is it unacceptable to take 3 kids under ten

[billybonbon]

to a pub from 2pm in the afternoon till about 8 at night and drink hard spirits

is it your ex?

I think you need to get the facts before posting the question as it could all be for nothing. How old is your child informant?

As a kid this was a normal occurrence, we go from midday until 10/11 at night some days. My Nan and uncle worked there so was slightly different but we were never bored, we had snooker, darts, machines, we also collected glasses. Depends I suppose on what’s at the pub.... the have tech no to keep kids quiet, didn’t have phones & tabs to keep us occupied back then.

Unless it’s a family meal which goes on for a few hours I don’t think pubs are places that kids should be for hours on end whilst parents get pissed. My friend does it, always has. Her eldest is coming up 30 and isn’t a big drinker herself like her mum, but her youngest is an impressionable teen. Nothing wrong with an hour or two, but all afternoon, no.

It entirely depends. I have been known to spend Sunday afternoon at the rugby club after ds has played a game

Ds friends are there. He used to love it. Some of his happiest memories. If his friends families went, we wouldn’t stay and do something else. I saw my friends and had a nice time. So did Ds. I was drinking and we walked home. I only drink spirits. Don’t like wine or beer but I would have 2 or 3 across 4-5 hours. Wouldn’t be even tipsy.

my best friend grew up with parents who were alcoholic and would take her to the pub on a Sunday. Non of her friends were there. She would only be allowed one drink all day and had to sit quietly away from them. Then try and help them home, hammered. Where they would pass out and she would have to feed herself and put herself to bed. From about the age of 5. That’s not ok.

2 situations can sound similar but be completely different.

We sadly had similar with our cat. It’s more common there are issues as they get older and the drugs took an age to kick in. She bit the vets, struggled and clawed at everyone. It was quite traumatic but apparently not that odd. Sorry for your loss, it really is horrible getting over a pet.

1. Drinking spirits: Drinaware.co.uk website states that a single measure of spirit has 1 unit. A pint of beer or lager etc has 2 sometimes a bit more. Drinking 4 units across 6 hours is fine so it depends on whether the parent or guardian was drunk.
2. 6 hours in a pub with 3 under 10s: it's very boring for the children even if it's a family meal however:

• some pubs have entertainment suitable for children!
• some pubs have homely environment and small nooks and rooms feels like you are in someone's living room. They're not open plan like a Weatherspoons.
• some children may be playing nicely and busy enough with gadgets or cousins etc.
• sometimes you only see family members once every few months, this is a special occasion. It's different if this is a weekly or monthly thing then it's very boring for the children.

I personally think staying so long is boring for children, heck it's boring for me! But it's only a safeguarding problem if the children are upset, forced to sit there around scary drunks and the person responsible for them is pissed.

as a child sundays were spent in the car while dm was in the pub

If drunk then it is a criminal offence under Licensing Act 1902 to be drunk in charge of a child in a public place.

We found easily spend that long at the local brewers fayre when dc were smaller. They'd use the soft play, do the colouring sheets, maybe have a bit of iPad time. I'd enjoy a couple of wines or G&T with friends and dc wound okay together. We'd also sit at another bar in a shopping centre, dc would go to toy shop and get a top model book or similar and play pool. Different if day in a corner of a dingy bar with nothing to do while adults get hammered however licensing laws surrounding children in pubs are really quite strict these days so it's unlikely that scenario is what actually happened

When I have spent a longer amount of time with my kids in a pub it has been under the following circumstances:

It has been a family or friend get together
It was a child friendly pub - swings / playground
Other DC were present so they played together
1 parent might have had a drink or 2, the other parent drank soft drinks as was driving.

The above is acceptable.
Your scenario sounds too long and centred around adult drinking which isn't great.

They child has told me exactly the type of drink that was ordered which is a hard spirit

How many drinks?

Agree more context needed. “Pub” covers a multitude of possibilities. A family afternoon get together and Sunday meal where one parent has 3 or 4 G&Ts and the other just one because he’s driving? No problem at all - sounds like a nice afternoon. A back street boozer where one parent gets plastered all day and the kids aren’t fed? Not good at all.

your post is too vague. That could encompass neglect to a family event where the kids were happily playing.

The length of time thought suggests it might be closer on the spectrum to the former.

Even the best behaved young children would struggle with 6 hours unless it had a massive adventure playground, appropriate places to play and run. We are also now in the middle of winter and it’s bloody freezing so the jolly play scenario feels even less likely.

Was it your ex with their new partner and your kids?

6 hours seems way too long for kids to be in a pub. Even with entertainment for kids. But I have to admit to some bias. I’m pretty intolerant of having kids around alcohol. (I grew up above a family pub and it put me off alcohol, and drunk people, for life. With good reason).

If it was a special family meet up or similar, and if by hard spirits you mean consuming a couple, (2, maybe 3), of shots or equivalent over 6 hours, then okay. The person in charge of the kids would then have not been drunk So probably okay. (But I wouldn’t do it, nor would I have let my kids go into that situation with anyone. And if someone had taken my kids into a pub for 6 hours without giving me advance warning so I could say no, I’d be furious).

See’s children 2 x a month
provided a crossword for kids
child repeated the exact drinks ordered which equates to hard spirits

Was not a family event

Family event in a pub's function room with friends/cousins and appropriate non-drinking adults around whilst other adults have a couple of drinks - fine to me

Sitting in a pub for 6 hours and having to entertain themselves or put up with boredom because another adult prioritises sitting in a pub for 6 hours over doing something with the children - not fine to me, regardless of what alcohol they're drinking

I don't think it's considering the children to expect them to spend 6 hours in a pub.

How many drinks were consumed?

Obviously a child cannot keep record of that but said a lot
I didn’t want to question any further than that
also reports carried on drinking in to the night at home which made them feel scared

So what exactly were these hard spirits then?

Doesn’t sound much fun for the kids. You repeatedly saying ‘hard spirits’ doesn’t help anyone make a judgement though. It could be a couple of JD and cokes through the 6 hours, or it could be constant necking of tequila shots.

I thought this too.

OP unless he is getting blind drunk, passing out and unable to look after your DC, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it. What he chooses to do with your mutual DC while they are with him, is up to him (setting aside situations of them being in actual danger).

Try not to worry about it, and I'd stop questioning your DC on what they get up to while they are with him, otherwise you'll drive yourself mad.