To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

it's not hard work, but it is far more effort than X by Y, and a bit of admin interrupting what should be a fun relaxing time with friends. As I said in my initial post, I don't resent doing it if someone would be screwed over or if they have requested to share the bill that way, but I do find it a pain in the ass and does effect the mood as people are not focusing on socialising any more, but on arithmetic.

When i go out with friends, we always split. Unless one person isn't drinking and obviously we ensure they pay less

Don't pick the cheapest item. Pick what you want

Yanbu but you need to say upfront or at least once the bill has come that you'd just like to pay what you owe.

I agree. I belong to a few different social groups and nobody gets annoyed or upset about everyone just paying for their own meal (plus a tip). It is completely the norm.

So did you go home and work it all out?

Its £2 difference. Fiver a person.

Just order steak next time you go out with them. And a decent bottle of red. And a pudding!

£20 oops!

Your ‘friends’ are maybe taking you for a ride? It isn’t normal to go all out knowing someone else is on a budget then ask to split the bill. Eat out with friends who have similar disposable income

this

But what if you can't afford to pick what you want?

If it doesn't even out then you have to be upfront about it.

We always just split the bill but if someone only had a main or wasn't drinking I'd be mindful and exclude them from the total split.

I've also been in groups where I am not drinking but can afford it, so see it as working out over time and a pita to carve out my bit... as I might have had a more expensive starter and where do you draw the line but that's because I can afford it and don't manage an eating out budget.

I also don't go out with people who order shots as rounds for the table or ££££ wine I don't drink.

I think you need to be honest and say this is how much we are spending. We can't afford more.

YANBU to pay what you have eaten if that what you can afford. YABU to expect people to know this without saying.

Be upfront that you need separate bills. I have a friend who's lovely in lots of ways but would ALWAYS make sure her meal was effectively subdidised by me when we ate out together. She would arrive early and by the time I arrived would be a long way down a very large glass of wine. She might even be on her second by the time I got there (on time, not late). I rarely drink but if I do it's a glass of wine, two at a stretch. She'd order a bottle to have with the meal and always suggest 'one for the road' after - although I'd definitely be on water by then. It really pissed me off. In the end I just told her I need to be careful with my spending and we need to have separate bills. It wasn't a problem and I wish I'd done it years ago.

Still some tone deaf posters posting on here

I actually have never met anyone who splits the bill.
my group of friends luckily always works out our own bills and pays for that. We always have. It’s not embarrassing or socially awkward. And thank goodness my friends don’t see it as such. What a weird thing to think that it’s not ok
to pay for what you’ve ordered. It’s very easy to do, and makes total sense. What doesn’t make
sense is splitting the bill when everyone has had something different, that’s madness.
im so glad my friends see that.
as I said, I’ve never met anyone in real life (and I’m 40!!!) who splits the bill.

😂🙈 you’d rather pay for food you didn’t eat than add up the cost of what you did eat and pay for it?! Are you made of money!!!
this is quite frankly a mental attitude!!!!

I once went out with a group of people from work I wouldn’t be socialising with otherwise. Mostly men in senior positions. They were awful and the whole meal was competitive spending. Ordering the most expensive red wine on the menu, having steak tartare for main and then dessert because they wanted more meat, lots of after dinner shots- ‘oh you must try this aged brandy’. I had a bottle of beer (deliberately avoiding the wine) and a fish main course. Cost about £20. When the bill came it was over £100 a head and they all just shrugged and got their cards out to split it. No way could I have afforded that! Thankfully I had cash so when they all chucked their cards in a pile for the split I just put £40 in the pile as well. they didn’t care but there was just no consideration for their (much) junior colleague.

Pay your on own bill, but be careful of those who suggest a botle of (expensive) wine for the table. If paying for yourself, make sure you also pay for your own drinks.
I have been out with friends, and we have done both, but if paying only for yourself, then decide whether to include extra for service, etc (or if included in the bill, then this must also be included in your payment).
Make sure you make it clear to the staff when ordering, etc

I don’t see why the waiter, when people order, can’t write each one/couple’s bill as if they came in separately so at the end of the meal everyone has their own bill. Of course sharing bottles have to be shared if you drink from them, best order a glass.

soft drinks or coffees sometimes taste the same as alcohol - saw a half pint of beer or cider or something. Makes no real difference if someone is drinking alcohol or not IMO. It needs to be fair and if someone is taking the piss, they need to be told not to take the piss. Or not bother with them anymore.

It’s swings and roundabouts and tends to even out. I don’t mind paying a bit extra to maintain a good atmosphere though, no. Because I don’t resent the risk of paying a few pounds of my friends’ share.

DH has had upper GI surgery and can't eat a big meal. Why should he subsidise someone else who can eat three courses? He can't even finish a main course these days.

I am also surprised at how many people go out for dinner with people vastly different to them. So many teetotal vegetarian gastric band people with their steak for starter main and desert and downing bottles of champagne friends. This never happens in my life. Normally there’s a “are people having a starter/ shall we look at the desert menu” conversations but people - very broadly - seem to reflect each other.

I am also surprised at how many people go out for dinner with people vastly different to them.

I'm pleased this thread has enlightened you.

I feel you. I went out with mil, sil and my teenage dd for lunch recently. We all had two courses but mil were both more expensive. The three adults were drinking and we had a cocktail/G&t instead of dessert.

The bill came and mil just said 'let's split it in half' so she paid half for her and her dd (my sil) and I paid half for my and dd. Except our half should have been £15 cheaper than their bill as dd only had two soft drinks!

My sil gave me some money after as she could see I wasn't happy. It was less about the money though and more than mil was treating sil and not us but then wasn't fully treating sil as I was subsidising her!

I’ve been called alsorts in the past about this. Recall years ago being totally skint. I ordered the pizza for £4.99 and tap water. Refused to split the bill. Then we found out that the restaurant had applied an automatic 10% to the bill so this had to be split as well. But my share of the bill ended up being £10! I was fuming as 10% on my bill should have literally been 50p. Somehow I ended up with a 100% service charge for my carefully selected food and they couldn’t understand why I kicked off. But no one could be bothered to work out their own bill plus their own service charge.

I don’t drink and rarely have a starter or desert as I usually find I can’t eat that much. I often just have tap water as I can’t drink much juice over an evening. I have some groups of friends who are good about this and often ask me to work out my bill and then they will split the rest between everyone else. Not always though. I paid a hefty price last time I went out for a meal. I did have one juice and one hit drink instead of desert. I opted out of a starter but then someone else ordered a sharing platter on behalf of the table and they couldn’t finish it so I did have a small bit. I deliberately ordered an expensive main though as I knew it would end up getting split. But even with that I paid way more than I had eaten ans drink. And it was a pricier place than I’d usually go to.

Surprised that people have different dietary requirements and tastes? Really?

I'm one of the vegetarian teetotallers that you're referring to. It's never been an issue in my current circle of friends.

We also have a GF vegetarian in the group who usually drives so no alcohol for her either, and on the other end we have the drinks before, drinks during and drinks after person who will order a fancy dish.

Everyone pays for their own and have always done. Nothing awkward about that.