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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask school to replace shoes

321 replies

NCshoess · 31/01/2023 17:25

4 year old ds is in reception, he got shoes for Christmas that he loves and has been wearing them every day. they are light up superhero shoes which is allowed, many kids have them.

Friday he comes home crying in his gym shoes saying he was kicking his feet to make the shoes flash so the teacher took them away. I was going to ask about it yesterday but my sister picked him up.

Today I asked his teacher she said she took them away, but then looking in the classroom she can't find them. I asked where they were and she said they might turn up.

am I being unreasonable to ask them to replace his shoes if they can't find them...these were shoes he was asking for for ages, was so happy when he got them for Christmas and has been crying about having them taken away. I can't afford to buy him new ones atm...I understand taking them away for the day but not to give them back and then lose them is too far.

OP posts:
Pinkypurplecloud · 31/01/2023 18:10

DangerNoodles · 31/01/2023 17:59

Bored kids in plain shoes stamp thier feet, what would she have done in that situation? Removing a child's clothing, even swapping for another pair, is not appropriate.

My son stims, it used to involve foot stomping but not so much now. I would have been pissed if the teacher had taken his shoes without consulting me first.

One of mine stims due to disability in fairly annoying ways - there’s a difference between accommodating a special need, and allowing a presumably NT child to be repeatedly disruptive because they’re “bored” (or just enjoy their inappropriate flashing shoes). Part of school life is learning to be bored quietly and without bothering others. I’d expect a teacher to pull up my NT child for stamping feet repeatedly, and would fully support shoe swapping, removal from the situation/sitting out, telling off etc. What kind of low behaviour expectations do you have?!

“Removing clothing” - it’s swapping shoes not stripping him to his underpants.

parsniiips · 31/01/2023 18:10

If they haven't turned up within a day I would send the school business manager and the teacher an email with the link for the shoes and the size and ask that they are replaced ASAP one way or another.
It isn't acceptable to confiscate a small child's SHOES and then lose them.

feelingcadoubleledlove · 31/01/2023 18:10

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss only your complete overreaction

MeghanThyStallion · 31/01/2023 18:12

YANBU. It would be different if he'd taken them off and lost them but he didn't. The teacher confiscated them and lost them.

MelchiorsMistress · 31/01/2023 18:14

I pretty much always try to give school staff the benefit of the doubt and I agree that isn’t good enough.

If the teacher thought the shoes were being too distracting to a child then I’d completely support her choice to remove them, but she should have been responsible enough to ensure they were given back at the end of the day. If I’d lost a child’s shoes I’d be trying to force the money for them onto the parent and begging for forgiveness!

ittakes2 · 31/01/2023 18:14

I think school should replace if lost but I must admit that it was prob not a good idea to send a kid to school in flashing shoes as he and others would be distracted by them. It has crossed my mind the teacher has ‘deliberately’ lost them to avoid them being worn again?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 31/01/2023 18:14

feelingcadoubleledlove · 31/01/2023 18:10

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss only your complete overreaction

It's a perfectly reasonable next step. If the shoes can't be returned or replaced, OP is out of pocket by the value of the shoes - therefore entitled to take appropriate legal recourse for reimbursement.

If you are wealthy enough to write off the cost of a pair of shoes because a teacher has been careless, that's lovely for you - but that doesn't mean everyone has to allow their money to be thrown away, just because you have no qualms about doing so.

Macaroni46 · 31/01/2023 18:16

MelchiorsMistress · 31/01/2023 18:14

I pretty much always try to give school staff the benefit of the doubt and I agree that isn’t good enough.

If the teacher thought the shoes were being too distracting to a child then I’d completely support her choice to remove them, but she should have been responsible enough to ensure they were given back at the end of the day. If I’d lost a child’s shoes I’d be trying to force the money for them onto the parent and begging for forgiveness!

Exactly this.
Going forwards, I wouldn't buy flashing shoes for school. Very distracting for your DC and the other pupils.

bellswithwhistles · 31/01/2023 18:18

WombatChocolate · 31/01/2023 17:40

Best thing would be to email (so it’s in writing) and consider copying in the Head.

Dont make a big thing about it, but push them to find the shoes and to consider that it was they who took them away, if you’re sure that was the case.

’Dear Miss X
I am just following up on our conversation about Y’s shoes. I understand that you confiscated them on Friday following his silly behaviour. We quite understand that and have spoken to him about it. However, we were concerned that we weren’t able to get them back today when I came to school. They were new at Christmas and expensive and we need Y to keep wearing them for the rest of the year. Please could I ask you to arrange for him to have his shoes back tomorrow. I’d be very grateful if you’re able to confirm that will happen.

Thanks v much’

This doesn’t raise the issue if school paying for them. There is no need. You just need to make clear an expectation that they are returned. If the school is unable to do this, they will have to acknowledge it and then address that issue.

I’d imagine the shoes will be returned.

If the teacher tells you they have been lost, I would certainly involve the Head. I wouldn’t ask for money but I would ask the school what they are going to do about the fact they confiscated the shoes and can’t now return them. Put the ball in their court.

Good luck. I’d imagine you’ll have them back speedily.

This ^^^

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 18:21

If they can’t find them they will replace them. That’s what would happen at my school.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/01/2023 18:21

NewFriday · 31/01/2023 17:59

Not flashy, flashing and not the child's fault, the parent's. It doesn't take a genius to realise they're going to be quite a distraction in class.

Show quote history

I don't disagree they would be very distracting.

Your post insinuated that "is it any wonder they were taken" as if its the OPs or her sons fault they were taken.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2023 18:25

Yes. Under the circumstances the school should replace the shoes. Where are they. I agree they are not lost or stolen.

ThrallsWife · 31/01/2023 18:26

Have you looked at the school's uniform policy? That should inform your next step.

I work in secondary and we have to confiscate items which are a) against uniform standards or b) being a distraction. Policy says to hand the item to a senior leader, although, often, no one will turn up, so I have to wait until a break/ lunch without duty to hand it to reception with the Great Big Safe myself.

I have, on occasion, had kids rummage through my drawers where I store these items until I get the 5min to track down to reception.

The question is whether the teacher kept the items in a non-accessible place, e.g. their desk. If they did, liability is dimnished. If they kept the shoes on the side of the room, chances are a kid has taken them, especially if said shoes are popular.

So, was the teacher careless? If yes, raise it with higher up (and their policies if need be). If not, go back, be more firm and set a deadline.

In the future, never send a kid to school with anything valuable as chances are, it will get lost or stolen. I learned this the hard way when one of mine went to nursery and early years. All cheap and old stuff since, and I keep everything nice for home time.

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 18:26

They could be in another child’s bag or PE bag or been picked up with dress up clothes. Honestly, the amount of lost uniforms and shoes we find on a daily basis would surprise you. I’m sure they’ll turn up.

NewFriday · 31/01/2023 18:27

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/01/2023 18:21

I don't disagree they would be very distracting.

Your post insinuated that "is it any wonder they were taken" as if its the OPs or her sons fault they were taken.

Show quote history

That's not what I said at all. But if they have been taken that's not the teacher's fault either.

Tempone · 31/01/2023 18:28

This is so bizarre was he barefoot going home?
I have never ever heard of a teacher confiscating an item of clothing before

GoodChat · 31/01/2023 18:28

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 31/01/2023 18:04

Take the school to the small claims court for the cost of the shoes if you have no luck getting them returned or replaced.

It wouldn't be worth it for the sake of a pair of shoes.

NewFriday · 31/01/2023 18:28

Tempone · 31/01/2023 18:28

This is so bizarre was he barefoot going home?
I have never ever heard of a teacher confiscating an item of clothing before

OP clearly says he went home in his gym shoes

Princesspollyyy · 31/01/2023 18:29

Tempone · 31/01/2023 18:28

This is so bizarre was he barefoot going home?
I have never ever heard of a teacher confiscating an item of clothing before

Maybe read the opening thread again.

Princesspollyyy · 31/01/2023 18:29

Benjispruce4 · 31/01/2023 18:26

They could be in another child’s bag or PE bag or been picked up with dress up clothes. Honestly, the amount of lost uniforms and shoes we find on a daily basis would surprise you. I’m sure they’ll turn up.

That's not acceptable at all and such a blase attitude.

ortonym · 31/01/2023 18:30

NewFriday · 31/01/2023 18:27

That's not what I said at all. But if they have been taken that's not the teacher's fault either.

Show quote history

O yes it is! The teacher should have left them in a secure place.

Princesspollyyy · 31/01/2023 18:30

ThrallsWife · 31/01/2023 18:26

Have you looked at the school's uniform policy? That should inform your next step.

I work in secondary and we have to confiscate items which are a) against uniform standards or b) being a distraction. Policy says to hand the item to a senior leader, although, often, no one will turn up, so I have to wait until a break/ lunch without duty to hand it to reception with the Great Big Safe myself.

I have, on occasion, had kids rummage through my drawers where I store these items until I get the 5min to track down to reception.

The question is whether the teacher kept the items in a non-accessible place, e.g. their desk. If they did, liability is dimnished. If they kept the shoes on the side of the room, chances are a kid has taken them, especially if said shoes are popular.

So, was the teacher careless? If yes, raise it with higher up (and their policies if need be). If not, go back, be more firm and set a deadline.

In the future, never send a kid to school with anything valuable as chances are, it will get lost or stolen. I learned this the hard way when one of mine went to nursery and early years. All cheap and old stuff since, and I keep everything nice for home time.

What a ridiculous comment. It's a pair of shoes, not a Rolex watch.

SeeYouNextTLol · 31/01/2023 18:31

Everyone missing the point that there is tea leaf in reception 🤣

Ihatepcos · 31/01/2023 18:31

They absolutely need to replace them and ASAP

ortonym · 31/01/2023 18:32

SeeYouNextTLol · 31/01/2023 18:31

Everyone missing the point that there is tea leaf in reception 🤣

Quite possibly. But they shouldn't be able to access confiscated stuff.