I can’t remember my children

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Ok sounds dramatic. But I’ve just had a FB memory of my youngest doing something cute as a toddler. And watching it feels
to me like watching my own cute baby but has no relevance to the pre teen I see now.

We have a great bond, no worries there. But I can’t reconcile pictures/videos of him then to now. It’s like separate identities. The same for my much older adult DC.

Is this weird? I can see pictures of my younger siblings and join that together with the adults they are now but with my kids I seem to have a strange disconnect between who they were as infants and who they are as older children. I’m finding it quite disturbing. It’s like ‘remember that toddler we used to know’ and ‘look at this funny child laughing at his own farts’. Love them both but seem like completely different entities.

Anyone else or am I losing it?

My first grandchildren, the son of my son, was so like him as a baby I felt transported back in time. He, the baby, very quickly became his own little person but the first few weeks were incredibly emotional. I'm on grandchild number 5 now and do a lot of childcare and I try and really enjoy the baby stages. None of the rest have been quite as evocative, 0 to 2 flies by.

@BathshebaKnickerStickers , I totally relate to what you've written about retrospective name change. How can that be right?

I occasionally get this thought and it makes me panic a bit. Odd really.

I’m the opposite. When I talk to my grown up children I can see the toddler, preteen and teen almost as one within their present form. Maybe it’s a social media disconnect? I have pictures on the wall of my kids at various ages and see those many times most days plus I still see my them in person many times a week.

I read this and can totally empathise OP. My DD was such an adorable funny toddler. Those memories are written large in my mind, and I miss that little happy person who wanted to dress like me, and always wanted my attention. She has grown into a strong young woman, but I still miss my "little" poppet! My DS is very different to how he was as a toddler. In appearance you might not think he was related to his younger self! I think part of it is that we were their whole world, and our focus was on love and safeguarding. Now our relationships have changed. Not in a bad way, just different.

God I really feel for you ☹️

I’m not at this point yet but we’ve just had another baby and I cannot remember the older two at certain points like bedtimes, weening, injections etc. Then I see memories on FB when (13 years ago I was so lonely with a newborn and young so did post stupid stuff on FB) my memories say things like ‘oh I dream of a night when x sleeps through the night’ or ‘y just tried raspberries for the first time!’ Or ‘these 6m injections have my poorly boy knocked for six!’ And I cannot remember this at all, this baby is literally starting from scratch.

I completely get this. I feel really sad that I can hardly remember them when they were young and I look at photos and it looks like a different life. But I also look at myself in those photos and that feels weird too! I know I was there but don't really remember.

I had lunch with my first grandson last week, a tall, muscular, dark haIred, bearded handsome man who looks like his father. He bears no resemblance to his early childhood self, a fair-skinned, white- blond little boy who looked like his mother as a child. The contrast is astonishing to me and without the many photographs I'd doubt my memory.

I can remember mine vividly as babies, toddlers and children, but it's a strange and distant memory. Wait till they leave home! Mine left home in 2015 and 2016, and believe me, it's much, much harder when you don't see them on a regular basis. Our relationships are good, but through circumstance, I hardly ever see them. My son lives in another city, and is occupied with work, friends and his partner, and my daughter lives about 4000 miles away. They are both leading happy and successful lives, so I have done my job well enough, but it's also very strange. Thankfully, I have a wonderful DH and we are still youngish (53 & 50), and we lead full & happy lives, but being a hands on parent feels like a lifetime ago. I think you have to reinvent yourself really.

Strangely, I don't remember my parents being young. When my Mum died, and I was clearing out her things, I came across old photo's of them. There was one of my Mum in a bikini, and she had a 6 pack! Stunningly beautiful, with long blonde hair flowing down over her shoulders. There was a date on the back of the photo, so I worked out that she was 38 at the time, making me 15. I don't ever recall her being anything other than old. Why is that?

Sometimes I just sit quietly and try to recall the feeling of one of my (now well into adulthood) kids as toddlers, sat in my lap with their chubby arms around my neck, falling asleep 🥲

That’s because they are completely different people now to who they were as a tiny.

This happened to me due to menopause.....now on HRT and much better. See you GP as it's worth checking for you own sanity.

I feel very disconnected with my younger self. It is only natural. Time changes us. I am sure if you went back in time and met your younger self you will have forgotten what it was to be that young. The same goes for your children. I do not wish the years away for my daughter, but equally, I am enjoying watching her grow up and become the beautiful young lady that she is.

Look up The Akaroa Cannon by Pam Ayres on YouTube. Have tissues handy!

That’s made me cry 😢

Not sure I can face Pam Ayres - I’ll be bawling 😭

Yep thought so, absolutely bawling 😭 😭 😭