To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

We go to places where we can order our own meals and pay when we order, OK we go to pubs but it saves all the hassle

Conveniently forgetting your drinks hey ;)

Me neither. Nor have I been to meals where one person orders 8 courses while another sticks to one. I think, socially, that would be very odd.

Perhaps we are lucky, according to the calculator crew this happens ALL the time ;)

I’ve been to work dos (public sector have to pay for yourself) and hobbby type group meals, where there’s been a huge disparity in what people are choosing and eating. It’s been helpful there where it’s been pre pre ordered, there was a list and drinks were ordered separately. because there are people who want to come but have vastly different spending patterns.

friends you go out with regularly, or family, it’s just different.

This is true. And of course if one person - for whatever reasons - ears or drinks significantly less that’s taken into account. I’m a bill splitter but of course if one person had only a starter and a glass of water someone would speak up for them. Same that it would be absolutely respected if someone said they’d prefer to pay for their own (for whatever reason, or none at all). Despite what many think I’m not out at dinner to get my 3x steak and vintage red wine paid for by my friends.

It always seems to be the people who want to calculate what they owe to the penny and "only had one diet coke and a side salad" who conveniently forget the service charge or have to leave early and duck out of paying the full share- at least in my experience. They also seem to benefit out of drinks rounds, they will have a double or a cocktail when you're buying but when it's their turn they either have to go home or they order you a single!

Honestly I can’t be bothered with everyone trying to work out their bit. When I go out with friends there isn’t anyone who sees it as a chance to order loads and then get away with paying less due to bill splitting. I wouldn’t be friends with people like that! I do have one friend who always wants to pay less though. To be fair she doesn’t eat meat and due to food intolerances she often won’t have desert. So her meal is usually a bit less than everyone else. I have to admit I find it a bit awkward and mean when she asks if she can just pay for what she’s had when the bill comes. It’s usually only £7-8 less than everyone else. I regularly don’t drink alcohol or eat desert either so I end up paying a bit more. But I wouldn’t dream of asking to just pay for what I’ve had. She always always asks to pay for her own stuff only. She doesn’t have money worries. Lives mortgage free. It’s up to her how she spends it. I know that. It just strikes me as unnecessarily stingy to ask to pay £7 less than everyone else! It’s not as if we go out every month. It’s probably three times a year!!

I have to admit I find it a bit awkward and mean when she asks if she can just pay for what she’s had when the bill comes

That says more about you than it does about your friend @BustyLaRoux. You don't sound like a very considerate "friend" TBH. What exactly is there to feel awkward about?

But why should she pay £7 more than what she owes everything you're out?

Alcohol free drinks often cost the same as house wine in my experience. Especially if the alcohol Lovers only have a glass because they are driving but others have the freshly squeezed orange juice or two coffees. The restaurant additional charges and tip are also the same. I had to pay a restaurant extra recently because a certain couple decided to pay separately and conveniently 'forgot' the cover charge, tip and service charge. They had also been quite superior throughout the meal because they weren't drinking in January. Good times.

I get that it’s her right to request to pay for what she’s had. I could do the same as my bill would also be less. I choose not to because I find it stingy and socially awkward. I know she can afford it. As can I. For the sake of £7 I’d rather not make myself look like a cheapskate. That’s just my opinion though.

Rampantivy it’s just my opinion. I find it mean. You don’t obviously. I won’t make a judgement about your character though!

Whenever I go out with the different social groups I belong to we have always paid for our own meals. It just seems the norm round here, which is why I don't get why people feel awkward about it.

We are talking about pub meals BTW, not high end restaurants.

Do you have revolut in the UK? It has become a game changer someone pays the bill and everyone just revoluts them what they owe so much simpler then everyone having to pay the server separately which sometimes the restaurant don't agree to

We just do a bank transfer @Dulra.
I belong to a fund raising charity and we often eat in the pub before the meeting. We all email our order to the person organising it who places just one order with the pub. We transfer the money to the organiser so she just pays the whole bill.

We get our drinks individually from the bar.

We do it this way because it gives us a quick turnaround as we only allow half an hour to eat before the meeting. Fine dining it is not

You do you.. maybe?

Have to say I quite like Weatherspoons for this for big gatherings.
You order and pay for your own food and drinks.
We used to have dreadful extended family meals out - BIL has anxiety about going out and that manifests itself in a need to control everything including the bill, which would be fine if he didn't leave off half the fizzy drinks they all guzzle and pocket our tip- so doing it separately on an app has totally transformed it !

What a horrible thing to say about a so-called friend.

I had to pay a restaurant extra recently because a certain couple decided to pay separately and conveniently 'forgot' the cover charge, tip and service charge.

Yes - this has happened to me quite a lot with the “I’ll just pay for my own” types…. Tips and/or an included service charge are particularly difficult, you may have just put down £10 for “yours” and scarpered, but the person left to pay the bill then has to pay your service or go through the excruciating process of asking someone to take part of the optional service charge off the bill.

Rampantivy and the norm in my social groups has always been to split. I think it’s a bit mean not to. And you think I’m an inconsiderate friend. I guess we’re all entitled to an opinion. The only thing I would say about that is that I know my friend well. And I know she can be a bit stingy. I have another friend from long ago who always refused to split the bill (often saving himself just £2!) and he was also on the stingy side. So perhaps it’s my experience of people I know who do this which makes me think of it as a bit mean. I don’t consider myself to be an inconsiderate friend at all. Quite the opposite in fact. I’m not really sure you know me well enough to make a judgement of my character but luckily I don’t take offence as life is too short ☺️

I'm happy to follow the consensus of everyone at the meal to be honest. It never bothers me either way.

What does wind me up though is people who, when you're on a night out, want to go in rounds and then never pay for a round themselves! Or maybe do one obligatory round. They get their drinks free all night! Or pay for 1 drink and actually drink about 6 or 7. That one really makes me grumpy.

Why on Earth would you find it awkward when a) she always does it so you know it’s coming and b) hers seems to always be the less so if she didn’t she’d always be subsidising everyone else?

I wouldn’t be letting the same friend be there out of pocket one every time. That’s just poor manners. Most of the time bill splitting works because of swings and roundabouts.

Yes, I think some of the people on this thread (as well as the bill-splitting public shamers) are imagining - or claiming - people are quibbling over pennies. In fact, in some cases, people's bills double or treble or more, when the bill-splitters' subs kick in.

Absolutely. The issue comes when it most definitely is NOT pennies. Often people just don’t think - they assume everyone has the same disposable income/attitude towards “splashing out” as they do.

I got caught out when much younger with a (older) friend who was celebrating. Fortunately I knew enough about wine to realise she was ordering expensive bottles so didn’t drink any but she still wanted to split the bill. I was mortified to have to say I couldn’t - I just didn’t have that money. That’s what a lot of people don’t realise: it’s very embarrassing to feel you could be accused of “being tight”.

And there absolutely ARE people who will very deliberately take the piss. I was travelling abroad with a group with a girl who would order, THEN decide when the bill arrived whether or not she would contribute to a split bill. Took us a while to realise she was only agreeing to splitting the bill when she’d get more than she’d paid for! We then made her commit at the beginning of each meal as to how she was going to pay.

Similarly, someone whose company I enjoy, but has a tendency to play fast and loose with other people’s money, came out with us in a big group. He hadn’t noticed we’d asked for separate bills (the staff offered it as there were a LOT of us and it made it easier for them to allocate food/drinks to a seat then bill accordingly). He’d merrily ordered extra courses, sides, pudding AND starter etc. His face when he was presented with “his” bill was an absolute picture

How is it 'mean' or 'stingy' to not want to subsidise someone else's meal?

I would like to add that when DH and I eat out with another couple and we all have pretty much the same in terms of value we just split the bill. It's when I am in a group of say 12 people from one of my hobbies and we all eat foods that are very different in price that we all pay for our own - and we buy our drinks separately from the bar.