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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to feel emotional about parents offer?

95 replies

Mumofgirls89 · 30/01/2023 22:12

My mum messaged today and mentioned a discussion my dad instigated about providing money for my daughters school dinners every week. She mentioned it would be done for every grandchild but at the moment my daughter is the only one in high school. We had a conversation about how expensive the school dinners were and that she wanted to have them all the time. She has just started a new school and is trying to stay with her friend as much as possible across the day including queueing!
I instantly felt emotional, I wanted to refuse because its not their job. Its not about me and my pride, they want to do something nice for their granddaughter and I'm sure they talked about it before hand.
My parents have been pretty good to my children.
I have received nothing from my eldest daughters biological dad even from a child maintenance collect and pay case, the money my parents are offering is more than legally required by their bio-dad...how sad is that?!
What's the best thing you're parents have done as grandparents?

OP posts:
LilLilLi · 30/01/2023 22:13

What lovely parents you have, I’m sure you would do the same for your daughter in future if you were able to x

Newnamefor2021 · 30/01/2023 22:22

How lovely. My parents have always been very hands-on like that. My mum bought to be a MacBook pro today became. My current (now old) one was dying.

Willowwallow · 30/01/2023 22:26

That’s lovely! My mil knows we are struggling at the moment and we have had to pay for a trip for our eldest. She phoned her at the weekend to say she’s going to give her some spending money. Made our dd1 cry. She’s very generous with our dc.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/01/2023 22:31

thats so sweet OP- sadly my parents died long before I had children but I imagine they would have been doting grandparents.
I witness both great and shit grandparents around family and friends- your parents sound lovely.

Tothemoonandbackx · 30/01/2023 22:33

My mum will think nothing of looking after my DD if an opportunity comes up for me to pick up some extra hours at work (not very often, but always last minute) she lives next door so it's an extra bonus. My DD loves spending time with her and I'm incredibly lucky that she when I ask, she always says yes X

ASimpleLobsterHat · 30/01/2023 22:37

That's very kind of your parents OP. My parents are similar, the kindest being when they gave us a sum of money a few months after DC1 was born so that I didn't have to end maternity leave early.

Smoky1107 · 30/01/2023 22:39

My parents always bought my children Clarks shoes. Such a kind gesture. Now they slip little bits of money into their banks for treats

Bryonny84 · 30/01/2023 22:47

Your parents sound lovely and caring. If they want to help then let them and don't feel too proud to accept their loving help. You're their family, they love you and that's worth having.

caringcarer · 30/01/2023 22:54

My DM&D bought me my first car, paid for my wedding, gave me deposit for first house, and when my DC arrived set them up savings accounts. DM also looked after eldest 2 DC whilst I worked. That made a huge difference to our finances. We moved away with DH work. When third DC was born I was really ill. DM came and stayed for almost a month cooking, cleaning, food shopping, laundry and taking children to and fro school until I was well again. Always sent DC holiday spending money and also parents paid for their swimming lessons. When I lived close to them my parents would often offer to take them out over half term and do baking with them. My children all adored their grandparents. My exh parents no help whatsoever. Children did not even receive a birthday card from them. My second husband's parents have been wonderful to my children though. Inviting them for a week every summer as they live on coast very close to lovely beach. Taking youngest child out and about to parks and zoos. New in-laws also came on holiday with us for several years and often told DH and I we should go out on our own a couple of times each week while they babysat in evenings. New Fil also spent hours in workshop with my youngest making me bird feeders, flower planting boxes etc and painting them for birthday gifts. Sadly both my parents and FiL now passed away only Mil left. I try hard to be a good Nanny to my dgc now. I just wish I lived nearer as when dgc got bad cold or something and could not go to nursery I went down for a couple of days each time so DD and Sil could still work. I also helped pay nursery fees as so expensive and I feel a bit guilty as I know I had a lot of hp from my Mum when my DC were small.

NannyGythaOgg · 30/01/2023 22:57

My (childless) sister does this kind of thing for my (adult) children, They don't and haven't called on it directly, but a few (random) donations have made all the difference. But I think that knowing there is a safety net ensures they don't panic unnecessarily and manage according to what is likely to happen without catastrophising

AnnaBegins · 30/01/2023 22:59

Aw that's lovely! MIL has always bought all her grandchildren's shoes, because her mother did ❤️

LouLou198 · 30/01/2023 23:05

Wow that's a lovely gesture!
School dinners at high school are expensive.

UsingChangeofName · 30/01/2023 23:07

That's lovely, and I suspect a lot more typical than you think.
My Mum used to press a tenner into my hand here and there, or leap in to pay if she was with me when we did a shop or something.
My Dad would always insist on paying if we went for a meal or anything and he was there.
They were on a very tight budget when we were all little, and really enjoyed being able to treat us / the grandchildren to things once they were older........ it is almost a sort of "making up for what we'd like to have been able to have got you but weren't able to afford then, but we can now" thing. I 'get it' totally, as am the same with my grown up dc. We have far more money now than we did when they were small (as I think is typical for most families) so it is nice to be able to treat them to things they might struggle to afford themselves.
If it reassures you, it genuinely gives us pleasure Smile

StillMedusa · 30/01/2023 23:09

It's what we do as Grandparents if we can Smile
We aren't rich, but we try to help out in as many ways as we can.. I went part time at work after my grandson a few days a week to help with child care, and my favourite 'extra' is to buy all his little shoes and boots.. they are so expensive and every little helps.
Once he's old enough I hope I can pay for a sport/music lessons or similar.

Dh helps with all their DIY and anything that needs his skills..because he can.

Honestly, being a Grandparent is such a joy and such a privilege, wanting to help out in any way is just natural!

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 30/01/2023 23:17

I love this post! That’s really sweet of your parents and you should definitely accept it.
My parents are/were also amazing and have done so much for me and my children. From buying me a car when I had my first child to telling me that the thing that they are most proud of is the mum that I am. My children grew up knowing that Nan & Grandads house was were they went to get spoilt with love, my parents could never do enough for my children. My dad passed away and these little (and big) memories are so precious.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 30/01/2023 23:20

StillMedusa · 30/01/2023 23:09

It's what we do as Grandparents if we can Smile
We aren't rich, but we try to help out in as many ways as we can.. I went part time at work after my grandson a few days a week to help with child care, and my favourite 'extra' is to buy all his little shoes and boots.. they are so expensive and every little helps.
Once he's old enough I hope I can pay for a sport/music lessons or similar.

Dh helps with all their DIY and anything that needs his skills..because he can.

Honestly, being a Grandparent is such a joy and such a privilege, wanting to help out in any way is just natural!

You sound lovely but you don’t give yourself enough credit. Not all grandparents give up their time or money for their grandkids. I bet these “little” things you do mean the world to your family ❤️

ReindeerBelieve · 30/01/2023 23:25

OP I think that is so thoughtful and kind of your lovely parents and will be much appreciated by your DC and subsequent grandchildren.

My lovely Dad is DS only Grandparent and has always been very generous with tine and thoughtful gifts like the first bicycle at 41/2 - wrapped up in a huge sheet with a big red bow on it , the grown up bike for 9th birthday (theme here) , the AirPods for Christmas - had no idea what they were ,but went out and sorted . Always asking after DS on each days phone calls and keeping abreast of Rugby matches etc

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/01/2023 23:33

I love this thread because I love seeing families with active GP's.

My parents have both passed away, my dad when I was a child myself and my mum when my DS1 was tiny.

DH's parents do absolutely nothing for us. I can count one hand the number of times they've actually seen DGC

2018SoFarSoGreat · 30/01/2023 23:42

My DH and I both feel blessed to have our DGCS's, and happily pay for all summer camps, swim lessons, uniforms. We also pay for their little family to vacation with us every other year or so, and are delighted to get to spend time with them, while letting them get on with the bits they want to do without us. We have also bought car(s) for parents - used, not new - and car seats, strollers etc. The big expenses, so that they can focus on the day to day. It is a privilege, and we are thrilled we are able to do this.

Neither of us had grandparents locally (mine) or willing to help out (DH's) so we are committed to being active and making life as much easier as we can for our DC and DGC's.

Mammyloveswine · 30/01/2023 23:48

Op that's lovely, my mam especially doted on my children and always insisted on treating them/paying for things.

Accept the offer and thank your parents, don't overthink it.

Flowers
Karmakamelion · 31/01/2023 00:02

My mum travelled a long distance to watch my son's nativity play as my daughter had chicken pox so I couldn't go. So he would have someone watching him.

HalfSiblingsMadeContact · 31/01/2023 00:06

A few years ago when we were ready to scrap our car, my FIL transferred us some money towards its replacement, said he'd put it aside for that some time before.
Years ago now, I remember taking a call from my mother on the hospital ward my daughter had been admitted to, and she asked "do I need to come over?". meaning, drop everything and fly here from Australia. After dealing with my instinctive "no need" reaction I realised that the correct answer was yes please; and that was when it really hit me how ill DD was. (she recovered fine in time)

MegsMon · 31/01/2023 00:06

We pay for nursery one day a week for our granddaughter because she's not old enough to qualify for free nursery yet to give her parents a breather day.

We also alternate sleepovers between 3 grandkids. The wee ones love staying and our own kids love the break, but more than anything we totally adore having them (even though they can be a handful!) and we're just really grateful to have them in our lives. They make life pretty interesting to say the least!

Mrsmch123 · 31/01/2023 00:09

my husbands grandparents were incredibly generous to us. They brought him up so treated him like their own. The bought us 2 cars and gave us a deposit for our house. Although probably the biggest gift from them was raising an amazing man who is one of the most hard working men I know who would go to the end of the earth for me and his child.

Champagneforeveryone · 31/01/2023 00:14

DS is an only child and grandchild and my DM idolises him (I was decidedly NOT the favourite child growing up so it's odd to watch)

She has always been very generous and I know he will inherit enough for a house deposit when he needs it or she dies. He is unaware of this as she doesn't make a song and dance about it (another uncharacteristic anomaly)

She also doesn't bat an eyelid at spoiling him, and spending money on things that would be out of our budget (a £200 cymbal for example) I know she would absolutely have stumped up for school dinners or similar if we were struggling.