Does anyone else just not really care what they look like?

[WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ]

I suppose it started slowly.
I gave up wearing make up.
I gave up straightening my hair.
I gave up wearing nice shoes and went for comfort.
I stopped caring about what I wore. As long as it was clean and functional.
I brushed my teeth daily, but I now longer whitened. I stopped googling braces and getting a new crown.
I ran out of time to exercise.
I stopped caring about buying new clothes for holidays, it was bad for the planet and so on holiday there I was in my old fleece and my old jeans.
I decided to eat what I wanted.
But today I saw myself in a Superdrug mirror and oh my god, who the hell is that?
I'm 34. I look 64.
How do I get it back? It all seems such a faff now. Plus I have two kids, one house renovation, a full time job and four animals. Can I even get it back? And what for?

Me and it is so liberating although granted I look like a bag lady 90% of the time. It all depends on whether you ate happy/comfortable with that or not. I perfectly happy with not having time constantly worry about, or faff on with, make up, coordinating outfits, buying new clothes etc. It a coincided with me turning 40 and not giving a shit what problems think of me. I dress for the life I have ie wfh, dogs and horses.

I suppose it depends if you're bothered or not. If not don't waste time with it. But if it's knocking your self-confidence or, as an example, if it stopped you wanting to do things like apply for a job you wanted etc, then that seems worth tackling.

I'm a full face of make up every day person, and I like to look good because it gives me confidence to go and do my job well. It just boosts my overall wellbeing I guess.

It doesn't sound as if you don't care what you look like, but equally you don't have to have straightened hair or makeup to look nice, and shoes can be both nice and comfortable!

What happened to the rest of your clothes - do you still have some of the things you always liked wearing before? Just start small - maybe paint your toenails or do your eyebrows and see how you feel about it?

I suppose I don't know if I care or not. It all seems like a faff and I would rather do anything apart from focus on my appearance. Self care to me a carefully put together sandwich, book, candles and wine. Nothing about face masks or doing something to myself.

@SocksAndTheCity but why? No one sees my toenails?

Why did you stop bothering with yourself?

If I were you, I would start making an effort again. You’re obviously bothered at what you saw looking back at you.

You see your toenails.

Shop mirrors are horrible, I think it's maybe because the lighting is so harsh and bright. Stay as you are if you're generally happy that way - just stay away from shop mirrors.

I look like a bag lady but I have two small kids and work from home. I’m planning/hoping to get it together more once the kids are older and I have some time for myself. I don’t know I’ll go back to elasticated waistbands though. Definitely no uncomfortable shoes. But maybe, just maybe, mascara.

Your self care sounds fab. If you are comfortable and happy then it really doesn't matter. So much pressure on women to "look after themselves" in a physical appearance sense but those rules don't seem to apply to men 🤔. Just go with whatever makes you happy and sod what anyone else thinks.

I don't wear makeup, paint my nails or wear jewellery and I'm not fussed on stylish clothes as long as they fit, aren't stained and appropriate to whatever activity I'm doing.

I do blow dry my hair and stick the straighteners through in the morning, it doesn't take long and makes a big difference and I moisturise I live on the coast and I'd look about 110 if I didn't. I resent making fat cats fatter and clothing can be wasteful so only buy new clothes in the sale when I need them.

It doesn't sound like you don't care but that you couldn't keep up with everything, taking care of our body is important for self esteem if nothing else. Pick a couple of things that make the most difference and that you can both afford and manage.

Does it seem like a faff though because it seems like a huge project to start and you don't know where to begin or because you genuinely don't care?

A lot of self care is literally just little habits.
I care about what I look like, probably too much to be honest and I love when I go camping as all I take with me is lip balm and moisturiser and it feels so liberating.

However I also get a kick out of trying to look good and feel a real boost when I love my outfit/ have a good hair day/make up on/nails done. I feel like I have lots more confidence and hold my head higher.

Exercise is different though I'd definitely try and get back to that. It's just finding something you enjoy enough to make time for. For me it's weights and walking.

Well I never did any of those things in the first place and I'm very happy. I look exactly the age I am (mid thirties). The difference between our lists is that I do lots of exercise and eat well. But that's because I want to be healthy, and looking good is just a convenient byproduct of health.

Definitely take up exercise again and eat well! Then if you decide you want to do the preening/polishing stuff, up to you. But diet, exercise and lots of water is vital.

I always look clean and presentable, like my clothes fit me well and I brush my hair! But I don't bother with the makeup and fancy clothes because I am not my appearance. I am a human of the same very high value as all humans. I am my personality, my family, my hobbies and passions. (Cheesy, sorry).

I suppose my attitude comes from the fact that I've always been overweight and I've never been the hot one lol. I was always the funny one or the good friend. At school I was the clever one. My appearance never came into it. In my twenties I really tried with my appearance, and I probably became a six out of ten (on a good day.) It seemed like a lot of work to become maybe half attractive. I worried a lot about being seen as lazy in terms of my appearance. So when my friends could hang around in a hoodie when they were hungover, I would always squeeze myself into a pencil skirt or dress (I was big on retro).
Now I find giving up the whole thing very liberating. As quite an all or nothing person, I don't know how to do minimal things to look slightly better. It's either the bag lady or Betty Page. I really struggle with 'well put together'.

Me. I am a mess but i really can't bring myself to care. I working a job no-one sees me. Don't understand why so many women put so much stock, in how they look.

Well maybe because it's nothing to do with other people and whether they see us, but because it makes us happy?

Everybody has different priorities - I rarely wear makeup beyond a bit of eyebrow pencil and some lip balm, but I pay out for a nice gym and exercise most days as well as eating properly and I feel a lot better for doing so. I buy clothes second hand, which makes it cheaper to have far better quality things that last longer and are more pleasant to wear.

Other people can do as they see fit, but if the OP is upset at the sight of her reflection then she can decide to do something about it or just avoid mirrors from now on, and the former is probably easier.

When you have 403,597 things to do before breakfast, like many of us, it’s very easy and understandable to place no importance on make up and straight hair. It all depends on what makes you feel good OP - do what makes you feel good and if that isn’t hair and make up that’s fine. However if you feel good when you look good that’s also fine and then I’d encourage you to spend just a little time putting some effort in (if that’s what you want - you, no one else).

@SocksAndTheCity I think exercise and eating healthy is different. That's something you do for you. No one wears a stiletto heel around the house when they live alone, so that must be for other peoples benefit.

OP it doesn't have to be a big deal to reverse.
I would gradually add in the things that will be beneficial.
Exercise,skin care whichever you feel you want to do.
I love new clothes and colour yet I'm not as polished as some I saw out and about at the shops.Just do what works for you.

I am a scruff 90% of the time, there are only so many hours in the day, I have a busy full time job, a horse, lots of friends and hobbies. However I do make an effort for dinner/drinks out, its nice to be done up occasionally! Maybe try and make an effort for something eg a night out with friends or your partner. But the time it takes to do every day is just too much for me (and lots of other women!).

Well I live in central London, where nobody I know has worn a stiletto heel for as long as I can remember (I think I last did in around 2009) .

I do think exercise is important for your mental health. and general mood. Swimming, yoga or Pilates, walking, zumba? As for the rest, just start small - you don't need to start channelling the Apprentice contestants, but if you decide you want to put some mascara on or wear a hairband for a change then go for it.

Most of the time I don't really care. I'm clean and presentable for work, but I wear make up rarely.
I do have pretty clothes and I do enjoy it when I wear make up and look good, it's just that if it's more than throwing on a nice dress and wearing my one nice pair of boots it has to be; a special occasion AND I fancy it AND I have time.

@WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ you don’t actually look 64.

It may come as a surprise to you to learn that most self respecting women in their 60s are not unkempt, ungroomed and dressed in sloppy old things for comfort. Not outside their homes, anyway.

I’m of that generation and care what I look like. I’m not obsessed with my appearance, I don’t need to dress and make myself up for Instagram, I can please myself. But outside the house I look great, thanks.

So you look like you, not bothering.

I painted my toenails last summer then realised in my Birkies it really didn't matter #old lady with aspirations 🤔

Focus on what matters to you. I would rather have my nose in a good book than faff about with make up and straighteners. I do like nice jewellery and perfume but wear them for my enjoyment not because I care what anyone else thinks.

I have a horrible chronic condition that prevents me exercising much, combined now with moonface from steroids, so I have had to learn to not care though (I was slim till I got it). But it is very liberating in many ways.