is it unacceptable to take 3 kids under ten

[billybonbon]

to a pub from 2pm in the afternoon till about 8 at night and drink hard spirits

Too little info.

Was it a pub meal followed perhaps by watching football? Unsure why you can't just say the drink unless use of hard spirit is to sway our responses. A landlord will not risk their licence selling to a drunk expecially if they have kids with them.

Agree this sounds like info probed from a child by an ex looking for reasons to fight with their ex.

This ^

If the alternative is sitting at home with them, drinking to excess where no one can see or intervene, the pub isn’t such a bad idea.

This is sad but true!

This is really not always the case!

Yes unacceptable!

I think kids should be out of the pub by 6pm and if the adult had been in their drinking from 2pm by 8pm surely they are rather quite drunk to put it mildly!

I can't believe some people are more concerned on arguing what spirits were ordered over acknowledging that children were in a pub for 6 hours because the adult decided a pub trip was more important than his kids.

There's historic concerns about alcohol, the children expressed concerns and people still seem to think it makes a difference if the adult responsible for the children was drinking the right sort of spirits.

I'd be annoyed if anyone had my children for a period of time and decided 6 hours in a pub was the right thing for them, even if the adult drank orange juice the whole time. Children don't want to spend a huge chunk of their day sitting in a pub because the adult puts their wants before the children.

Thank you I’m not quite sure what the obsession is of naming the drink, I guessed some might think it dependant on what was drunk so gave the category. Have to say I was suprised at a child knowing this drunk though.

im sorry if my child coming home and relaying fears and worries offends some people. Do your children not ever come and talk to you when they have had a bad experience at school etc?
allmof a sudden iv interrogated her. If I had of done I’d have a lot more information than this.
historically the child contact has been them
being left with a family member they did not know without dad or his partner. Which I stoped and then again being taken to parties which I have clearly stated they do not like
this isn’t about me trying to get back at my ex I just wish they would be normal and spend the time they do have not drunk or just not go ahead with contact

im asking for opinions because I’m trying to be fair to them and see the other side of it

And when I say parties I mean piss ups in someone’s garden from afternoon until late and on one occasion walking home with 2 drunk adults at 11pm!

billybonbon
I would imagine the obsession with naming the spirit is because for a lot of people it matters whether the person drinking is the right type of drinker.

Eg larger and cheap vodka all day, would make it irresponsible and the person would be a wrong'un for expecting their children to spend 6 hours in a pub over a whole range of alternative child-friendly options, but if they're sipping a few swanky G&Ts with a naice tonic then all of a sudden it would be fine for a children to be shoved into a pub for the best part of a day.

You see a similar thing on a range of alcohol threads. It's also why people can be quick to minimise alcohol problems where the person concerned has a well respected/senior/professional job because there's obviously nothing wrong with sinking a bottle or two of wine a night. It's just unwinding after a long and stressful day. But if someone with a less 'respectable' job consumed the same units of alcohol they'd obviously be an alcoholic.

Identifying this though usually gets dismissed as pearl clutching and being someone who thinks a thimble of sherry a year is excessive.

You're absolutely right to listen to your children. Why would a parent not want to listen to their children?

If anyone else is reading this thread and thinking of doing one in the future, please don't drip feed like the OP has in the name of suprious neutraility. Give as much info in the first post as possible, and if your bias shines through then so be it.

My opinion is that regardless of good or bad parenting, this is not safe parenting.

At best it is lazy, at worst …….. ?

We used to sometimes go with friends to a child friendly pub? for lunch. It was invariably me and the other mothers who were up and down, checking on the children, playing with them, keeping them from getting bored, and ultimately leaving early with the kids.

The ones who enjoyed themselves the most and stayed til late? Well that was the dads of course!

@billybonbon I don't know what you want from us? Agreement or a way to stop it

Sorry didn’t see that in the rules!

Kind of sorry I even posted now
looking gif general advice as a mum who wants her children to see their dad but also values their safety and well-being and feels completely lost with it all!

Thank you for your reply. I think that’s what I need to understand if it’s safe and it doesn’t feel it
on the other hand I don’t want my children growing up without a dad and if I say anything (again) it’s potentially no going to mess with their relationship

The thing is you never made clear in your first post that your ex and his partner are either alcoholics or binge drinkers.

My DD and a neighbours child both like going to certain pubs as they like the food and the fact they can play there. One is actually the same pub and they get to play with other children in the garden in summer.

Anyway how old are your children?

Sorry I mean how old is your eldest?

I have pals who do this with their kids. Sunday afternoon in the pub. And I’m not talking a quaint little pub with a big garden and loads of families either. I’m talking dingy boozers with the football on.

i think they’re having a few beers and a bite to eat and probably not getting wrecked. But I don’t get it and I don’t think it’s good parenting. It’s shit for the kids and it’s selfish.

i am also full of awe that their kids will sit there all afternoon because mine simply would never.

Of course it isn't good. But there's clearly a massive backstory here.

I don't see anything wrong at all with an afternoon in a family friendly pub, that has a play area or similar even if the parents are drinking spirits.

I would have an issue with a parent with 3 young children getting hammered all afternoon and the children being scared, especially if there was a history of alcohol abuse

It is worth noting though that the licensee of the pub wouldn't allow an adult in charge of children to get drunk, they would have refused to serve the adult

I can’t believe people think that drinking spirits for 6 hours is OK for one child, let alone 3 to be around. It doesn’t matter if the parent looked like they ‘could handle it’ or whatever, this is not OK parenting by any stretch and likely to be the tip of the iceberg.

That so many people think that kids should be OK with adult all day drinking is pretty shocking to be honest.

Spending half the day in the pub with three young children is not ok imo

And OP if this is your Ex, I would actually be lodging with social services and talking to childline that this is a concern. And I would be talking about changing childcare arrangements to a shorter time (not all weekend) until there is some trust that they are actually going to parent your kids. It’s not OK for them to be around all day drinking, no kid should be.

And I’m not being puritanical. I like a drink! One Christmas Day I got quite merry on Prosecco, but there were other adults around who were not drinking, and it was a one off.

But normalising all day drinking around kids is harmful and unsafe.

This is exactly how I feel I’m not against drinking but you adapt it when there’s kids. I just couldn’t work out if I was being over the top or not!