To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

No, that they dine with people with such different approaches to dining out. I have friends who are vegetarian or gluten free. I don’t drink much myself. It still never creates this huge divide in how we approach the meal with some ordering 8 courses and bottles of spirits whole others sit with their spaghetti and tomato sauce, sipping their tap water. It just never happens. And seems quite a misfit.

I would be OK with splitting the bill equally if everyone had roughly the same value food and drink, give or take a few pounds.

But if, for instance, someone customarily ordered the most expensive meals, plus a starter, dessert and more than one drink, and I customarily had only a normal priced meal and only one or no drinks, I wouldn't be happy.

I would not feel comfortable insisting that the bill be worked out for each person so I would probably not go out with people who regularly did this.

Say at the beginning of the meal or when you make plans that you will be paying for what you have and therefore not participating in dividing the bill. The others can still divide the bill once your costs are taken out.

I also don't understand the huge discrepancy in what people order.
I can't imagine going out with friends and ordering 3 courses whilst they have 1.
The idea of sitting there eating whilst everyone else waits around for me to be done so the main course can come is horrifying.
In fact, the first words to come out of my mouth once we are seated are generally 'are we doing starters?' 🤣

I can't imagine going out with friends and ordering 3 courses whilst they have 1.

DH can't eat three courses after his cancer surgery, so it does happen.

We always say are we having starters. But if there is nothing I fancy I will happily sit and eat nothing while everyone else has something.

YANBU

I hate the narrative that the bill splitters are “tight” when they are not the ones expecting everyone else to subsidise their food and drink

Posted too soon

In fact, the first words to come out of my mouth once we are seated are generally 'are we doing starters?

Yes, we do this. DH never has a starter.

Yes. This is mental. The usual thing whenever I've been out for a meal is that everyone knows how much theirs will come to and pays it. Without calculators and without suggesting paying equal amounts for disparate orders.

I think it's a fair interpretation. Why else behave like that? Unless it's to cover up their numerical illiteracy, if they're unable to work out how much their bill comes to.

I think it's a fair interpretation. Why else behave like that? Unless it's to cover up their numerical illiteracy, if they're unable to work out how much their bill comes to.

I guess I just run in very different circles to some posters, as I have never been out for dinner with anyone that seems to be trying to get out of the experience what they can.

It baffles me.

It's meant to be an enjoyable experience, not 'how can I get Margaret to pay for my starter?'

If you think a bill is unfair or just want to pay for literally what you’ve eaten then you need to say. I don’t keep tabs on what everyone drinks and eats on a group night out - I generally go along with splitting the bill and certainly wouldn’t think oh hang on, x or y didn’t have a starter. Sometimes I don’t drink alcohol (as a pp said I’ll have an AF beer maybe so it’s not far off if others aren’t going mad) or I have a small salad but I shrug and count it as a meal out

DH can't eat three courses after his cancer surgery, so it does happen.

And so, if I went for dinner with him, I'd also stick with one course.

Not because there's no chance to do it out of a few quid, but because that's the polite thing to do IMO

TBH round here food portions are pretty substantial so I never eat a three course meal either.

We went out for a work do a few years ago, I say with my friend and we were the lowest paid people out of the 20 of us. I had a bottle of wine with my meal, as did several others on our table, but Sam wasn't driving a didn't have a pudding.

At the end of the meal, it was suggested that we split the bill and Sam was worried as she didn't have enough, so I spoke up (being slightly pissed) stating it wasn't fair and detailed why.

She was really grateful and although some people moaned (those who had consumed loads), when they'd moved to the bar, at least 4 others came over to say thank you, that they felt the same and would have been out of pocket.

NHS band 2 and 3 can't compete with band 6-8

We usually ask for separate bills when we first order, then we don't have to worry about splitting after. Makes it easier all round. The servers prefer to know ahead of time.

I can't imagine going out with friends and ordering 3 courses whilst they have 1.

It happens though, at least in my experience anyway.

For example, in our last meal, only a couple of us had starters, and the rest of us chatted away as we have been since we sat down.

One or two people may have dessert but I have coffee at that point of the evening.

People should feel free to have what they fancy that evening without feeling embarrassed. If they want 3 courses and drinks, that's fine. If they only want a main course and tap water, then that is also fine. Nobody should feel restricted on what is meant to be an enjoyable night out.

I always make it clear I don’t split the bill at the start.
About 15 years ago we went out with a group of friends, 8 of us in total. When the bill came it was suggested we split. While I didn’t mind so much for the food, we were expected to split a bar bill of £390. I don’t drink and my husband was on antibiotics. We had also paid for our soft drinks as we went.
Apparently we ruined a great night with our stinginess!

No longer our friends…

I run a social group with two friends and when we have a meal out with our group we have one bill but everyone pays for what they have had, That seems to work out mostly quite well. Just have to make sure have removed service charge as that is often added on.

God this thread is so tiresome. It's like no one has any agency nowadays.

If you just want to pay for the food you eat, say something BEFORE the meal.

Easy with friends. With colleagues /acquaintances have a word with the organiser & /or the waiter.

Me too, but now if anyone I don’t know well ever does state upfront at the start of the meal that we will pay for what we consume, instead of just thinking they like to be clear about things, I’m going to wonder whether they think i look like someone who’s out to fleece them with my “steak and red wine guzzling”

Yup! I never agree to split the bill unless we’ve ordered similar. If we’ve ordered two £8.99 meals then I’ll put £20 on the table and state that’s my share

Totally agree. Nothing wrong with actually paying for what you ate/drank rather than finding other peoples over eating/drinking

I used to have this issue, but eventually started quietly telling my server, "This is a separate bill, please." I don't make a big deal out of it at all, don't announce it, I just do it. It saves a LOT of back-and-forthing.

@WFHbore2023

I guess I just run in very different circles to some posters, as I have never been out for dinner with anyone that seems to be trying to get out of the experience what they can

Nor me... when we go out with friends we generally split the bill , it's more friendly