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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to feel emotional about parents offer?

95 replies

Mumofgirls89 · 30/01/2023 22:12

My mum messaged today and mentioned a discussion my dad instigated about providing money for my daughters school dinners every week. She mentioned it would be done for every grandchild but at the moment my daughter is the only one in high school. We had a conversation about how expensive the school dinners were and that she wanted to have them all the time. She has just started a new school and is trying to stay with her friend as much as possible across the day including queueing!
I instantly felt emotional, I wanted to refuse because its not their job. Its not about me and my pride, they want to do something nice for their granddaughter and I'm sure they talked about it before hand.
My parents have been pretty good to my children.
I have received nothing from my eldest daughters biological dad even from a child maintenance collect and pay case, the money my parents are offering is more than legally required by their bio-dad...how sad is that?!
What's the best thing you're parents have done as grandparents?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 31/01/2023 00:15

How lovely. I'd be touched too. That would actually mean more to me than a £100 at Xmas. It's removed a worry for you and it's made your daughter's life more comfortable too. Such a thoughtful offer and I'm sure your parents get joy from their gifts. That's family for you

ChopSuey2 · 31/01/2023 00:22

I don't think either you or your parents are being unreasonable. It's shit your daughter's biological dad isn't providing but I am sure your parents will feel good about being able to help out AND it will help both you and your kids out because your finances won't be as stretched. A lot of people who don't have kids (because they've grown up or we never had them) like feeling like we are doing something to make the kids we love's (nieces/nephews/grandchildren) lives a bit better, whether that's paying for music/swimming lessons or lunches.

Let them give the money. Unless it leaves them unable to pay for their basic needs, you are likely making them happy (and even if it leaves them struggling, I expect they'd rather themselves than the children they live).

YouWithoutEnd · 31/01/2023 02:27

I’ve just found at age 36 and single that I’m heading very rapidly towards premature ovarian failure, and have very little time left to try and get pregnant via IVF with donor sperm.

My dad - bless his heart, has offered to pay for my fertility treatment so I can have a baby and he can have a grandchild.

Nat6999 · 31/01/2023 03:04

That is a lovely thoughtful idea. My parents bought ds all of his uniform when he started at primary & secondary school, I was so thankful as I'm a single mum & really didn't know how I was going to afford it. They also bought him 2 pairs of shoes a year while he was growing.

Original poster
Mumofgirls89 · 31/01/2023 06:37

I've loved reading all of these posts guys.
It's so beautiful to see and focus on the positives and things we have rather than don't.
I'm definetely humbled by my parents support all these years. We didn't have the best connection when I was young but age and time helps mature that.
I make it very clear to my eldest in particular as she understands more, that her grandparents have done so much for her. She see's it herself now.
We're definitely a lucky family to have each other. I'll keep the pride for another day!

OP posts:
Beezknees · 31/01/2023 06:53

Very lovely OP! You have kind parents. My mum is low paid single and can't afford to help me financially. But she helped out with childcare when she could.

sandgrown · 31/01/2023 07:06

My mum never had much money but every school holiday she would stay for a week to babysit . She would always bring the children a few sweets or crayons. DD has a friend who had no grandparents who still remembers a trip to town with my mum and going for an ice cream. She loved all her grandchildren and was so generous with her love and time .

jellybe · 31/01/2023 07:08

My folks are fab grandparents. The kids adore spending time with them and they try to have each of them for a few days during the holidays by themselves so DC get individual time with them. They have also supported us on a practical level when needed - doing childcare and help us financially when we were moving house and had a short period where we had not sold old house but had found current house.

MIL is great too. Spending time with the kids, wanting to babysit and just showers them with love.

DaphneduM · 31/01/2023 07:10

How lovely you've got such supportive parents. We have one little grandchild and it's a huge joy and privilege to be Granny and Grandad.

Our daughter is an only child so our family is small - therefore they're our sole focus of course. We paid for their wedding, a house deposit, cars and look after our boy two days a week to save on nursery fees. He has his own room at our house and comes for sleepovers when our daughter and son-in-law are away for the night. I always pay for his shoes, as my mum did for my daughter. My husband is fantastic with him and has just made him a big bat cave for batman and his bat mobile!!!

We moved a few years ago, at our daughter's request, to be near them and feel so lucky. I can honestly say this has been one of the happiest times of my life!!!!

DonutsAreNotLunch · 31/01/2023 07:18

My mum pays for my dds riding lessons, when I was a child my grandparents did the same for me because my mum couldn’t afford them so I think my mum likes that she is in a position to pay for them for my dd now!

DisforDarkChocolate · 31/01/2023 07:26

Mine were amazing grandparents to my 3 oldest, with my youngest circumstances were very different but he was equally loved.

They used to send money for winter coats, take them on days out, have them for a week of fun, picked them up from school, sent over dinners. Just endless love and support.

nzeire · 31/01/2023 07:54

I’ll never forget when I was at my lowest ebb, totally broke and failing miserably at life, my mum turned up with a bag of gorgeous kiddy clothes for the kids. She had taken the bus over and wouldn’t let me even drive her home. She ran off after pressing an envelope in my hand, with a few hundred dollars in it, with a note, saying, this is FOR YOU, if not all make sure some is spent on yourself.
I sobbed for hours

another time, my daughter had her little handbag knicked from some park festival. She, being 6, was devastated. Mum tracked down another one, probably the very last in the country, (cheapie thing), got it put aside, caught 2 buses to go and collect it.

god I love her. Must tell dad these stories tomorrow. Mum is now bedridden with dementia and we all look after her like the queen she is

nzeire · 31/01/2023 07:56

And every school holiday they took the kids to a movie and MacDonalds. A massive treat! Honestly, my parents are ledgends. I’ll be the same if I’m blessed with grandchildren :)

Aphrathestorm · 31/01/2023 08:06

My parents do school uniforms and shoes, contribute to school trips, and some extra curriculars inc sports equipment/clothing.

I thought this was pretty standard tbh.

(They've never done childcare for work)

BigFeelingsMoment · 31/01/2023 08:48

Not the done thing to admit on MN, because on here GP childcare is practically elder abuse, but my DC’s GPs give me respite and a chance to nap.

And they sing and tickle DC so I hear roaring laughter when I wake up.

BigFeelingsMoment · 31/01/2023 08:49

nzeire · 31/01/2023 07:54

I’ll never forget when I was at my lowest ebb, totally broke and failing miserably at life, my mum turned up with a bag of gorgeous kiddy clothes for the kids. She had taken the bus over and wouldn’t let me even drive her home. She ran off after pressing an envelope in my hand, with a few hundred dollars in it, with a note, saying, this is FOR YOU, if not all make sure some is spent on yourself.
I sobbed for hours

another time, my daughter had her little handbag knicked from some park festival. She, being 6, was devastated. Mum tracked down another one, probably the very last in the country, (cheapie thing), got it put aside, caught 2 buses to go and collect it.

god I love her. Must tell dad these stories tomorrow. Mum is now bedridden with dementia and we all look after her like the queen she is

❤️You have a good one there!

poorbuthappy · 31/01/2023 09:48

My parents bought nappies every week they went shopping when the twins were born. Helped so much. Also did all the school uniforms and shoes and a seasonal clothes shop for all 3 kids until last year when I finally got a decent job again. They also did a lot of childcare with dd1 so I could go back to work. I owe them the world

harrassedmumto3 · 31/01/2023 09:55

I love my mum but she's not really like this. My daughter's cat was put down the other day and she was distraught. She had had the cat since being a little girl. I had to remind my mum to text her to check she was ok Confused

Cussons · 31/01/2023 09:56

What a lovely thread. My child's father is also so useless. My mum has always stepped in to help me, my daughter needs some new uniform and my mums offered to pay for it. There's many things she's done over the years. I am so grateful for her on a daily basis

dovelove · 31/01/2023 09:59

My grandad bought me a winter coat and school shoes every new school year. Things weren't great at home and I really appreciated this especially when I went up to secondary.

I also buy my own grandchildren's winter coats and school shoes. Keeping the tradition going lol. I save coins through the year for when they go on holiday for spends. Chip in for school trips etc.

I hope they remember it when they are grandparents x

Hello12345678910 · 31/01/2023 10:00

Awh ❤️ my granny did this for me & my siblings - she also bought my first car and paid for the years insurance - paid rent for months and months when I was out of work, paid off my credit cards, and was just there for any conversation - she truly was my best friend & I miss her a lot - there's nothing I wouldn't give up for one last coffee in the garden with her..

My parents don't have enough to provide anything monetary wise. (And mine & siblings children are too young really) though I really hope they have a similar relationship to mine and grannies!
My other halfs grandparents (so LO's g-grandparents) have started a nice bank account for LO though!

Flatandhappy · 31/01/2023 10:07

Oops, I voted YABU because I thought you didn’t want to take the money, sorry! We have a granddaughter, her parents are doing ok but like everyone else they are feeling the pinch these days. I will often buy an extra pack of nappies and say “hey, these were on special” or I will pick up a few items of clothing when I am shopping, especially when she is moving up a size. We look after her one day a week so buy toys for when she is here, particularly things there isn’t space for at home like a playhouse. I can’t imagine watching her go without if we could help. I grew up in a house with so much love but not much money so I am very happy that I can offer both.

Shortbread49 · 31/01/2023 10:08

I would just like mine to take in interest in them 🥲

GoodnightJude1 · 31/01/2023 10:13

That’s lovely of them OP and a gesture that will help very much.
My mum is the most wonderful woman I know. I couldn’t begin to list the things she has done over the years for me and my children. I know 100% that I could call her day or night and if I needed her she’d be here asap.

DilemmaDelilah · 31/01/2023 10:14

My parents helped me financially when I went back to college and university as a mature student and mother of 2. And then after my father died and when my mother sold their big house to move closer to me, she gave me the deposit for my house. So generous - and I'm really sorry that I can't do quite as much for mine.

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