Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to feel emotional about parents offer?

95 replies

Mumofgirls89 · 30/01/2023 22:12

My mum messaged today and mentioned a discussion my dad instigated about providing money for my daughters school dinners every week. She mentioned it would be done for every grandchild but at the moment my daughter is the only one in high school. We had a conversation about how expensive the school dinners were and that she wanted to have them all the time. She has just started a new school and is trying to stay with her friend as much as possible across the day including queueing!
I instantly felt emotional, I wanted to refuse because its not their job. Its not about me and my pride, they want to do something nice for their granddaughter and I'm sure they talked about it before hand.
My parents have been pretty good to my children.
I have received nothing from my eldest daughters biological dad even from a child maintenance collect and pay case, the money my parents are offering is more than legally required by their bio-dad...how sad is that?!
What's the best thing you're parents have done as grandparents?

OP posts:
Lampzade · 31/01/2023 10:16

Karmakamelion · 31/01/2023 00:02

My mum travelled a long distance to watch my son's nativity play as my daughter had chicken pox so I couldn't go. So he would have someone watching him.

That is lovely

AWaferThinMint · 31/01/2023 10:19

My mum gives them a bit of spending money each month and jumps at a chance to come stay and help even though she lives almost 2 hours away.

Lampzade · 31/01/2023 10:19

This thread is heartwarming.

Notjusta · 31/01/2023 10:21

What a lovely thread. I am also hugely lucky and grateful that my parents are fab GPs. My mum is also one who buys shoes for kids because it's what her granny did for her.

My mum has provided childcare for her grandchildren for years. Even though most of them are now teenagers, they still go over for tea once or twice a week after school. If mine ever moan about it, I remind them that we don't know how long they'll still be around for (hopefully ages yet, obviously) so to make the most of it.

My dad always gives them a bit of holiday money - if we're going abroad he likes to go to get euros for them. He also fishes out random bits of change from his pockets and 'sneaks' it to them. ❤

FilthyforFirth · 31/01/2023 10:23

I feel very lucky, my boys have a lot of grandparents who dote on them. From a poor begining (in case anyone does an AS on me!) my MIL is now brilliant. She looks after them all the time and is a gets down on the floor and plays type grandma.

My mum doesnt live close by so makes an extra effort to see them and has my eldest for a week in the summer. She is forever buying them little things she knows they like and they love seeing her.

My dad and stepmum live close by and are on hand for practical help. They are less get on the floor and play type and much more lets go out for the day type. Having a sleepover at theirs is very exciting!

I appreciate how lucky I am and plan to do the same when I have dgc.

FilthyforFirth · 31/01/2023 10:23

Oh and my mum always buys their coats. I have a 5 and 2 year old and not bought a single coat yet!

xogossipgirlxo · 31/01/2023 10:25

It's all yet to come, but when I told my parents I'm pregnant my mum said "finally! Because we have money and no one to spend them on" 😂

SquigglePigs · 31/01/2023 10:36

That is really kind of them. And well done you for not turning them down - it can be hard to accept help sometimes.

For me we're in the very fortunate position that money hasn't been much of a concern since DD was born but the best things my parents have done have been stepping in when we've really needed the help.

When DD was tiny she wasn't a great sleeper and would feed all night given half the chance. Due to historic back issues I never got on with co-sleeping and just letting her get on with it. One night when she was a couple of months old we were at theirs and the only place I could get comfy was on their reclining sofas. I knew it wasn't safe to fall asleep with her in my arms but I was desperate. So my dad sat awake all night on the other sofa to watch us to make sure I didn't drop her or smother her or anything. And brought me tea and toast when she woke to feed! He just said he could sleep when we went home. It was the best night's sleep I'd had in weeks.

They also came to stay when she had chicken pox and needed to be off nursery for a week. DH and I usually tag teamed her being ill but we both had big deadlines at work and they'd overheard us having a conversation about juggling and working very early/in to the evening so they stayed an extra few days to look after DD so we knew she was well cared for but could still work.

Newyearnewmeow · 31/01/2023 10:54

YouWithoutEnd · 31/01/2023 02:27

I’ve just found at age 36 and single that I’m heading very rapidly towards premature ovarian failure, and have very little time left to try and get pregnant via IVF with donor sperm.

My dad - bless his heart, has offered to pay for my fertility treatment so I can have a baby and he can have a grandchild.

This brought tears to my eyes. How lovely.
Best of luck with the IVF

ancientgran · 31/01/2023 11:00

As a grandmother who does similar stuff I think you need to remember that this stuff makes us happy so don't feel bad about it. I'd also say remember to pass it on if you can, my gran helped my mum a lot, my mum helped me and I'm helping mine. I feel like it is passing on the love and care I've had and I like to think of that going on into the future even when I'm not here to see it.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/01/2023 11:03

ancientgran · 31/01/2023 11:00

As a grandmother who does similar stuff I think you need to remember that this stuff makes us happy so don't feel bad about it. I'd also say remember to pass it on if you can, my gran helped my mum a lot, my mum helped me and I'm helping mine. I feel like it is passing on the love and care I've had and I like to think of that going on into the future even when I'm not here to see it.

Well said.

TotallyFloored · 31/01/2023 11:11

My life imploded just under two years ago - my parents and brother were an absolute godsend, in every possible way.

We have no contact with my kids dad, no maintenance - nothing at all. My family all went above and beyond to step up and try to keep my kids lives as normal and unaffected as possible. It has up-ended everyone's lives in a way no one saw coming and I can never thank my family enough.

Because of them, my kids are able to continue at the same school and continue with all their outside interests (which are very many), I can work to support them and they feel loved, secure and supported. They were able to help in a practical sense, from moving house and dealing with estate agents, solicitors, police etc... to being a shoulder to cry on.

I only hope I can be half as good a parent to my kids as my own are to me. And I hope they know I feel that way too.

FavouriteSlippers · 31/01/2023 11:14

Not in a monetary way but we have lots of support if needed with childcare. I can ring my retired df and ask him to foa school run, just have the kids whilst i have hair cut or anything and he'd say yes even if 20 min notice.

I laws are good too. When we have dsc, dh can't always have the week off. Im perfectly fine with this arrangement as his dsc. But ils often say ok xyz day in the holidays we'll take the older ones out for the day so i can do something with younger ones or visa versa.

If I'm invited out to lunch or anything they have youngest.

Literally have childcare on tap.

Marigoldandivy · 31/01/2023 11:14

That’s not only generous, but also really thoughtful.

Ssssssshhhhh · 31/01/2023 11:18

My father in law gives us £750 a month and will do so for the next 12 months to make sure I can spend the first year with my little baby. I would have had to go back very quickly if he had not done that. It made me cry with happiness. He is a very generous man.

bigbluebus · 31/01/2023 11:29

We were fortunate enough to not need any financial support from parents but I'm sure it would have been there if we'd needed it.
I have a friend whose sibling isn't able to provide anything above necessities for their children. DFriend makes sure they don't go without because she can.
We read lots of threads on MN about bad family relationships as people don't often write about the good ones.
I hope one day you'll be in a position to help out your DCs and DGC OP.

neverbeenskiing · 31/01/2023 11:54

My DP's have DS (4) overnight once a week so that my DD(9) who has Autism gets a few hours of undivided attention from both me and DH in a quiet house, and we all get a lie in. They have been doing this since he was about 18 months old. DS and DD both love this arrangement and DD doesn't miss out as she also has regular sleepovers there in the school holidays.

FusionChefGeoff · 31/01/2023 13:54

That's lovely!

My parents stepped in with childcare this weekend as I had an unexpected job (freelance) and DH was committed on a course.

The kids' schedule was HECTIC but they just took it all on, no moaning, dropping friends off, picking people up, standing in the rain at football..... all of it.

Then gave me a big cuddle when I got home and said how much they'd enjoyed it SmileSmile

Ringshanks · 31/01/2023 13:58

My much loved Nanna left me a little money . We spent it on a single roll of the dice for IVF and were successful. I feel she would have thought it well spent ❤️

SenecaFallsRedux · 31/01/2023 14:10

ancientgran · 31/01/2023 11:00

As a grandmother who does similar stuff I think you need to remember that this stuff makes us happy so don't feel bad about it. I'd also say remember to pass it on if you can, my gran helped my mum a lot, my mum helped me and I'm helping mine. I feel like it is passing on the love and care I've had and I like to think of that going on into the future even when I'm not here to see it.

This is so true. My parents were generous with our children and now that DH and I are grandparents, we help out where we can. One thing we do is pay for some of the extracurricular activities, like softball camp (I'm in the US) for our granddaughter.

WellTidy · 31/01/2023 14:15

My parents buy my DV winter coats every autumn. They always have. It’s not necessary, we could buy coats for them without it having an adverse impact on our finances. But my parents really really want to and I think it’s lovely.

Member869894 · 31/01/2023 14:19

An endless list. . My DM would send me a couplee of hundred pounds in September to buy school shoes, and money at Christmas and Easter. She would always visit laden with food for the freezer. When my dcs were young and i was a working single mum she wou drive three hours and mind them if they were sick so that I could work. I remember her once turning up on my doorstep at 8am so that I could work. She must have been pushing 75 then and had had driven down the motorway to help. She was my fiercest critic and my fiercest protector and I miss her. I was very lucky to have her

ProperPink · 31/01/2023 14:22

My grandparents did the same.

Left money in trust to my DC and said I could access it for "educational purposes including but not limited to school dinners, trips, uniform and other such educational expenses"

They knew my DC loves the school dinners (has a medical condition) so I pay for a years worth upfront from the trust.

steppemum · 31/01/2023 14:30

My parents have been great.
But one of my favourite things was during lockdown.

dd1 was in year 10. She was doing German. At parents evening just before first lockdown we were told that she really needs to work on vocabulary and how about we did some words every night.

Then lockdown. My mum speaks good German, and she arranged with dd1 that she will call her every day.

All through every lockdown she and Granny spoke every day in German. They learnt all her vocab and then started reading in German together.

dd1 eventually got an 8 in her GCSE. But those days were relaly special for them both.

Original poster
Mumofgirls89 · 31/01/2023 15:33

I'm reading every single one of these posts.
If you're a grandparent in here, you have no idea how much your support, ear and wisdom is appreciated.
If you're a parent doing well atm, try to be thankful for the hard work you've put in paying off. I'm sure you try to spread kindness wherever you can.
If you're a parent like me, who has been at the bottom and am now in a stable and steady place after the abusive relationship that was my eldest daughters bio dad, stay humble and true. We are the strength our kids need and appreciate the support from whomever is kind enough.
If you're a parent like my husband who has little to no conversation with his parents due to their lack of interest. Keep fighting for your kids to have better! You are the stopping point to a cycle. You are the example of what love looks like.

Thank you all for sharing, it makes me feel comforted to know I'm in good company.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread