My mum died today, please help me

[thisblankspace]

I feel blank. I loved her so much and I miss her already but it's like all my thoughts and emotions have just gone to a blank space. It doesn't feel right. I have lost another close family member before and it wasn't like this, though perhaps I'm not remembering right?

Mum's illness was intense and the last six weeks in hospital were really tough on her. I've not had enough sleep during all that time and only a couple of hours in last two days so maybe it's that?

I feel like my brain and emotions are sort of far away and I'm not attached to them, so it's a huge effort to even know what I'm thinking (not much) or feeling (I don't know)?

Am finding it hard to do any sort of task however simple. Struggling with talking with loved ones.

I just want to lie in bed and read or watch mindless stuff.

❤️💐

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

I hope it reassures you a bit to know that what you are experiencing is completely normal and is probably disassociation - it’s a protection mechanism that kicks in to lower those feelings of grief and anxiety. They will come back in time though, and you need to let them so you don’t become “stuck”.

I was a zombie for two weeks after my mum died (suddenly, and young, I was in my 20s and it was a huge shock). It took me around three months to get back to any sense of normality and a lot more therapy on top to get through it all.

My best advice is just to rest, do what feels right, and eat little and often (whatever you can force down).

Take care of yourself 🫂

I'm so very sorry for your huge loss.

Sending you strength, go gently at this time x

Thinking of you today @thisblankspace

Sorry for your loss, give yourself time and take it day by day. Sending love and strength xx 🤗

I know exactly how you feel-my husband died a year ago today. You're on autopilot at the moment, just responding to things as they happen; just do what you have to, and let the rest go. The only things I had to do were arrange for the death certificates and the funeral; I just let everything else slide.

So sorry for your loss, just do what helps you get through this, there's no right way to grieve.

I lost my mum in 2018, after only 3 weeks off being diagnosed with cancer, totally shock as had no symptoms . For her I was glad it was so quick but it took me along time to feel normal again.

I was on auto pilot, I can remember so much about those 3 weeks but after she was gone it's all a blur. I don't remember the year afterwards, just take a day at a time. Then covid happened and was kind off a distraction, something else to worry about, would be glad my parents were not living through this.

You'll never forget her or wish she was here but you learn to live with it, at first you'd wake up in the morning and remember she's gone or go to phone her, or think I must tell me mum this. In a way I do talk to her but live on my own so would have conversations with her.

I now try to remember the happy times, can look at a photo and not cry or think off her and don't well up (most of the time) Time is a healer, it will get better.

So sorry for your loss. When my DM died 3 months ago I was watching everyone else fall apart with a weird sense of detachment. The grief will come. It might hit you like a bus or sneak up on you. Either way it's going to come. I did the same as you. Laid in bed watching bloody inane Christmas movies. But they were mind numbing and didn't take too much thinking about.
Take care of yourself. Eat when you feel like it and accept offers of help.
You'll be OK in time. If you want to pm me, please do.
X

I am so sorry, OP.

Grief has no rules. Go with the day, the hour, the minute, the second.

Take the gentle handholds as you need them. Talk as and when you need to, and watch the mindless things.

So sorry for your loss. I felt the same when my dad died, just this numbness for days on end, said to work I might carry on working remotely that week as I felt so ‘normal’, which they sensibly shut down. Totally normal in my experience. I’d get waves of sadness and have a good cry in between just this almost serene feeling, someone else mentioned it being like an out of body experience and that was what I had, watching myself from afar. Happened at the funeral as well, felt like I was in a film and it was all happening to someone else, I didn’t even cry. Take care and do whatever is right for you.

Oh so sorry OP.. lie in bed watch crap TV, whatever you need to do.. bereavement is different for everyone.
Big hugs and positive light your way xx

Thank you again for all your posts of support.

I do feel a bit more able to cope with tasks today after sleeping, so very glad I was able to sleep last night. I thought I wouldn't be able to at all but I did very quickly in the end.

Lots of people keep busy after a bereavement and my brain is just literally unable to do stuff, it is so hard to do necessary admin and tasks both related to funeral and mundane everyday tasks. My brain just isn't working, i can't imagine doing anything other than the things I absolutely have todo and have no choice but to do.

You are likely to be in shock, OP. Our minds have a wonderful way of protecting us. Just be extra, extra gentle with yourself.

Dear op, I hope you are ok and managing.
In many cultures it's traditional for family, friends and neighbours to help with food, company, paperwork. I hope you have support irl.
Do you have an undertaker?
Are you part of a local church/synagogue/temple/mosque. You will find support there.
Cruse bereavement charity can help too.

Just popping on to see how you’re doing OP.