To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

Just say at the beginning, tell the person taking your order you want it separate, or go and pay for your bit first. It really doesn't need to be a big deal

We would always have the discussion at the end ‘we’ve all had pretty much the same, shall we split?’. Then usually someone will say ‘oh but I’ve had a dessert, I need to pay extra’ or someone won’t have had the wine that everyone else had etc.. so we wouldn’t split it exactly but let’s say out of 4 of us if 3 were drinking wine and the wine was approx £30 and the bill was £130 (inc tip) the wine drinkers would pay £35 and the non-wine drinker would pay £25 (assuming they hadn’t had an equally expensive drink). It works out well, nobody has their calculators out and we make sure the whole bill is paid as there is less scope for someone to forget something they had

But if you had drunk cocktails she'd have paid even more? I've told this before but we went out as skint group with wealthier group
Of friends once. They all had £17+ main courses and pints and pints while we had £7 pizza (olden days where it was significantly cheaper than a main course like chicken in an Italian restaurant) and 1 bottle wine between 4. They obviously suggested splitting bill and we ended up with e.g. £15 bill each - in any case, less than their main course alone. They MUST have known this. Obviously I've seethed about this for over 15 years as we subsidised their food 😡

This is so odd to me. The norm for us always was just getting our own meals. No drama, no over spending.

Years ago DH and I went to an expensive restaurant for a leaving do. There must have been about 20 people there. As I was driving I had a couple of soft drinks. Everyone else was ordering expensive wines and liqueurs. It was decided just to split the bill at the end, and as DH was still quite junior at the workplace he didn't want to challenge it, so we very resentfully paid for our split of the bill and decided that it wouldn't happen again.

If we go out with another couple and we have pretty much the same then we just split the bill down the middle.

But who is going out in a group and ordering extravagantly?? I don’t know anyone that does this. The polite think is for both sides to be reasonable!!! So not ordering oysters when you have lunch with your best friend (unless she is too!) and equally not going out for a meal and having a glass of water and a starter…

But who is going out in a group and ordering extravagantly?? I don’t know anyone that does this.

it's more likely to be someone ordering a side and a glass of water because they're on a budget, and everyone else having regular meals. Although a wile ago a lot of people i socialised with were bankers on eye-wateringly high salaries, they ordered the most expensive things, and usually more than they actually wanted/needed just... because they could. And then expected me, a student, to split the bill evenly. Nope. But i never minded putting them right on that score.

We can go out as a couple and pay £30 in the exact same place another couple will spend £80.

You see, that seems odd to me. Things are usually in a reasonably tight range on a menu and if you’re sharing wine and water etc, then I’d have thought it generally came out within a few quid of each other. Apart from anything else, when you go with friends, you tend to agree on a restaurant that’s in everyone’s price range, so I can’t see how it’s normal to have such a huge discrepancy when you’re talking about two couples. (Can see how a huge group of colleagues is more difficult.)

YANBU and this is why I rarely go out for meals with non-family anymore. Too many people have taken the piss in the past.

I just don't get this if I've had a salad and diet coke and the steak eating red wine guzzler says let's just split it you can just say no sorry that doesn't work for me here's £20. Generally with my friends drinkers offer to pay more. I do think though non drinkers sometimes dont realise how much soft drinks can be. I have one friend who always has 3 courses and two or three soft drinks that will probably be more than my starter salad and one white wine.

My friends and I tend to split equally but we're all mindful if someone didn't drink/ didn't have desert etc so would make adjustments. We'd never knowingly let others pay more but equally not petty enough to work out exactly to the pound who had what. As others have said it's swings and roundabout.

Well if you have soft drinks and a pizza each and they have bottle of red wine, steak, a pudding and coffees….

I think some of you need new friends. If anything I have the opposite problem where people overpay. I have some friends who don't drink, I would never go halves in this situation, I'll always make sure I pay my share or more.

My ex boss, who was v well paid, ordered really expensive wine as he didn’t like ‘cheap’ stuff that we’d have all been happy with. We assumed. More fool us he’d put I’m more after making such a fuss…nope.

This

All it takes is someone to have a steak, a side, to have a starter and pud when most have one or the other, plus either wine or cocktails and their bill can be a lot more than other people.

It’s only swings and roundabouts if it’s not the same people who have the most food/most expensive options each time. Often in my experience it is the same person.

Well if you have soft drinks and a pizza each and they have bottle of red wine, steak, a pudding and coffees….

But that’s my point - in my experience, people don’t do this with friends. There’s a discussion- “are we having starters? Are we just doing pizzas or the main menu? Shall we have wine?”. So, sure, someone might have a coffee which someone else doesn’t, but it’s not worth making a song and dance about. It’s usually a few quod either way.

But that’s my point - in my experience, people don’t do this with friends. There’s a discussion- “are we having starters? Are we just doing pizzas or the main menu? Shall we have wine?”.

Yes. We have this discussion when out with other couples. Sometimes we just pay for the drinks separately to avoid resentment.

Aren't you lucky not to have to be counting your pennies then. Just be bloody grateful instead of trying to shame people who are in that situation.

Not in my social circle. As I say if someone didn't drink / didn't have a third course or something then we'd factor that in. In our group the ones who have ordered more expensive stuff would openly say that and offer to pay more (rather than the ones who ordered less having to speak up).

Which is nice. And how it should be.

As other posts have shown though that’s not universal.

Same here. The OP needs to find nicer friends

ive never understood why people see it as awkward using a calculator at the end to add up what you owe. I find people worry about under, rather than overpaying in this situation.
I also don’t understand people who assume the bill will be equally split. Surely when ordering food and drink you need to know how much you are spending, otherwise how would you know it’s within budget?

i also don’t get the thing about sharing food. I remember returning from the toilets once at a friends birthday meal to discover one of her relatives had been tucking into my pizza whilst I was gone! She genuinely had no idea why I was annoyed 🫤

Why do people find splitting the bill nitpicking and awkward? Why should people who consume less - whether because they're not feeling hungry, they don't drink, or they're on a budget - subsidise other people?