To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

I am American (Florida) and it is soooo automatic to say “separate bills, please”. I can’t imagine being expected to split an uneven bill. We got a lot of great parts of our society from the English. Now we want to give back! Take this trend from us, please. It will make you so much happier to go out with friends!

😂😂😂 talking about this will never get old or be resolved if CF involved at all. Best keep to real friends and if you have to call out CF. Personally dislike people who don’t factor in a tip. 🤦‍♂️

Like it when they have service charge makes that easier

I know someone that does this too. She is lso last in taxi drop off and thinkmakes money on it too as we all bung extra. Only realised because she did not come out last time and I was last and had loads left over. I text the group to say I give them some back. We all realised then. Next time we go out we will give less.

The very worst people are the ones who say “ oh, we’re off, have to get back for the cat/dog/ babysitter, we had the penne pasta @ 15 so here’s £30. ” Forgetting they shared the shared starters , ate the bread and olives, drank the bottles of mineral water someone ordered , and there was a service charge.

Absolutely. I’ve been on the end of this and it’s infuriating. There’s often a “cost” to the shared experience (be that sides for the table, someone drinks a glass of wine more out of the bottle, a service charge) that’s a bit more than would be the case if you ate on your own. (That said - absolutely - if you’d had lobster and someone else had pasta, then you shouldn’t split 50/50 and the lobster eater should offer to pay significantly more!)

Just do this. It isn't difficult. As long as you ask the waiter to do a separate bill for you and your DP while you are ordering it would work very well.

I just would refuse to dine with anyone who is so poor they have to count and pinch the pennies to that extent. Problem solved!

I'm glad you aren't my friend @caoixr. What a mean spirited attitude!

It's socially ackward to be sitting and counting out your diet coke to the pence. Also, whenever it's done this way the payment comes up short. Someone obviously conveniently forgets to claim something they've had, or skirts out of giving a tip.

In Germany it is completely normal to split the bill by what you have consumed. You ask for the bill, the waiter comes over, and goes round the table, nobody skips out until the process is finished.

That actually happened to DH and I.

there was one guy in a group who regularly bought the most expensive main, expensive drinks (and often more than everyone else as a quick drinker) and always had a few sides.

When the bill came on one occasion I was so annoyed that he didn’t say anything about adding in extra that I said I thought we should just pay our own as one of the couples we’re both facing redundancy and we had just had a baby.

He actually said out loud that he wouldn’t have ordered what he had if it wasn’t a split bill. It took him a good few minutes to realise that he’d said it out loud as well.
very few people still socialise with him.

I hate this, I normally eat sides and a soft drink, I'm always the cheapest but get stung each and every time until I married and my hubby just says straight up we will do our own bill. One time a group of us went for a tapas, one girl ordered wine and spirits wanted us all to share the tapas but she ordered the bulk and ate the bulk! I had to say look I'm veggie I'm keeping (one portion of tempura), to myself and had ordered it specifically for myself. She then asked for oysters! I went up to the waitress on the guise of needing the loo and cancelled those Oysters! Guess what "let's split the bill" 🤣

Just please make sure you cover your share of any tip. I had a friend and I earned significantly more than her. I would almost always pay her share if it was just the two of us. Once she said “let’s split it.” And for once I didn’t say “I’ve got it. Don’t worry. The total cost came to £26. Her share was £12, mine was £14. But she only contributed £10.80 because she forgot the tip. It still rankles and I still can’t believe she didn’t just split it (or actually pay for me as I had spent many £100s on her over the years). This was 15 years ago.

so fine to do - but always ensure you cover your share of the tip!

In our group (4-6 regular diners) we just take turns to pay, or if it's really big we just split by the number of people but we all drink. We don't split petrol or travel either, just take turns driving/paying

In Germany it is completely normal to split the bill by what you have consumed.

It's completely normal when I eat out with my friends as well.

Why are people so afraid to say up front "if you don't mind I'll just pay my own way. I'm a bit skint this month"?

It really really isn't difficult.

I actually really dislike it when people analyse the bills to the ninth degree. Things usually work out evenly over the years. The 'drinkers' as some say here may have a drink more than you at a restaurant but might also be the person who is more generous with inviting people over or buying rounds elsewhere.

With my friends, I generally find that if someone is only going for a main and not a starter/pudding or alcoholic drinks, the rest of us would always insist they pay less, but we usually knock something off rather than count each item.

And that's probably why we don't have much in terms of savings but I love the idea of generosity of spirit.

It's very clear that some posters don't get how difficult it is for people who are struggling financially. And why should the drivers sub the drinkers?

I do get hacked off at the idea that if I can only afford my food and drink, and have to pay for JUST mine, I should not come out, that coming out and socialising is ONLY for those who can afford to pay for more than what they've had.

Irritatingly, these 'im happy to pay for more than what I have had, you're the miser...' people tend to be those who pay for LESS than they had and are subsidised by me!

I pay for what I've had, unless we're all eating from the '2 for 1' menu and having the same re starter/pud/drinks, and thus the difference is going to be a couple of £ either way, OR its someone I go out with frequently and we take it in turns or it generally evens out.

I would rather socialise on a budget than not socialise at all and whilst its fine for others to NOT want to socialise, out, if it means budgeting hard, thats entirely their choice and not something everyone else should expect of them!

I think you just need to go out with like minded people who you eat often with. Then it all comes out in the wash. We’ll always reduce the bill if anyone is not drinking. But nobody sits there with their calculators working out each share. I’ve never been to a meal where that happens.

If it’s people you don’t eat out with often and are worried then you need to say upfront.

Every friendship group is different though. We have nobody who takes the piss.

Work out what it cost in advance. Leave early before anyone mentions splitting the bill and leave in cash what yours cost plus your part of the tip.

Can I just suggest to those who decide to split the bill by what they have eaten, you always check if there's service charge added and add it to your bit of the bill..... or else the last person paying ends up taking care of the service charge for the whole table (and don't let this comment derail the thread on the merits or not of service charges!)

I hate the bill splitting. It’s so easy to remember the food just round it up. It’s not difficult. Luckily my friends are all awesome generous people who wouldn’t dream of making someone else subsidise their food choices.

The last time I sent out with a group of people I drank more than most. I jolly well paid for everything I drank and didn't expect anyone to subsidise me.

Its not about nit picking, it is that we are not high earners. We can go out as a couple and pay £30 in the exact same place another couple will spend £80.
And it does not even out over time.

It's completely normal when I eat out with my friends as well.
Why are people so afraid to say up front "if you don't mind I'll just pay my own way. I'm a bit skint this month"?

i think some pp must hang out with absolute arsehole CFs. We go out in groups of 10 or more sometimes, and we don't have people leaving before the waiter has been to everyone and we're clear the bill and a generous tip has been covered. Nobody worries that one person had a bread roll and water and one had filet Rossini and a bottle of champagne. It's not embarassing, it's not awkward and we have been doing this for 30 years or more.

also if there is a service charge, you can ask them to remove it ( i usually do) and then each couple/person leaves a tip. The bigger the group the bigger the tip would be the norm, but in general we leave 10-15% (most of our friends are chefs, and it really isn't an issue)

Myself and my hubby, then boyfriend went to dinner with his very wealthy friend and his friends. Neither of us were any where near high earners but the friend was wealthy in his own right as well as living from the bank of mum and dad (think 12 bedroom house, private education etc). Anyway, we had all gone out to dinner, about 20 of us and they were all ordering champagne and top notch foods, we just stuck to the basic menu and soft drinks as we knew we'd never be able to afford what the others were eating and drinking. Come the end of the night the cheeky fecker said they were splitting the bill 20 ways! I just stood up in front of everyone and said 'er no!' There was no way we were going to subsidise the bloody bill for all those others that could have afforded to pay for everyone!

Even now when there are more than 3 of us we all pay for what we have. It might be more hassle for the waiting staff but none of us have the money to pay for others. If theres only 2 or 3 we split the bill between us as we all tend to have the same. My friend and I take it in turns to treat each other to breakfast or brunch or a cuppa when we meet every few months, it's our little tradition.

YANBU

I’ve seen a lot of posts like this and have always found it strange how common it seems to be. I go out with friends, work colleagues, friends of friends and the starting point has always been to split the bill but to point out who didn’t have alcohol / a starter / dessert etc… and insist they pay their lower share then the remainder of the bill is split.

I think pp’s are right, it might feel awkward but if you make reference to paying your own bill when booking or the start of the meal that will be it resolved