Page 16 | To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

AtticusFrost · 2023-01-30T16:21:36+00:00

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill. No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

timeonmyside · 01/02/2023 16:38

On holiday in Iceland I noticed that everyone got an individual bill for their meal. Its the norm there.

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 01/02/2023 16:50

We go out with the same group of friends regularly.

Sometimes one of them may order a more expensive meal and the next time out it could be me.

We always just split the bill!

However, we may VERY roughly work it out at, say, £60 each for the drinkers and £40 each for those who haven't had a drink!

We'd also very roughly add 10% on to our individual bills for a tip.

I'm really happy with this. If I was too concerned then I probably just wouldn't go out with them in the first place.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 17:33

Portions round here are so generous that we don't order extra bread or sides, but we generally only eat in pubs or have the occasional Chinese, Indian or Thai meal.

Currently sat here with covid and wishing I could go out for a meal now

Cracklingfire1 · 01/02/2023 17:44

Seriously, no biggie. Just say you would prefer to pay separately. Your way is just as valid as theirs. Be confident.

phoenixrosehere · 01/02/2023 17:49

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 17:33

Portions round here are so generous that we don't order extra bread or sides, but we generally only eat in pubs or have the occasional Chinese, Indian or Thai meal.

Currently sat here with covid and wishing I could go out for a meal now

Agree with this. Most restaurants we go of various cuisines already have sides that are a part of the main course.

Hope you feel better soon.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 17:50

Thank you @phoenixrosehere. I am beginning to recover, but now DH has it.
I have cabin fever.

Abra1t · 01/02/2023 17:51

Perhaps I just have nice friends as splitting the bill always seems to be done fairly and nobody takes advantage.

inky1991 · 01/02/2023 18:53

Also, whenever it's done this way the payment comes up short. Someone obviously conveniently forgets to claim something they've had, or skirts out of giving a tip.

This - always happens. I find not splitting bills equally a bit juvenile, but I'm always hyper aware of what I and everyone has ordered. So if I know a friend hasn't had any alcohol or a starter for example, I would offer them to pay theres separately. Most of the time they say don't worry, as it's swings and roundabouts.

Next time I might have the cheaper meal but split the bill equally 🤷‍♀️

MummyBear2cubs · 01/02/2023 20:06

We once went out with friends and bought our drinks outright rather than add them to the drinks tab - at that point our joint income wasn't that much and we both had fairly cheap options but one couple had the most expensive options and a couple of bottles of wine on the food tab! They obviously they suggested we split the bill which we did as others agreed it basically meant we ended paying a lot more than we should have and the said couple basically got one of their meals for free! To make matters worse everyone else had drinks on the drinks tab but we had already paid for ours but the said couple had disappeared so everyone else was short for the tab so we were asked to pay a portion towards the tab -we pointed out that we didn't add ours to the tab to be told that no one else had enough to make up the difference (neither did we but my DH is too soft) so we ended up paying for part of this too! We don't usually mind if it's friends and family but the said couple were just friends of our friends!! I was so pissed off at the end of the night! It cost us a fortune!!

Patbutchersearrings1 · 01/02/2023 21:45

I just do not see the point in spending what is supposed to be an enjoyable evening- a treat if you will- having a single grain of rice and tap water, fretting over every penny and worrying that your friends are out to fleece you, so much so that you have to make a point to the waiter that you must have separate bills before the meal even commences. In that case you are either stingy, short on cash (fair enough but if I was skint my priority probably wouldn't be dining out) or you just have crap friends. We always split the bill equally as it is so much quicker and far less awkward. Obviously if someone isn't drinking or had significantly more than others they would speak up and everyone would understand if they paid more or less.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/02/2023 21:54

It's meant to be an enjoyable experience, not 'how can I get Margaret to pay for my starter?'

That's how I would see it too, but there are plenty of CFs for whom the enjoyable experience is getting others to sub them. Obviously, they like 'saving' money at somebody else's expense, but there are also some who get a real sense of personal triumph at having got one over on somebody else.

How is it 'mean' or 'stingy' to not want to subsidise someone else's meal?

Bizarre, isn't it? It's like dining-out DARVO - where the stingy person is the one who doesn't want to pay for OTHERS' food and not the one who doesn't want to pay for THEIR OWN food.

And what happens when someone orders say bread or sides for the table? Do you refuse it?

I'm not saying that everybody has an ulterior motive, but for CFs, it's the oldest trick in the book to order something 'for the table', that they either know other people aren't so keen on, or otherwise they never let others get a chance to get their hands on any. Not only are they getting everybody to pay for what is effectively their own sides orders, but they're actually double-exploiting it (planning in advance) when later justifying why 'we should just split the bill', when they will often have deliberately taken advantage. In not so many words, they're basically saying "Because I got you to pay for my bread and butter, garlic mushrooms and wine, that obligates you to pay for my lobster as well".

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/02/2023 21:57

if I was skint my priority probably wouldn't be dining out

Do you not see how people can often prioritise and budget limited funds to include some treats, but nevertheless aren't in a position to be splashing the cash around for treats for everybody?

It isn't just a binary possibility of either having enough money to fill an Olympic swimming pool or not a single penny to spare.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2023 22:00

Patbutchersearrings1 · 01/02/2023 21:45

I just do not see the point in spending what is supposed to be an enjoyable evening- a treat if you will- having a single grain of rice and tap water, fretting over every penny and worrying that your friends are out to fleece you, so much so that you have to make a point to the waiter that you must have separate bills before the meal even commences. In that case you are either stingy, short on cash (fair enough but if I was skint my priority probably wouldn't be dining out) or you just have crap friends. We always split the bill equally as it is so much quicker and far less awkward. Obviously if someone isn't drinking or had significantly more than others they would speak up and everyone would understand if they paid more or less.

So basically poor people should either save enough money to split the bill regardless of what their friends have or not go out at all...

I cannot imagine being self centred enough to think that someone skint should forgo going out for a meal with friends just to save their friend the "hassle" of paying for their own stuff. Baffling

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2023 22:01

I'd actually be gutted if my friends felt too awkward or embarrassed to say "I need to just pay for what I'm having" and thought it better to not come out.

Delatron · 01/02/2023 22:04

Patbutchersearrings1 · 01/02/2023 21:45

I just do not see the point in spending what is supposed to be an enjoyable evening- a treat if you will- having a single grain of rice and tap water, fretting over every penny and worrying that your friends are out to fleece you, so much so that you have to make a point to the waiter that you must have separate bills before the meal even commences. In that case you are either stingy, short on cash (fair enough but if I was skint my priority probably wouldn't be dining out) or you just have crap friends. We always split the bill equally as it is so much quicker and far less awkward. Obviously if someone isn't drinking or had significantly more than others they would speak up and everyone would understand if they paid more or less.

This summarises exactly how I feel. People refusing to share a bit of bread, nursing tap water and a salad just so they can claim they’ve only spent precisely £8.46 (but forget the tip conveniently).

Some people seem so angry. Calling people

‘CFs’ and ‘steak guzzlers’. Who are eating out with?

It’s supposed to be a nice evening out with friends. Not totting up every morsel you have or haven’t eaten. Getting angry because Dave had an extra cocktail. How miserly. Just don’t go out if money is so tight you are quibbling over a few quid here and there.

Going out for dinner can be expensive and it can add up. It’s not something I’d do if I was watching the pennies. I’d get friends over for a takeaway or cook dinner/ coffee and a walk.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/02/2023 22:32

I cannot imagine being self centred enough to think that someone skint should forgo going out for a meal with friends just to save their friend the "hassle" of paying for their own stuff. Baffling

Astonishing, isn't it?

It’s supposed to be a nice evening out with friends. Not totting up every morsel you have or haven’t eaten. Getting angry because Dave had an extra cocktail. How miserly. Just don’t go out if money is so tight you are quibbling over a few quid here and there.

And yet it's so frequently the insistent bill-splitters who have also been totting everything up - either deliberately in wanting to get maximum 'value' or just in noticing the amount and/or cost of everything they've been ordering in comparison with what other people have ordered, assuming that they have eyes. It's just that they're devious about it and working from the position of assumed entitlement, whereas their accused 'stingy' person is forced into a corner and made to justify not cheerfully propping up the other people's entitlement without a whimper.

Why is it shameful not to want to (or to be able to afford to) sub somebody else but not shameful expecting (or even demanding) to be subbed yourself? 9 times out of 10, the angry person will be the one who has ordered liberally (as is their right) and is then furious when they realise they're actually expected to pay for what they've ordered and consumed. It tends to go with the character type in the first place.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 22:32

So basically poor people should either save enough money to split the bill regardless of what their friends have or not go out at all...

Or they should only eat at McDonalds or Wetherspoons. The number of socially unaware and tone deaf posters on this thread is depressing. Maybe they should treat these "poor people" to a meal out now and again instead of sneering at the fact that they can't afford to splash the cash.

For the record I can afford to splash the cash, but I have a better sense of fairness than some of these posters.

AllOutofEverything · 01/02/2023 22:35

Some well off people are only friends with other well off people. The reasons why are not hard to see. We have friends from a wide variety of economic situations. There are no issues because everyone is decent.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 22:49

I agree with you @AllOutofEverything. I also mix with people from a wide range of backgrounds and would hate to make someone less well off than me feel awkward. Sneering at people who have to watch every penny is a very unpleasant character trait.

Delatron · 01/02/2023 22:51

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/02/2023 22:32

I cannot imagine being self centred enough to think that someone skint should forgo going out for a meal with friends just to save their friend the "hassle" of paying for their own stuff. Baffling

Astonishing, isn't it?

It’s supposed to be a nice evening out with friends. Not totting up every morsel you have or haven’t eaten. Getting angry because Dave had an extra cocktail. How miserly. Just don’t go out if money is so tight you are quibbling over a few quid here and there.

And yet it's so frequently the insistent bill-splitters who have also been totting everything up - either deliberately in wanting to get maximum 'value' or just in noticing the amount and/or cost of everything they've been ordering in comparison with what other people have ordered, assuming that they have eyes. It's just that they're devious about it and working from the position of assumed entitlement, whereas their accused 'stingy' person is forced into a corner and made to justify not cheerfully propping up the other people's entitlement without a whimper.

Why is it shameful not to want to (or to be able to afford to) sub somebody else but not shameful expecting (or even demanding) to be subbed yourself? 9 times out of 10, the angry person will be the one who has ordered liberally (as is their right) and is then furious when they realise they're actually expected to pay for what they've ordered and consumed. It tends to go with the character type in the first place.

Good god this is what I’m talking about - nobody is being devious! At least nobody I have ever eaten out with.

All this ‘secretly ordering starters that nobody else wants as a trick’

None of this sounds like fun…

If you think people are out to get you and swindle you every time you go out for food then why bother?

Delatron · 01/02/2023 22:54

I’d quite happily sub any of my mates rather than they push a starter around and sip on tap water. Yet we’re unreasonable. In the same breathe you say ‘why is it shameful not to want to sub anyone’

I’m happy to sub people as it tends to all come out in the wash… It’s called generosity.

AllOutofEverything · 01/02/2023 22:59

I do not want anyone to constantly sub me.
I do not think people are being devious, I just think they have no understanding that people can come out and choose cheap options and have a lovely evening. And that there can be a big difference in bills between those who choose expensive options and those who choose cheap ones.
And I order tap water even if money is fine and I am also having wine. I am not keen on soft drinks, and bottled water is an environmental disaster and I will not support it with my money.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2023 23:15

RampantIvy · 01/02/2023 22:49

I agree with you @AllOutofEverything. I also mix with people from a wide range of backgrounds and would hate to make someone less well off than me feel awkward. Sneering at people who have to watch every penny is a very unpleasant character trait.

It really is.

Same with thinking it’s better to sub someone than just let them pay their share and not make it rude.

not a chance when I was struggling would I have wanted subbed - luckily my friends got it and we’re happy to just split the bill by what we had with no drama.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/02/2023 23:22

Good god this is what I’m talking about - nobody is being devious! At least nobody I have ever eaten out with.

Just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean that nobody has. People on this thread (and others) have attested to people being obvious about adding up their bill before suggesting either splitting/paying separately, depending on which gets them better value; with some even throwing a near tantrum and admitting that they would never have ordered the expensive options if they'd known that the bill wasn't being split!

Also, various dynamics of people end up eating out together as a group - it's not always just your close family or your own genuine decent friends.

CallieQ · 02/02/2023 01:22

If you think people are out to get you and swindle you every time you go out for food then why bother?

This

Thread has got totally ridiculous