Does anyone else just not really care what they look like?

[WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ]

I suppose it started slowly.
I gave up wearing make up.
I gave up straightening my hair.
I gave up wearing nice shoes and went for comfort.
I stopped caring about what I wore. As long as it was clean and functional.
I brushed my teeth daily, but I now longer whitened. I stopped googling braces and getting a new crown.
I ran out of time to exercise.
I stopped caring about buying new clothes for holidays, it was bad for the planet and so on holiday there I was in my old fleece and my old jeans.
I decided to eat what I wanted.
But today I saw myself in a Superdrug mirror and oh my god, who the hell is that?
I'm 34. I look 64.
How do I get it back? It all seems such a faff now. Plus I have two kids, one house renovation, a full time job and four animals. Can I even get it back? And what for?

*But there's an undercurrent through a lot of the posts that 'older' women don't 'need' to care or make an effort. I don't know what qualifies as 'older' but I will always care how I look, about the clothes I wear, and my overall appearance. It's for me, but it's also about how I look to other people. I do care, and I've no problem with that.

Being older doesn't mean you 'need' to care less about your appearance. It's fine if it does, by choice, but it's not linked with aging*

I would argue you’ve misunderstood, at least my interpretation is different.

as I’ve got older I’ve got more confident and don’t feel the need to comply with beauty norms- like pp who bought stiletto’s
so as not to be the only one without. I don’t wear make up and I think I look bloody good. I don’t feel the need to wear it so other people think I care about my looks or that I am not “making an effort”.

it’s not not caring about how I look as I age, but knowing I actually look decent in my flat shoes and make up less face, and I don’t need to do any of that because I don’t care what other people think.

I haven't got the wrong end of the stick. I'm just easily seeing through the very polite posts which insinuate that women who care about their appearance aren't doing anything more edifying with their time. The one that said she feels sorry for women who take time over their looks was a stand out.

Plus I have two kids, one house renovation, a full time job and four animals.

Are you with the father of the children @WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ ? I only ask as you have not mentioned any significant other yet.

Can I even get it back? And what for?

For you.

Although I think you’ve very self consciously styled yourself as progressively unkempt etc, so how much do you actually want to get “it” back?

I've never really done most of the stuff in the OP. I like the comment about being healthy rather than being about beauty norms.

I've been trying to buy clothing that's comfortable but also has a style that I think looks nice. It doesn't need to be fashionable - I don't care about that. But for example I learned about colour theory and what different shapes of clothing flatter different body shapes, and I try to bear those things in mind, and wear colours that make me happy (purples, greens and blues feature a lot!)

I don't wear make up except for a bit of concealer and mascara and maybe lip gloss for a night out. (I haven't even done that in the last few years).

I don't dye my hair or straighten it, but when I get it cut I ask the hairdresser what they recommend which is low maintenance and suits my face shape - I usually seem to end up with a short bob, which suits me just fine. I found a shampoo I like which makes it soft and shiny. It's not an insanely expensive one, just took some trial and error trying out different types and different brands.

I would like to wear perfume and I think I'll look for something I like this year. I always think I'm too scruffy and low maintenance to wear perfume, but if it makes me happy, why not??

I think two things stood out for me. You don’t care about what you eat or what exercise you do. I think that’s what makes me think you don’t care about yourself. that makes me sad. Because make up and hair straightening are just fripperies compared to looking after yourself, your health.

as an aside, I usually start caring more about the fripperies when I feel healthier in myself.

I don’t wear make up except for occasionally a bit of mascara and concealer for special occasions. My hair is long and wavy and tied back in a ponytail, I’ve never used straighteners! My nails just need to be clean and short enough to type and I walk everywhere so definitely no heels.

But I care about whether the clothes I wear are flattering or not, I enjoy looking out for nice dresses in charity shops and most of the time I look in the mirror and like what I see.

One thing that made me really happy at the end of lockdown when changing rooms opened up was to buy some nice new non-tatty underwear, very overdue. It made me feel so much better putting it on the morning! Maybe OP you could start with buying a couple of things that make you feel good when you wear them rather than feeling you need a beauty regime?

The only people I know who genuinely don't care are the people who have decided looking good is not for them. Either its never been part of their lives or it no longer is. So, those who've never thought of themselves as nice looking, or have now decided they no longer can be (they think they're too old usually) so they put it aside and focus on other things. And are often happier for it ime.
I suppose there is the odd 'enlightened' woman who decides not care to as a moral stance, but they're mostly here on MN. Never met one in real life.
You clearly do care. Nothing wrong with that. And of course you can get it back. Just reverse your list!

I have no idea. I am just me. I am 64, but was recently told someone thought I was their age, 52.

I stopped worrying about what I look like, in the sense that I no longer care if people find me attractive or not and I don't worry about trying to fit into narrow definitions of beauty or about following trends.

So most of the time I wear comfortable clothes, flat shoes and no make-up.

It doesn't mean that I am scruffy in fact I am a bit of a clean freak who showers twice a day and I always make sure I have clean hair/nails, a moisturised face and some nice perfume on.

I think the main thing is that I have no interest in appealing to men anymore after my last disastrous relationship so I dress to myself only now, not in the hope that someone will find me attractive.

I keep everything as simple as possible: clean and natural, with clothes I can comfortably move in as I am very active.

Very liberating.

I rarely wearing make up.
I rarely straighten my hair.
I always choose shoes for comfort
I brush my teeth twice daily. I've never whitened them or gooled braces.
Ive never dyed my hair.
I rarely wear jewlery (except wedding ring amdva watch) and hate wearing accessories.
I DO exercise.
I buy new clothes as needed - when they wear out. My wardrobe is small.
I eat cake and chocolate, and drink wine. I could do with shifting 10kg.

But im happy, and healthy. I can pick up my (teenage) kids if they want "snuggles".
I choose to spend my time differently to many my age. Thats down to individual choice. Im sure many disaprove of my (lack of) style. They arent people i would choose to spend time with.

Be true to yourself. If you want to make changes, do it for you. Dont do it because you feel like its the done thing.

So if you don’t care about your looks you don’t look good?

what do you mean by “don’t care” anyway?

do you mean women who don’t wear make up and follow other beauty norms like eyebrows and nails?

otherwise how do you tell who cares and who doesn’t? Just those that don’t look good?

I don't care for a lot of the time

@XenoBitch
I would bet quite a lot of money that if you posted a picture of yourself, people would not agree with your self assessment.

I can tell if women don't care about their looks because they say so, obviously. How else would I know?
Nothing to do with trends. You don't need to subscribe to a fashionable or very cosmetic look to care about your appearance. It can be as simple as keeping in shape, eating well etc to maintain a nice figure, healthy hair and skin. Other women go to a lot of trouble to create a natural or alternative look. They care too.
What do they mean by don't care? Well it's not a difficult concept...they don't care about how they look. It doesn't matter to them. Just like I don't care about designer handbags or horse racing.
Do they look good? Well it's subjective. But to me, some do, some don't.Some women are naturally nice looking and might look better in a sack than others who spend all day on grooming.

Me. I'm 40.
80 per cent of the time I feel liberated and free, but 20 per cent I'm frustrated that I've let my appearance become such a small priority in my life because I do really love clothes and pre kids was generally always in a proper outfit. Now I just wear whatever is nearest and clean, my hair is a fright (i wear it naturally curly most of the time now but it's frizzy and half dyed half greying; I need to make some decisions about how to manage it that I've been putting off)
But it is a relief to not really give a shit what other people think anymore. It's just that I do care what i think and yet don't appear to have time to make some small changes that would make me happier

@5128gap that’s not exactly true though, I don’t do a lot of the things on the OP list (see previous post) but I don’t think I look awful, in fact now, I’m more happy with my body and appearance than I was in my teens and 20’s, and don’t think I’m too old (mid 30’s) I just don’t think you need loads of expensive make up and hair, and ‘fashionable’ clothes to feel happy. I guess it’s a combo of spending ages on grooming moving down the priority list due to young kids and a busy life, and actually feeling more confident, or giving less of a as you get older what other people, particularly men think of you 🙈

Best advice on here is from @2023forme

Ignore all the people who say they'd "never get to this point". IMO they just haven't yet faced a life situation that means they lose time for the irrelevancies (whether that's young kids, grieving, caring for elderly parents, dogs and horses or whatever)

this!

sums it up really well

I don’t think @WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ is going to answer my question..

but I still am curious, for those who have happily stopped trying, are you single?

I think there is a bit of pretty privilege at play here too. If you make an effort with your appearance and 'look great' then that is different to those of us who are aesthetically challenged. I think of all those years of making an effort in order to look marginally better than I do now.
I have an unfortunate body shape. Top heavy, wide shoulders, big back, stomach and then tiny short little legs sticking out the end. I'm five foot on a good day. Im oily skinned, gap toothed and have a predisposition to put on weight around my middle. I have short, fat little hands and so nail polish makes them look ludicrous. It's hard to imagine how you could improve them. They are also covered in scratches and cuts due to animals.
Yes I could make an effort but I'd still look the same. When I lost weight and exercised, I looked the same. When I wore make up I looked roughly the same.

I think when you care about what you eat and getting some exercise in, the rest falls into place.
People who are a healthy weight and stay away from alcohol and crap food just look better with barely any effort.

I eat healthily and don't drink but steroids have given me a hulking great moonface and acne. It's shit knowing people are judging me and assuming it's my own fault.

@WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ

you might find doing our makeup or whatever to actually be just as relaxing as watching the news though

@WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ

“Can I even get it back? And what for?“

for yourself!
you are with taking care of

@Furrydogmum

why wouldn’t it matter ?