. Sorry for not supporting but this is the reason for uniform and no way would I take responsibility for a 4 yo's stuff.

Sonnyavon · 31/01/2023 19:41

I would be straight up the school. We had ours bag went missing, eventually found in a teachers cupboard. These things arent cheap!

Princesspollyyy · 31/01/2023 19:43

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 19:35

So many ‘school shoes’ have lights in them- Clarke’s for a start. Hard to avoid sometimes. Parents don’t adhere to rules anymore. We have a water only policy but parents send squash in. We have a fruit only snack policy but parents send peperami in!🤔

Better to drink sugar free squash than not drink all day because water isn't enjoyed.

ortonym · 31/01/2023 19:43

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 19:35

So many ‘school shoes’ have lights in them- Clarke’s for a start. Hard to avoid sometimes. Parents don’t adhere to rules anymore. We have a water only policy but parents send squash in. We have a fruit only snack policy but parents send peperami in!🤔

But if the shoes are "allowed", how is OP contravening any rules?

FrangipaniBlue · 31/01/2023 19:45

Given it was over the weekend I'll bet good money the cleaner has put them in the lost property box

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/01/2023 19:46

MadameDe · 31/01/2023 19:40

Message to learn from this: never send a child in to school with anything they love / care about. This includes shoes, designer coats, favourite presents and jewellery. My standard response is that anything expensive is removed at the door and put into book bags. Sorry for not supporting but this is the reason for uniform and no way would I take responsibility for a 4 yo's stuff.

Even if you took them (and didn't put them in a bookbag etc) and subsequently lost them? Still not your responsibility?

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 31/01/2023 19:49

Ridiculously unhelpful response from the teacher, she was probably inwardly kicking herself that having confiscated them, she should then have at least put them in a safe space where they could be found. I would speak to the head, if they can't be found then it's up to the school to reimburse you.

ortonym · 31/01/2023 19:49

MadameDe · 31/01/2023 19:40

Message to learn from this: never send a child in to school with anything they love / care about. This includes shoes, designer coats, favourite presents and jewellery. My standard response is that anything expensive is removed at the door and put into book bags. Sorry for not supporting but this is the reason for uniform and no way would I take responsibility for a 4 yo's stuff.

The teacher took responsibility for the shoes when she took them away.

Humptydumptyfellapart · 31/01/2023 19:55

NewFriday · 31/01/2023 17:53

I'm at these responses. I'd say it's a risk you taken if yiu send flashing shoes into school. I'd imagine another child took a shine to the confiscated shoes.

Best not go out in a short skirt or low cut top, ya know. Just incase you invite sexual assault. Absolutely ridiculous comment.

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 20:01

Sugar free squash is full of sweeteners. Kids will drink water when that’s all that’s on offer.

Chiasmi · 31/01/2023 20:03

Presuming they were labelled they should turn up.

We have lost dozens of things over the years. They can take a while to come back - if they're in someone else's PE bag it can take a week or two for them to come to light - but they mostly do in the end. I wouldn't panic yet, it should be sorted by an email to parents and time. As long as you labelled them well.

mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 20:13

YABU for sending him to school with flashing schools. Of course they are distracting and very annoying for the poor teacher trying hold the attention of 30 4year olds all day. Do you expect him to learn there?

I suspect the HT will be banning them forthwith.

She should have put them somewhere safe though, sorry they are missing. Little kids stuff gets lost quite often. Send him in something less precious next time.

Are they even the type you can switch off?

Verbena17 · 31/01/2023 20:16

She’s actually stolen your DS’s shoes!

Bless him - why is she even teaching reception children?
She should either be able to explain to him why she wants him to stop kicking his feet under the table or realise he might be doing it for comfort and work out why.

Get yourself to the school office tomorrow morning and demand they either find the shoes by close of play tomorrow or they refund you the full price so you can replace them.

If a child in her class was picking their polo shirt - would she make them take it off? Very odd and unacceptable behaviour from the teacher.

Verbena17 · 31/01/2023 20:17

mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 20:13

YABU for sending him to school with flashing schools. Of course they are distracting and very annoying for the poor teacher trying hold the attention of 30 4year olds all day. Do you expect him to learn there?

I suspect the HT will be banning them forthwith.

She should have put them somewhere safe though, sorry they are missing. Little kids stuff gets lost quite often. Send him in something less precious next time.

Are they even the type you can switch off?

He didn’t get them lost though - she actually removed them and took an item of his clothing away.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/01/2023 20:17

@MadameDe

But you take responsibility for something the moment you confiscate it. It may not be something precious but it may be something expensive. If her son wasn't particularly attached to his flashing shoes, OP would still be out of pocket and need to buy more shoes if they didn't turn up. In which case, the school should pay.

Princesspollyyy · 31/01/2023 20:18

mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 20:13

YABU for sending him to school with flashing schools. Of course they are distracting and very annoying for the poor teacher trying hold the attention of 30 4year olds all day. Do you expect him to learn there?

I suspect the HT will be banning them forthwith.

She should have put them somewhere safe though, sorry they are missing. Little kids stuff gets lost quite often. Send him in something less precious next time.

Are they even the type you can switch off?

Little kids stuff getting lost often and the teacher taking the shoes and then losing them are two completely different things.

The fact that the shoes are not suitable because they are distracting is not the issue or what the OP started the post about.

Essentially she has spent money on these school shoes and the teacher has taken them from the child and now lost them.

That's the issue.