So angry at all these threads on useless and selfish men

[Winterday1991]

Off the back of the thread where the H refuses to care for his sick child so the OP can get some much needed rest as he is on annual leave from work 😡. I am seriously fed up of reading threads like this, why are so many men so selfish?

Why is it always women who have to do the lions share of caring, pulling themselves in all direction whilst their male counterparts glide through life uninterrupted? Why is it always women who carry the mental load for family life and the men just show up. Why is always women responsible for maintaining the household?

Even in the 21st century, why do so many men get such a bloody easy ride, whilst often their poor wives/partners are running around like headless chickens keeping on top of everything.

@BigFatLiar excellent username.

Also really hppe that smugbomb doesn't explode in your face someday. Probably best to stop inflating it further, just in case.

It would be if you didn’t gatekeep most of your professions and make it impossible for women to have roles in those institutions.

And in truth, if a house is burning, you can bet your mortgage it will have been a man responsible in the first place.

So that means that a SAHP should do all housework and a working parent who’s financially supporting a SAHP shouldn’t need to lift a finger? Because you only reference ‘work outside the home’.

And when you need rescued from the top floor of your burning house (there are female firefighters you know?)

or need emergency brain surgery (are you suggesting that drs capable of intricate surgery are men? Haven’t statistics shown that patients are safer when being operated on by a woman? Particularly if they are a female patient!)

or need cutting out of a crashed car (again, women are capable of operating heavy machinery, but typically men keep women out of such professions)

or rescued from a knife wielding maniac (who is more likely to be a man than a woman)

chances are it'll be a woman that comes to your rescue, right? MRAs use these kinds of arguments on Twitter. At the end of the day most are bullshit, but it often reads as desperately trying to justify men because they can lift more than women, and it really doesn’t paint men in a good light, or do them many favours. But men can lift heavy objects - as if that makes up for everything else 🤣

And when you need rescued from the top floor of your burning house, or need emergency brain surgery, or need cutting out of a crashed car, or rescued from a knife wielding maniac....chances are it'll be a woman that comes to your rescue, right?

Do you actually think that men are inherently better at these jobs?

They aren’t. The argument I always hear is that we need men because who will protect us in a war but they fail to realise that the best warriors in history have always been women (I.e the Dahomey Amazons who actually had a film about them recently that you should absolutely watch for a good dose of female empowerment done right).

But men can lift heavy objects - as if that makes up for everything else 🤣

Bit desperate, isn't it? Donkeys can carry a heavier load than me and much as some of them are cute, I don't feel the need to elevate them to some kind of superior beings or have one live in my house.

@SandraCumin

It was a rhetorical question. Of course they are not inherently better.

Who knew it took a penis to be a brain surgeon

Female medical students out number and out perform male medical students up to cons level

And why, I hear you ask are there less female consultants?

Because they have kids and go on mat leave/part time while the men don't

As long as this keeps happening nothing will change

Why have kids you don't actually want to parent?

Dp booked child no 2 parents evening.
Booked both girls in for ears piercing.
Cooked dinner.
Emptied dishwasher and then refilled it and set it off.
All after working a full day, home to manage staff and materials for next week.

He's gone for a lie down the mental load was too much after booking parents evening.😂

No you have misunderstood me. You take the hours each person works in their 'job' (whether employed, properly self-employed, WFH or whatever), the the one with less hours does more housework/childcare up to that level, then the rest is shared.

e.g. person 1 works 40 hours at their employment plus commute time.
person 2 works 25 hours and has no significant commute.
Person 2 does approx. 15 extra hours of housework/childcare.
The rest of the housework/childcare is split equally.
So they both get the same leisure and rest time.

If person 2 is a SAHP, they do 40 hours of housework/childcare before the rest is split, again to achieve equal leisure/rest.

Wwll maybe you lucked out finding a guy who is a mature adult. In my culture men are raised up that women do everything for them. So it's not me picking wrong men when there is a culture issue. And naw I wouldnt marry a guy who was raised that way

@PrincessConstance

Maybe if you went for a lie down you might understand the point?

OK. So here's where I've arrived at. My manifesto.

1. Mental load exists. It has a subjective element, which is greatly amplified by the capabilities and perceptions of the person experiencing it, but it is real.
2. It is possible that even with an equitable contribution to the physical chores by one partner, an irreducible level of mental load remains for the other - it's not just doing the task but worrying about whether it was done right. In the extreme, I suppose it is possible for both partners to each have excessive mental load worrying about the same thing (I would imagine high levels of debt comes into this category).
3. There is no deterministic relationship between time spent on a task and the mental load that task represents, or the economic value of that task. This is most apparent in a comparison between the compensation for physical work and mental load in a commercial role: a. Physical work is an arithmetic function. If you operate a supermarket checkout aisle and want to earn twice as much you'll have to do a double shift. b. Mental load work is a geometric function. If you manage a team of 5 salespeople, and you want to earn twice as much - provided you are good enough you could manage a team of 10. Or 20. Or 50. Or thousands ...
4. Commercial organisations recognise this and compensate people who are good at coping with very large mental loads very well. Very, very well.
5. But ... not everyone is equally good at coping with a mental load. If you stress out at the thought of remembering a birthday card, booking a dental appointment and choosing a holiday ... you're a bit of a drama llama. You're certainly no FTSE 100 CEO being thwarted by the glass ceiling.
6. People who are very good at managing mental load can make it look easy. (Irritating shits that they are).
7. There are no sex-based differences between those who are good at dealing with mental loads and those who aren't.
8. There are no sex-based differences in the toll that a high mental load takes on the individual experiencing it.
9. All other things being equal, a couple could improve their net worth if the partner with the greater capacity for mental load concentrated their efforts in the domain where it is more highly compensated, namely paid work outside the home. But equally, it is a valid choice to forego maximising net worth and to prioritise a more equitable distribution of time spent on physical work inside the home.
10. But one intractable problem remains. If some aspects of mental load are indivisible, and because the mental load incurred managing the household is seldom financially compensated, there will always be an apparent imbalance to the detriment of the person who experiences the household mental load.

I think, having reviewed the above, that OP is being a little bit unreasonable. There may be some bias on this thread from posters who have experienced great misfortune in their choice of partner. I am prepared to concede that, based on the posts shared, there may be a correlation - perhaps even a strong one - between the sex of the partner and a propensity for fecklessness, laziness or stupidity. But I don't think it can be said conclusively that the sex of either partner determines whether either will be feckless, lazy or stupid.

Why would you presume that only one 1 half of the couple would be capable of working outside the home?

If it's net gain you want surely both should work outside the home?

My professions? I'm not simultaneously doing all those jobs lol.

I seriously doubt men are any more likely to start fires. They tend to have better understanding of things like safe electrical load and more likely to know how to turn off the gas etc.

I'm not rooting for the men. I just find these kind of threads distasteful. Imagine if somebody who was clearly a misogynist joked on here about how they'd like to hit women. Yeah, it'd be pretty grim in reverse.

I'm presuming that the physical element / time spent on that job is a zero-sum game. I'm also presuming that there is a finite, baseline level of physical work required to effectively run the household.

Obviously both partners are capable of holding down jobs, but one would have a comparative advantage. As I've previously posted, it doesn't matter which partner that is, or their sex.

It would be if you didn’t gatekeep most of your professions and make it impossible for women to have roles in those institutions.

Looks like I'm going to have to congratulate myself on achieving the impossible then.

but they fail to realise that the best warriors in history have always been women (I.e the Dahomey Amazon's)

LOL.

Have you ever put gloves on and tried to fight a man or tried to grapple one? I have on hundreds of occasions.

but one would have a comparative advantage.

Huh?

Why?

Well I hope you gave them all a good thrashing for their trouble. I however am not the violent sort so have had no business grappling with anybody, I am sorry to say.

Oh hang on, I’ve just cottoned on to what’s going on here, do I understand it right that @PeanutButterSmoothie is claiming to be a woman?

Why would you want that? You're coming across a bit like a crazy old Miss Havisham lol.

It's only on here that anyone who challenges sexism is called a man. Most women like men and roll their eyes at crazy man haters.

Yeah, they're more violent as a sex but I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are more decent men than bad men. Certainly more heroes than murderers.

No but neither are women as has been suggested by the OP

Although her comments are so funny I can't quite work out if she's joking or serious.