Late picking up DD from nursery

[hellomynameissuzy]

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

Totally agree with this. It’s 10 minutes, it happens all the time. She shouldn’t have been so rude to you. She could have said - look, this can’t happen again. But to not speak is.. weird

Actually this is how it works in most settings! It's not right and often staff end up working lots of unpaid over time!

I understand the workers annoyance if she stays 10 mins after pick up time each day for a different parent then thats 50 mins unpaid! But she definitely should have been professional and at least said goodbye to the child. Do you not get charged a late fee? At my daughters nursery its £5 per 5 minutes late.

A lot of people misunderstand this. When you’ve paid until 3 o clock, that’s when the child should be leaving by, not being picked up.

How entitled of you to think it’s their duty to stay behind to look after your child!

It's very telling that you haven't disclosed your reason for being late in your OP. I suspect you don't have a very good excuse. Have you been late before?

It's scenarios like this that make having a phone essential. I bet the nursery worker would have been much kinder if you had called ahead to warn her. Also, not to sound dramatic but you never know when you will need to call for help in an emergency, especially if you have a small child with you. Sort your phone out!

If she was silent it’s probably because she was angry, if she was angry then it’s safe to say she had been inconvenienced. They were probably trying to call and couldn’t get through.

At 3pm it’s safe to assume she may have had to collect her own child and would now be late.

Ten mins is quite a long time when everyone else has gone, the jobs are done and you're waiting for a parent who you have no idea when they will get there.

A three pm finish suggests staff could well have their own children to collect from school and are worried they are going to be late themselves.

@BungleandGeorge Some nurseries only pay their staff to that time, so they do expect children to leave and the staff to lock the door behind them. It is more akin to when a gym say closes. They close at 10pm, they do not allow you to be in the gym till 10om and then spend 10 minutes changing. You leave by 10pm or at the very latest.

Fix your phone. What if nursery were trying to call you as your kid was poorly or hurt.

They probably have other emergency contacts, such as the child’s father. OP probably has a phone at work too, for them to contact her on during the day. We survived without mobiles before they were invented

Can't believe the responses on here. 10 mins late or not it is no excuse for her to give you and your child the silent treatment. She should of remained professional and how she acted is worse than you being 10 mins late. I would be given the nursey feedback on her behaviour and letting them know that i dont appreciate her treatment especially infront of your child and towards your child. Wonder what she's like with the kids when she is 'inconvenienced' if this is how she treats adults straight to their face and treats children infront of the parents. I would not be happy at all.

I’m sure there are multiple members of staff, some will play with/entertain the children. The others will tidy. It’s called being efficient

If a parent is late every day of the week (for example a different parent each day) that would add 50 minutes onto the staff’s working week, unpaid. I imagine it gets frustrating

Nothing wrong with 5 min late, in your opinion? So by your reasoning tomorrow we should be fine to open 5 min late.

Well that’s part of the problem. It happens all the time. Therefore staff are continually left working for free because parents are selfish/lazy/inconsiderate.

I think, regarding the silent treatment, whether or not you are being unreasonable depends on a few things, and as you haven’t answered some of these when asked already, I doubt you’ll answer now - but I’ll try anyway!

1. What was your reason for being late?
2. Was this the first time your child was late being collected from nursery?
3. When did your child start at that nursery, and how often do they go?
4. What exactly did you say upon arrival, what was your tone and how was your body language (E.g. did you casually saunter in or were you running? Was it a breezy “ooh I’m a few mins late” without an actual apology, or more “oh I’m so, so sorry I’m late. I promise this won’t happen again” etc)
5. How long has your phone been broken for? Have you checked it’s definitely still receiving calls? Did you let the nursery know in advance that your phone was broken?

Basically, if you were late for a good reason that was unforeseen and you genuinely couldn’t have done anything differently; this was the first time your child has been collected late; your child has been in the nursery for more than a month and goes several times a week; you were clearly rushing and super apologetic and your phone got damaged after dropping at nursery the day you were late I would say you are not being unreasonable (although you should have offered up your reason for being late as you collected your child - the silence was your cue to do this).

if you were late for a terrible reason (e.g. sat at home watching tv and wanted to watch the end of an episode before you left); your child has been collected late before; your child only started there this term and goes just once or twice a week max; you were in no rush going in/acted flippant about being late and your phone has been broken for more than a few days but you didn’t let nursery know & haven’t done anything about getting it repaired or replaced you are being unreasonable.

I would suggest next time you are there, get there early enough to apologise to the member of staff and perhaps explain why you were late. Or send an email if you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up in person. Maybe even proactively ask if there is a fine you need to pay or if the person that stopped late incurred any expenses themselves as a result that you could offer to pay for them?

But once again I’d query whether all those people who think it’s ‘only 10 mins’ or ‘5 minutes late is fine’ would be equally blasé and happy if they showed up and the nursery was shut, and staff breezed in when they felt like it and brushed it off as ‘it’s only 10 mins, shit happens.’

Again, you can complain to the nursery all you like but the fact is that this woman was likely not being paid to provide a service to the op at that time. So her manager is hardly going to cut her nose off to spite her face by saying ‘why didn’t you do a better job when you were working for free yesterday?’ Because there’s a good chance the staff member might decide ‘actually you’re right - I can’t do a good job when I’m not being paid, so from now on I won’t be doing any more free overtime on zero notice.’

She wasn't ignoring you, she was pissed at you and didnt fancy engaging in cheery small talk. I assume she handed over the kid to you, I assume she did not fail to understand a direct question you asked? Then that is not the 'silent treatment'

Why was she pissed with the kid who she refused to say goodbye to?

I agree
Theres no call for her to not say goodbye to your DD and at least give you a chance to explain
If we were more than 15 minutes late we were charged double time. Which I think is fare p, it means they’re getting paid at least.

I haven’t fully decided yet but DD may be going to a nursery that closes at 6. I finish work at 6 on the dot and the nursery is 0.3 miles away (could walk there under 5mins). So I’d be picking her up everyday 5mins late. Shoot me!

I’ve ran it past the nursery and they don’t care anyway, I literally work a few buildings down the road. I’m sure they care more about receiving a monthly payment as opposed to a parent being 5mins late. I won’t be going back and forth with you because I could literally care less!!

Do what you want! I doubt DD would arrive to the nursery at the exact minute that she should every day. As I said, I’d personally give myself 5mins leeway for any potential lateness

I am a nursery practitioner. I get paid for the time the children are there. There are jobs that can't be done whilst children are in the building closing checks etc. Not only that but 2 staff would have had to stay for safeguarding reasons. Because I have older children and live close to the nursery its often me who stays. I am often late for my hobbies because of "10" minutes I do a 10 hour day for minimum wage and to be honest, 10 minutes x 5 days per week x 52 weeks per is very nearly a weeks wage that I don't get paid for. I love the children I work with but they are not my children and at the end of the day I just want to go home on time. It does happen and sometimes it cannot be helped but you can not expect a full hand over sorry but you are being unreasonable

Chances are the staff may have already said goodbye to all of the children in a group song or activity at the end of the session. They may have said goodbye whilst waiting for you. Children get upset being the last one in the building. When the room is quiet and the children have all gone it can often scare/worry the child left on there own. Imagine being 3 years old and feeling like you have been forgotten by your parents 10 minutes in a children's lives is a long time for them. You are leading them to believe that you have forgotten about them. Put yourself in your child's shoes they do not have the comprehension skills of an adult. Ask yourself this do ypu get frustrated with shops opening late, doctors running behind, your meal in a restaurant taking too long, being held up by traffic, being kept waiting on the phone. Magnify that feeling 10 times that is close to what your child maybe feeling.