My mum died today, please help me

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I feel blank. I loved her so much and I miss her already but it's like all my thoughts and emotions have just gone to a blank space. It doesn't feel right. I have lost another close family member before and it wasn't like this, though perhaps I'm not remembering right?

Mum's illness was intense and the last six weeks in hospital were really tough on her. I've not had enough sleep during all that time and only a couple of hours in last two days so maybe it's that?

I feel like my brain and emotions are sort of far away and I'm not attached to them, so it's a huge effort to even know what I'm thinking (not much) or feeling (I don't know)?

Am finding it hard to do any sort of task however simple. Struggling with talking with loved ones.

I just want to lie in bed and read or watch mindless stuff.

So very sorry 💐xxx

We had the most wonderful funeral director
Like an actual saint

Covered every single thing
Super kind

It meant so much to us xxx

I’m so sorry 💐

I lost my beloved dad fairly recently and know this numbness, it like a state of just being/existing but in a very different place than 'before'

Take it second by second, minute by minute, there is no right way to react because you have never experienced this particular loss before.

My sincere condolences for your loss.

I am 12 months further on from you after losing my mum very unexpectedly last January. It was a different type of loss than when I had lost my dad ten year prior to this. I do think there is something visceral and deep when you lose your mum. I've found the last year tremendously hard but I do recall this other wordly type feeling you describe. I felt constantly aware of myself, as if I were watching myself in a film.

I've done plenty of reading about grief and the things that have resonated most with me is that you are not just grieving the loss of the person, but also of the life you had with them in it. Your life will be different now and I think accepting that helped me. Also, it won't be linear so don't freak out if you have a half decent day in terms of how you are coping. I was and still am very erratic with my good and bad days.

Things are so easy for you so do whatever feels best. Phone games are massively therapeutic for me, I can't concentrate enough to read. I think the period between the loss and the funeral service is hard but there is some relative peace after the funeral.

I don’t know you or your mum but in the majority of cases, mum's would want you to take care of yourself and I've tried to do that as a sort of tribute to her. I have also tried to model 'good' grieving to my teenage daughters. They have seen me very sad and have bad days but also seen me try to be positive and do things I enjoy.

My heart really goes out to you. I dont think anyone really knows what to do in this situation and I find it a massive irony because we all know we are likely to experience grief in our lives.

I've just remembered - I also found very dark police dramas to be a comfort- things like silent witness and happy valley. Very random.

I am so very sorry for your loss xxx

I understand - my mother died in November, it still feels odd writing it down. It seems like yesterday and ages ago all together and it really fills your head up with empty fullness and makes it difficult to function. Just do whatever you absolutely must do, but the rest of the time just do whatever you feel you want to.

It's a difficult time, try to make it as easy for yourself as you can, and yes, call for that chocolate. Thinking of you, xx

So sorry for your loss OP. Can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. Take all the time you need x

So sorry for your great loss . It's so tough when you lose your mum . Just you take your time and do whatever you need to do .

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. You say that you just want lie in bed and watch mindless stuff. Totally fine. Watchng mindless stuff if that helps distracts you a little bit, thats a good thing. I lost my brother in law 5 years ago (2nd of feb) very suddenly, and I remember the grief, but overtime that numb feeling does fade. You do what makes you feel what helps you cope. Just remember to look after yourself as well.

I'm so very sorry, I hope you have family to support you x

Losing a parent is second only to losing a child...and it is a VERY close call, which is worse. EVERYTHING you are experiencing is normal, and I believe it is nature's way of protecting us. It numbs our conscious minds to the terrible, searing grief, while our subconscious mind scrambles like a cat on a trampoline to make sense of what has happened. And the only way out is through. It takes time. As much time as it takes. You will not "get over," but you will "get through." And at some point, the happy memories will outweigh the bitter ones, hence the term, "Bittersweet." You will go through the seven "stages" of grief, but be aware that they do not happen one at a time, or in order. They aren't a road with milestones, but more a stew, where everything bubbles around together. And some of it surfaces YEARS after the fact, briefly. Thirty years after the fact, I still double over in grief for the loss of my much-loved father. Doesn't last long, sometimes only seconds, but it does happen.

Give yourself permission to feel these confusing feelings without judgement. Spend some (not all) time lying in bed reading, or watching mindless stuff. Be aware that even these "non-actions" are simply the subconscious giving itself time to do its work.

My heart to yours. You are not alone.

My Mum died on Thursday. She was diagnosed with cancer that spread only the last week of December & had been very well up to that point. She was discharged to palliative care at home which I led for her. Cut yourself some slack. Do what you feel. There are no rules.

I am so sorry for your loss, too.

You are entering a weird period - nothing is quite the same again. I felt like I was hearing things through cotton wool after my mother died and had to keep asking people to repeat what they'd said. I also found I slept a lot when other people died (more recently, so I remember that more) and that's a common thing too. It's just how we deal with grief.

I hope you manage to sleep. xx

Yeah, sounds normal to me. Not that there is one normal we all do it differently but my way was laying about doing nothing but shit on my phone. Or nothing....

Now I'm crying. Every bloody day. 4 months in.

My teen reacted badly to it so lots of extra work getting him into school.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother died 30yrs ago this week.

I still take the day to sit and process and be selfish

take time, process as and when you can. Do what I couldn’t as I was a child and look into a good grief counselor. ❤️❤️❤️

I'm sorry. How horrible. Whatever you feel to do is fine, there is no correct way to do this. Just take each day/ hour/ moment as it comes and get through it as you can, your way. 💐

So sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself and if that means stepping back from day to day stresses and vegetating, please do. It’s a huge loss and a lot to process and cope with x

❤️

So sorry for the loss of your mother. Look after yourself the way your Mama would want you to, and remember how much she loved you. For the next weeks, If you can drink, eat bathe and sleep you will be doing very well. Prayers for you. 🌻

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I lost my Father three months ago today and it still feels very surreal. Please be kind to yourself, only do what you have to do in terms of practicalities and try and rest even if you cannot sleep. If you want to watch/read stuff to distract you that's fine. In my experience (also lost my Mum nearly 21 years ago), it takes a very long time to process. TBH feel that I've only just scratched the service three months. Sending a virtual hug

I'm sorry for your loss. You do whatever you need to do to cope with the grief, there are no rules, you do what is best for you. Be kind to yourself.

My Dad also died on Thursday, and had cancer which was only diagnosed a few days before he died (in hospital)- and he was well and active right up until mid-November, and while he felt something "wasn't right" he had no idea how seriously ill he was. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss too and for all of those who are here grieving and supporting everyone

My heartfelt condolences to OP and all the PP who have lost a parent.

OP, it’s totally normal to feel calm or numb. I don’t think I cried for a week. Like magic and Back it was very sudden following a cancer diagnosis and I think I was in shock.

Grief affects people differently over time. Be kind to yourself in the weeks and months ahead. There’s no script you need to follow to grieve ‘correctly’.