So angry at all these threads on useless and selfish men

[Winterday1991]

Off the back of the thread where the H refuses to care for his sick child so the OP can get some much needed rest as he is on annual leave from work 😡. I am seriously fed up of reading threads like this, why are so many men so selfish?

Why is it always women who have to do the lions share of caring, pulling themselves in all direction whilst their male counterparts glide through life uninterrupted? Why is it always women who carry the mental load for family life and the men just show up. Why is always women responsible for maintaining the household?

Even in the 21st century, why do so many men get such a bloody easy ride, whilst often their poor wives/partners are running around like headless chickens keeping on top of everything.

I'm sure it's already been said but it's like mil threads, people come here to vent.

My DH touch wood has been amazing and an absolutely amazing dad.

Anything and everything. Do you think men don't have a different perspective?

Different yes, worth listening to no.

Threads that ban women are every other thread on the internet? Come on now...

So men hold no value? That’s a really gross thing to say. I have a daughter and a son and I’m planning on bringing them both up to have valuable opinions on a variety of different topics.

You can’t expect men to change if you have attitudes like yours.

My point is that the forum self selects for disgruntled people and is therefore likely to massively overestimate the scale of the problem of crap male partners. (Do some basic googling on selection bias, please.)

The only way to truly know the scale of the issue would be to randomly sample 1,000 or more heterosexual, partnered women with kids in the UK and ask them about the division of childcare, etc.

This is the breed of feminism that gives feminism a bad name.

And if a man implied there was no reason to get a female perspective on parenting...? Are you for real? Or is your misandry just knee jerk and comprehensive?
Seriously, your last couple of posts are embarrassing

I couldn't agree more.

Exactly.

Im here but my partner does 50% in the house and 50% of parenting, as well as earning 50% of our income. But I’m not going to ask if it’s unreasonable am I? Because it’s not. Its just expected in my home as normal.

@StressedSquirrel

Yeah I don't need to Google selection bias but maybe you should Google mental load and division of labour?

I don't think aibu on this issue is as unrepresentative as you'd think.

They often resent role changes especially after children and the absolute worst is if you work full time after being their life manager slave.
Do nor give up your career

I believe I am being misrepresented here. My argument is that there is nothing on this earth that needs the unique perspective of people who are born/living as male.

Whereas, there are many things that would require the perspective of people uniquely born/living as a female, such as sexual assault, abortion, feminism etc.

The mental load is the one part of parenting that I genuinely find difficult, because I find if you do try to divide it, things slip through. And I do think even in very equal partnerships, it does tend to fall on the mother. I really don’t think there is a good answer to that particular issue except maybe that organising shit is classed as a household chore and the other partner picks up some extra things to allow the partnership to be equal but not the same.

Which, now I think of it, probably happens in my house tbh.

LOL. I think we've reached an impasse.

Perhaps someone blessed with a more enlightened feminism can take on the misandry. I hope they can do it without reflecting any of the sexism.

Fair play for keeping it good natured though. Takes wisdom, empathy and restraint to not jump to conclusions about others. Reading the last couple of pages, it's only the men and the tradwives on here who seem to exhibit any of that.

@SandraCumin

Being a dad requires a uniquely male perspective

At the risk of, flogging a dead horse here, I am saying that WE DON'T KNOW the true scale of the issue because AIBU is actively selecting for people who are pissed off.
This makes it likely that AIBU over represents women in unequal partnerships. It's a bit like only going to your local labour party events to survey people in order to try and gauge what the likely level of support for labour will be at the next election.

Being a father requires nothing outside of what any parent of any gender can do. Children are often brought up with only a Mother or two Mothers and it does them no harm whatsoever.

@StressedSquirrel

Well, at risk of flogging the other horse, we do know.

Theres loads and loads of research to show the extent of the problem

Similarly, children can be brought up with a single father or two fathers and it does them no harm. Not sure what your point is?

Also, once my children were birthed there was nothing I could do that their father couldn’t also do.

@SandraCumin

I disagree

There's lots of research which shows the importance of fathers and father figures

Denying this only makes the problem worse and allows men to walk away / not do their share

Mothers want the fathers of their children to understand the issues they have as mothers, to empathise and to help and support, them.

I think it's only fair that we also listen to them, to understand what it's like to be a father. Don't you?

The point being that ‘father’ is not a unique perspective at all. It falls under the auspice of parenthood.

Does your baby enjoy their father’s breastmilk?